Reality
by samaryley
Summary: Sequel to "Epiphany." The Curtis family struggles to return to normalcy after the death of their parents. Original scenarios as well as a different perspective on the events of the book. Reviews are greatly appreciated.
1. The Flu

**A/N This is a sequel to an earlier posting, "Epiphany." I recommend you read that story first, as much of the background for what happens in "Reality" is established in the earlier posting.**

**This story picks up where "Epiphany" left off, just after the Curtis children have buried their parents. Scout has had her epiphany, and now the whole family tries to adjust to the complexity of their new life without their parents.**

REALITY

At my grandparents' funerals we always had people over to the house afterward. I guess the idea was that you were supposed to sit around and remember the person, talk about what a great life they had. That works OK with grandparents, I guess, but in the case of my parents, it was a little more difficult to find any positives about the situation, so we hadn't planned anything. I think we all just wanted to go home. The weekend of waiting had sucked the very life right out of us.

What we hadn't anticipated was that since we had no official wake, there was a throng of people who wanted to talk to us at the cemetery, and as much as I had hoped to avoid it, we still had to hear the endless stream of "Sorry for your loss." What's worse, since we weren't at the funeral home, there was nowhere to sit. I was shocked at how many people wanted to talk to me. My basketball coach was there and that meant a lot to me. As the afternoon wore on, I was feeling worse by the moment and by the time Two-Bit drove us back to the funeral home to get Darry's truck, I was in pretty bad shape. I couldn't wait to get home and go to bed.

I crawled into the truck, feeling like I was going to die. I had somehow managed to make Pony take the middle seat again, and Soda had gone home with Two-Bit. Darry had pulled out of the funeral home lot and was on the main road back toward home when I realized I would never make it.

"Pull over, Darry," I said.

"What?" He looked confused.

"I'm sick, Darry, I'm gonna be sick." I'm sure I didn't look so good because Pony hopped right on board.

"Come on Darry, I don't want her getting sick all over me! Pull over."

Darry pulled over to the side of the road. I burst out of the door and raced to the shrubs along the road. I fell to my knees and got sick, miraculously managing to avoid getting anything on myself. When I was done I sat back up, feeling like I just might die.

Darry and Pony surrounded me, looking panicked. "Scout, you OK?" Darry asked.

"No, actually, I'm sick," I said, holding my head. "Didn't you notice?"

"Don't be a wiseass Scout," Pony said. "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm not being a wiseass, Pony. I'm sick. I've felt sick all day. Can we please go home now so I can at least be sick at my own house?" I got up and climbed back into the truck. Pony climbed into Darry's side to the middle and I leaned against the passenger door the whole way home. The coolness of the window felt good on my forehead. When we got home Darry opened the door and I nearly fell out.

"Whoa," Darry said, as he grabbed me. "You don't look good, kiddo. I think we'd better get you to bed." I had never heard a better idea. Darry carried me into my room and since I was dying to get into more comfortable clothes I asked him to get out my pajamas and put them on the bed. He did and left the room, saying he'd be right back to check on me. I heard Soda talking to Pony as Darry left.

"Well, it's probably the stress. It's been a tough time for her." If this is just stress, Soda, I thought, we'd all be sick.

I stripped out of my funeral clothes and put on my pajamas. I slid under my sheets and buried my head in my pillow. I intended to sleep forever. I don't know if anyone ever came in to check on me, I was asleep immediately.

That plan was interrupted, however, as I awakened to the unmistakable sensation that I was again going to be sick. I whipped back the covers, ran down the hall to the bathroom, and slammed the door behind me as I just barely made it to the toilet. I was enormously thankful for having just cleaned it the day before. I flushed and sat back against the wall, my hand on my forehead.

Suddenly: a knock.

"What?"

"Scout, are you OK?"

"No, actually, I'm puking. Do you mind?"

"Can I come in?" It was Soda.

"I guess so," I said. "But I don't recommend it, if you don't want to catch this." The door opened and there they were, all three of them, looking concerned. I just lay back on the cool tile and tried to summon the strength to get up.

Soda sat next to me and touched my forehead. "You're hot," he said.

"Yeah, I know." I said, "I'm sick. I told you that." I sat up, pulled myself to my feet, and pushed them all out of my way as I headed back to my bed. I crawled back in and still they were all there, looking down at me.

"What?" I asked. "What do you want?"

"You're sick, Scout," Soda said. "We want to help."

"So I'm sick. Big deal. I've been sick a hundred times before and all of you couldn't have cared less. I got better every other time and I'll get better this time too. Just leave me alone and let me be sick. It was probably my own chicken that did it anyway," I glared at Soda. I was just being mean about his comment from the night before; I didn't even know why.

Soda looked hurt. I didn't have the energy to feel bad.

"We just want to help you, like Mom did when we were sick."

"Well stop stressing yourselves about it. I'm fine. Just leave me alone and let me sleep. I just want to sleep."

They all looked a little hurt, but I was in no position to be tiptoeing around their feelings. "Please, you guys. Go away."

"All right, well, you call if you need us."

"I'm sure I will."

"Night Scout. Feel better." Soda again. He must have been elected spokesperson.

"Good night," I said, "Shut the door."


	2. The Recovery

I was sick for three days solid, with a fever and nausea and all over aches and pains. At one point I actually considered sleeping on the bathroom floor. In a way it seemed like a gift; I was actually feeling so miserable physically that I couldn't even think about the emotional pain I was feeling. Darry came to take my temperature and brought me aspirin every few hours but I never took it, just hid it in my drawer. I actually welcomed the sleep brought on by the fever, it meant I didn't have to think, didn't have to face the reality of my parents being gone. Ben came over once and talked to me through my window, because my brothers wouldn't let him in. They were all over me like a bad rash, pestering me every few hours trying to get me to eat, drink, sleep, take medicine, wake up, or whatever else they could think of. They basically drove me nuts.

On the second day, I heard the door open and opened my eyes.

"Hey Scooter?" That was Two-Bit's nickname for me.

"Don't come in. I'm toxic."

"Don't worry, baby, I can't relate to sick people anyway. Just sayin' hi. You get better, now."

"I'm working on it."

"Awright, well work hard then. See you soon."

"Bye Two-Bit."

I slept again.

By the end of the third day I was starting to feel better, which made Darry and Soda happy but just made me depressed. I no longer had an excuse to hide in my room, to shut out the world.

Darry sat at the side of my bed and looked at the thermometer. "No fever," he said. "I guess you're cured."

I didn't answer right away. "I guess so," I said.

"Wanna come eat with us?" Soda was just short of giddy to see me feeling better. He was practically bouncing on the bed. "I made dinner."

I looked up at him. Dinner prepared by Soda was hardly the proper negotiating tool to lure me out of bed after days of throwing up. I rubbed my forehead.

"How 'bout some soup?" Darry suggested. That didn't sound terrible, but I really didn't want to get out of bed just yet. Darry seemed to read my mind. "I'll bring it in for you, OK? You gotta try to eat something, Scout. You haven't eaten in three days."

"I'll try," I said. Darry went off into the kitchen to get it.

Soda sat on the bed and looked at me. "You really were sick, huh?"

I looked at him, dumbfounded. What, had he thought I was kidding?

"I mean, we thought maybe it was just the stress, the funeral and everything…"

"Uh, Soda, I don't think you can fake a fever. And I would never choose to throw up for two days if I could control it."

He considered that. "Yeah, well, I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Thanks. What did you make for dinner anyway?"

Soda laughed.

"What?"

"Cereal. With milk. And banana slices." He smiled like he had whipped up a filet mignon.

I just shook my head. "You're crazy, Soda." I believed it, and so did he. It was a good kind of crazy though.


	3. The Nurse

No more than twenty-four hours after I got better, both Pony and Soda got sick. It was just as vicious a bout with the stomach flu as I had just weathered, but they were far more whiney about it than I had been, particularly Ponyboy. He lay in bed and moaned and groaned like he had never before been sick. Contrary to how I had felt, just wanting to be left alone, Pony wanted to be tended nonstop. Water, aspirin, cold towels, ginger ale, crackers… He was driving me crazy. I wouldn't even let Darry go in their room because the last thing I wanted was to have all three of them sick. He filled their orders and I brought them in.

At one point they both were finally asleep, and Darry and I had a moment of peace in the living room.

"Pony better get better soon or I'm gonna have to kill him," I said.

"You and me both," Darry said. "Jesus, I worried about you wanting to be left alone too much, now all I can wish for is for him to stop calling us in there."

"Yeah, well if you all would have left me alone like I wanted maybe they wouldn't have gotten sick."

"I see your point, now," Darry said.

I lay down on the couch and hung my head over the side. I looked at Darry upside-down sitting in Dad's chair.

"Is he always like this when he's sick?" I asked.

"I honestly don't know. None of us ever really had to deal with each other being sick before. Mom just handled it."

"I doubt he whined this much for her," I said. "Are _you_ like that when you're sick? Just so I can prepare myself, you know… in case…"

He laughed. "I won't catch it," he said. I believed him. He was strong enough to fight off anything, be it a linebacker or a germ. He hardly ever got sick; that I could remember, anyway. My dad either. "And no, I am nothing like that," he added, "at all. I'm more like you are. I just want to be left alone."

I had doubted he would be like Pony. Darry hates feeling like people are taking care of him. He prefers to be the one in charge.

I hadn't had any time alone with Darry since the night after the accident, and I felt like I had a million questions swirling around in my head that I wanted to ask him.

"Hey, Darry?" I asked. I guess it was now or never.

"Yeah," he said.

"Were you and Uncle Pat talking about money stuff that night?"

"Well, and other things, yeah."

"So, are we gonna be OK? I mean, how are we gonna pay the bills and stuff without Dad's job?"

Darry got out of Dad's chair and came over to sit on the couch with me. I picked my head up and looked at him right-side up.

"It's complicated Scout. We're OK, for now. It's nothing you have to worry about."

"But…"

He interrupted me. "Scout, I'll worry about the money, OK? You have enough to worry about for an eleven year old."

"I'm twelve, now, Darry."

"Right," he said. "Well, you have more than enough worries for a twelve year-old, too."

I was unconvinced. But I figured it wasn't a good time to press the issue with him. I didn't get a chance anyway because not two seconds later I heard Pony's voice.

"Scout, can you close the window? I'm cold."

Darry laughed. I rolled my eyes at him and got up.


	4. The Pretending

We all went back to school the next Monday. Pony, Soda and I had fully recovered from the stomach flu and Darry was more than happy to get us out of the house and go back to his classes and football. None of us felt normal but Darry said the only way any kind of normalcy would ever return was if we started resuming our lives. So we tried. The trickiest part was logistics: with only Darry's truck it was sometimes hard getting us all to and from where we needed at be at the proper time. Eventually we worked out a system where Pony, Soda and I got rides to and from school and our various practices (Pony ran on the cross country team, and I had basketball) from either Steve, Two-Bit, or Kevin on the days Darry had to be at school either too early to drive us or too late to pick us up.

I don't know about the boys but for weeks I felt like I was existing in a bubble, and during the day I just was playing the role of Scout Curtis, rather than actually being her. I was a zombie at school, completely blocking out most of the day and trying to make myself immune to the stares and outright expressions of sympathy that never seemed to end.

The only time I actually felt alive was at basketball practice. It was there that I allowed myself to let go of reality, to lose myself in the game. As an eighth grader on the high school team, I was impressive. I was the shortest member of the team, by at least five inches, but I made up for it with my quickness and maneuverability. I had spent a lifetime avoiding boys who outsized me. Whoever knew you could turn that into a talent? Even I was surprised. But it was second nature to me to duck around taller people and sneak my way in toward the basket. More surprisingly, since I had never really played basketball, I had good aim. I was a good shot. I figured I had Darry to thank for teaching me to throw at a target, because I was the best long-range shooter on the team. I was a threat from the outside, which meant that, even as short as I was, the defense couldn't ignore me. I loved the challenge of the game, the way it made me forget everything else.

Unfortunately I was not so valued by the other members of the team, regardless of my offensive contributions. The older girls loved winning but resented that I was the high scorer. There were quite a few Soc girls on the team who felt that the opportunity to shoot the ball should be equally distributed, regardless of the fact that their shots rarely entered the vicinity of the basket. I didn't ask for the ball as much as I got it, it was the coach who instructed the other girls to give it to me. They didn't seem to enjoy the game very much, so I wasn't really sure why they played; it's not like being on the team gained us any popularity or respect. If anything, it made a lot of the girls think of us as tomboyish and weird. Kevin told me he was pretty sure it was so they could have another activity to list on their college applications. He said the guidance counselors were always after the juniors and seniors to get involved in more activities.

Personally I think they all had a crush on our coach. Coach Karis was a history teacher at the high school, probably in his mid-twenties. I guess he was kind of handsome, but all he talked about was his wife and baby daughter so I have no idea what those girls were thinking having a crush on him. I just thought of him as a nice guy, and the fact that he had cared enough to come to my parents' funeral after me being on the team for only a month only cemented that belief.

So, at practice, I was pretty much alone except for three other eighth grade girls who had also made the team: Jessie, Tara, and Anna. Jess and Tara were far more hardcore greasers than anyone I hung around with: Jess's brother was a real live hood, a high ranking member of the Brumley Boys, one of the truly dangerous gangs on our side of town, and Tara had two older brothers who were in jail for armed robbery. We got along OK but I didn't feel like I had much in common with them. Anna and I were pretty much on the same page, though.

It was funny, getting to know her, because I really had no experience having a girl as a friend. Despite her having a sister and me having only brothers, we seemed to have similar situations. She lived with just her dad above her family's pizzeria a mile or so from our neighborhood. I had never been there but knew of the place. It was named Angelo's, which was kind of funny since she told me her dad's name was actually Joe. Money was tight for her family as well and most nights after school she had to help out in the restaurant. Her sister was nineteen and was working there full-time; between them the family was trying to make enough money to put her through college. Anna was smart and had a sense of humor akin to Two-Bit. She was a good deal more mischievous than I was, and I was pretty sure eventually I would get involved in some of her mischief, especially if she decided to direct it toward the spoiled Socy girls on the team. She wasn't that great a basketball player but she provided a great deal of comic relief. The older girls didn't really pay much attention to her but I was glad she was there. Otherwise I probably never would have talked to anyone.

Most of all, I just tried to get through each day without giving in to the sadness and loss I was feeling all the time about my parents. Everybody at home was still adjusting to their new roles and it felt like we all walked on eggshells around each other. Darry seemed to be struggling to fit into his new role as our guardian, and he overreacted to a lot of little stuff the rest of us did wrong or didn't do at all. Soda and I took it with a grain of salt, but Pony seemed really bothered by it. I tried to do whatever I could to keep things going smoothly – I picked up the house, did laundry, got my homework done, and was even becoming a pretty decent cook, but every night when I lay in bed I just wished that we would all start feeling and acting like ourselves again sometime soon.


	5. The Attack

Weekends around my house were unusually stressful for me – I didn't have the structure of school and practice to keep me occupied, and I struggled to keep busy, to not just sit around the house and feel the huge hole left by my parents not being there. Usually Ben and I would hang out, watch TV or play basketball – We had an old hoop on the back of our garage that Dad had long ago set up for the boys. Now that I was on a team, Ben was thinking about playing – he would have never been able to make the high school team as a seventh grader, but might be able to play on the junior high team in eighth grade if he kept practicing. The sport was way more competitive for boys. It was a new enough sport for girls that there was only starting to be some competition to get on the team.

One Saturday in November Ben and I were outside shooting around. Darry had gone in to work early that morning and had come home around 3, so he was inside taking a nap. He worked part-time doing roofing jobs on the days he didn't have classes or football. Soda had just started working weekends at the DX gas station a few blocks from our house where Steve had worked for a while. Besides the fact that Soda loved cars and the girls who came in cars to the gas station, I think the little scene I had made with him about us helping Darry out had motivated him to go out and get a part-time job. I was actually wondering where he was; he had said he was only working until 4:30 and it was almost 5. He was usually pretty eager to get home and shower after working with greasy cars all day. Pony was expected back any time, as well; he had taken off around one to see a movie with Johnny. He invited me but I hate the movies; I just can't sit still in a seat that long, and I get mad when people talk when I'm trying to listen. I was waiting for everyone to get back home before starting supper – since I wasn't very good at guessing how long to cook things, I usually waited to start until everyone was around since it could be ready at pretty much any time.

Ben, who had a lot of room for improvement in the aim department, took a completely wild shot from an impossible angle, and the basketball soared past the garage and hit the side of Darry's truck, rolling toward the street. I ran after it, checking for any damage on the truck as I ran by. Nothing. I had to run out into the middle of the street before I caught up with the ball. I glanced down toward the lot and saw Pony coming home. He looked to be running from something, so I stopped and looked closer. I saw a red car turn the corner behind him and some Soc guys jump out and knock him to the ground. It looked like one of them had a knife and Pony started yelling. I started to run toward him, but Ben, who I had not even realized was standing next to me, grabbed me and yelled.

"No, Scout. You get Darry. I'll go," and he was off.

He was right; in any case we needed Darry. Pony, Ben and I sure weren't going to fend off a car full of high school Socs by ourselves. I ran in the house screaming his name and before I even reached the kitchen Darry was running out of his bedroom toward me.

"What, Scout? What's the matter?"

"Pony! He's getting jumped, down the street! Ben went…"

Darry was past me and out the door before I could finish. I ran after him. Soda and Steve must have just gotten back, and they must have had Two-Bit with them, because Steve's car was parked in front of the house and I saw the three of them heading towards Pony, a few steps ahead of Darry.

"Scout, you stay in the house!" Darry yelled over his shoulder. I completely ignored him and ran right after him, the door not even closing between us exiting. By the time I reached where Pony lay on the ground, the rest of the guys were chasing the Socs, now back in their car, around the corner and down the street. I skidded to the ground next to Pony and saw that he was lying on the ground, his face down toward the pavement. I was afraid to touch him or turn him over.

This was not the first time that within the past few months that someone in our gang had been jumped. Just a few months back, Johnny had gotten jumped in the lot and beaten within inches of his life. I had not been there to find him but I had been at Ben's house when Darry and my mom brought him over there to have Ben's mom stitch him up. She worked as a nurse in a hospital Emergency Room, so she was always helping out when one of us got hurt. Johnny had looked more hurt that day than anyone I had ever seen, and even more scared. I was petrified that I would turn Pony over and he would look like Johnny had that day. I knelt down beside him and touched his shoulder.

"Pony?" He didn't look up.

Before I knew it Darry was back and hauling Pony up by his underarms. I was immensely relieved to see that he looked nothing like Johnny; in fact, he looked mostly OK except for a cut under his chin.

"They pull a blade on you?" Soda asked him.

"Yeah," Pony said and I could see he was shaking and starting to cry. I knew it would only make him more upset for me to stand there and stare at him while he cried, so I got up and walked over to Ben. Kevin had heard the commotion and come running too.

"Did you get hit?" Kevin was asking him.

"No. I'm fine. Soda and Steve pulled the guys off me and Pony."

"You know, Ben, you don't just go running towards a fight with no backup."

"I didn't even think you were home, Kevin. I sent Scout in for Darry. What was I supposed to do, just stand there and let them beat Pony to a pulp?"

It was interesting, listening to two big brothers berate their kid brothers just feet apart. I guess Pony had been at the movies by himself, not with Johnny, and Darry was all over him about walking home alone. Soda was doing his best to run interference between Darry and Pony, but unfortunately Ben was on his own, so I spoke up for him.

"I was going to go, Kevin, but Ben wouldn't let me." I figured he would appreciate that his brother at least refused to let me get involved in it.

Kevin looked at Ben like he still wanted to kill him but maybe was a little proud too. Darry was still going at it with Pony as we all walked back to the house, but we were all stopped short when we saw Dallas come around the corner. Last we had heard, he was in jail for two weeks for waving a switchblade at a cop the Tuesday prior. But, in typical Dallas fashion, he strolled up the street, cigarette hanging from his mouth as though nothing was out of the ordinary. Most of the gang ran up to talk to him, but Darry and Kevin stayed back for a second. Ben and I looked at each other, feeling a lecture coming on.

"Listen, you two," Darry said to Ben and me, "Things aren't safe enough around here for the two of you to be out in the neighborhood alone."

"You two don't leave our yards without one of us guys," Kevin said.

I almost laughed. Where did they think we were gonna go? We weren't allowed to go anywhere anyway. Ben spoke my thoughts.

"We don't leave the yards anyway. Where would we even go?"

"Well, all the same," Darry said, "You two use some common sense. Next time one of us might not be around to rescue you." I could see Ben cringe at the thought of Kevin having to rescue him. I knew that it was a fairly crucial part of Darry's ego to feel like he was always rescuing us, so I stayed quiet.

"Just, no walking anywhere alone, OK? Either of you." Kevin waited for a response.

"OK," Ben said.

"I won't." I promised.


	6. The MixUp

Two weeks later, the day before Thanksgiving break, I waited in the gym lobby after practice for Darry to come by to pick me up. I had told him that I had late practice, and he said he would come get me, and Soda could get a ride home with Steve. Our practices sometimes were later than usual, depending on when the boys' team was using the gym, since we had to share. If they had an away game or scrimmage, we practiced right after school. But if they didn't, they got the gym right after school. All us girls sat around and did homework until they were done and it was our turn.

Darry was late, which was not at all like him. Anna had offered a ride when her dad had come to pick her up, but I had no way to let Darry know where I had gone, so I had to refuse. A few of my friends from the team were still there waiting for rides but one by one they left until eventually it was just me. I stared out the door and watched. I heard a noise behind me and turned to see the custodian staring at me.

"I gotta lock this place up," he said. "You got a ride coming?"

"I thought I did," I said. "Can I use the phone?"

He let me into the office and I dialed home on the phone. I let it ring seven, eight, nine times. No answer.

The custodian was still staring at me. It made me kind of uncomfortable, so I pretended someone answered, finally.

"Hey, Darry? Did you forget?" A pause. "OK, I'll be waiting outside."

I looked at the custodian as I hung up.

"My brother's coming." I said. He didn't seem to care. He just wanted me out.

I walked out and heard him turn the key in the door behind me. I walked to the edge of the school lot and considered my options. The most direct routes home required me to either cut across town by the freight yard or cut through the toughest part of town, a neighborhood that made our street look like Beverly Hills. I knew if I didn't get killed walking through there, Darry would kill me afterward just for having been there. I wasn't supposed to be down by the train tracks either.

The other option was to stay on the "safe" streets, which would be far less risky but would easily double the time it would take to get home. It was not what I wanted to do, carrying my full bag of books and clothes, stuck in my practice uniform, but I knew it was the only way to avoid catching hell when I got home, so I started walking. It seemed pretty backwards to me, going out of my way to avoid Darry getting mad when I was the one who should be mad for being stranded. I had been walking for almost half an hour, and had just turned into the edge of the South side when I heard a car slowing down behind me. I glanced around and didn't recognize the car. I started to walk faster. Great, I thought, now I got strangers following me, too? Fantastic. I could feel the fear rising in me as I remembered seeing the Socs jump on Pony, and how Johnny had looked after they got to him. God only knows what they would have in store for me.

I heard the car pull over to the curb and felt my heart start beating faster. I was about to drop my bags and run for it when I heard someone call out.

"Hey, little Curtis?"

I turned. I was surprised to see Tim Shepard looking out his passenger window at me. He was a friend of Dally's, and just as tough as him, from what I heard.

"Tim?" I was surprised he even recognized me. Our paths occasionally crossed, but he really had no need for someone like me in his world. He and Darry got along OK, and Pony and his little brother Curly were around the same age, but I was nobody to him.

"What the hell you doin' out here by yourself in the dark?"

I was asking myself the same thing.

"Get in, I'll drive you home."

I wasn't sure how Darry was gonna feel about this, but I realized it was his own fault I was in this situation to begin with. He was supposed to pick me up an hour ago. I turned and walked to the car.

Tim pushed open the door and slid back over to the driver's seat. I tossed my bag on the floor, climbed in and pulled the door shut.

"Thanks, Tim," I said.

"I can't believe your brothers are letting you walk all over town by your lonesome, in the dark."

I didn't respond. I couldn't believe it, either.

"How old are you, anyway, kid? Ten?"

I'm used to people thinking that, since I am small. "Twelve," I said.

"So you're playing basketball, huh? That's tuff!"

"Thanks. We're not that good though."

"Uniform's kinda big on you, ain't it?"

I had to laugh. "You think?" Everything about me in my uniform was comical. The girl's team had inherited the outdated boy's team uniforms and they were ridiculously large on all of us, even the tall girls. I had done the best I could with my actual game uniform, actually trying to adapt it to someone my size with a needle and thread to make sure it stayed on, but my practice uniform I was less concerned about, and it was largely held together with safety pins.

What I knew of Tim was that he was the biggest hood around, with a reputation of being tougher than a pack of bulldogs in a meat factory. But he seemed nothing like that with me. I was staring out the window as he drove me home, and shivering slightly in just my uniform. "You cold?" He asked, and turned up the heat for me.

He pulled up in front of the house and turned off the ignition. I could see that Darry's truck was gone. I didn't move.

Tim turned to face me and I was surprised at what he said.

"You know, kid, I'm really sorry about your folks. They were great people and they took real good care of Dally."

I had no idea that tough numbers like Dally and Tim cared about who took care of their kind. Then I remembered seeing Tim at my parents' funeral, and talking to Dally afterward.

I looked up at him, surprised. "Thanks."

"C'mon kid, I'll walk you in," he said. I knew there wouldn't be anyone there to walk me in to.

I opened the door and we walked in. "Nobody's home," I said.

"Where's everyone at?" He asked.

I figured there was no point in lying. "Probably looking for me," I said. And as little as I knew Tim Shepard, I found myself venting to him about getting stranded at school, trying to get myself home while still following Darry's rules about where I was allowed to be, walking home scared to death of getting jumped. Tim laughed when I told him I thought he was gonna jump me, and how I was about two seconds from heading for the hills before he called to me and I recognized his voice.

"That's rough, kid," he said when I was done. "I can vouch for you taking the safe way home."

"I laughed. "I doubt it'll matter," I said.

"It'll matter." He assured me. "You got a pen, kid?" he asked.

I walked over and grabbed one from inside the kitchen and handed it to him. He ripped a piece of paper off a magazine and scribbled something on it.

"You keep this," he said. "It's my number. This happens again, you call me and I guarantee someone will show up to get you home safe."

I took it. "Thanks." I was dumbfounded. Tim Shepard was offering me a chauffeur service? What was that all about? I realized Tim's image as a tough hood might be true but that clearly wasn't all there was to it. I was still thinking about it when I heard Darry's truck pull up. A second later Darry and Ben burst through the door.

"Jesus, Scout, where the hell were you?" I saw them take note of Tim on the couch.

I was not gonna be made to feel bad here.

"I was exactly where I was supposed to be, waiting for my ride, 'til I got kicked out when they were locking up the school!" I was pretty aggravated. I realized then how scared I actually had been to have to walk home alone.

"You walked? Alone?" Ben looked shocked.

"Most of the way, the LONG way," I said. "I had no choice! Then Tim found me and gave me a ride."

Darry looked at Tim. " Found her on the far side of our neighborhood. She ain't lyin', Darry; she took the long way," he said.

Pony and Soda burst through the door, looking relieved when they saw me, but slightly confused to see Tim on the couch.

"I have homework," I announced, and stormed off. Pony trailed after me.

"Darry, can I talk to you outside?" I heard Tim ask. I was hoping he would give Darry holy hell about leaving me, because I couldn't.

I went into my room, Pony following me. Ben was not far behind.

I threw my bag on my bed and sat down next to it. I unzipped it and took out my homework. In truth, I didn't have much that I hadn't already finished at school before practice.

Pony was staring at me. "Jesus, Scout, we were scared as all hell about you."

I stared at him, trying not to show how scared I had been for myself.

"Yeah, well how do you think I felt when I realized you all forgot about me?" I asked. "You think I wanted to walk home? What do you expect me to do, apologize for getting left there?"

They didn't even try to answer.

"Just get out," I said. "I have homework. Shut the door."

They left, for lack of a better response. I felt bad that I had snapped at Ben, he had nothing to do with it. I suppose Pony really hadn't either.

I worked on my homework and eventually heard Soda at my door.

"Scout, dinner," he knocked.

"I'm not hungry," I said. "I got homework."

"Scout," he started…

"No, Soda." I was adamant. "I'm busy. I got a late start." I was rubbing it in.

I could hear him sigh outside the door.

I finished my homework and fumed for a while. I could hear the TV on and really didn't want to face anyone but there was no getting around it, I had to pee. I had already changed into my pajamas and I walked out through the living room, ignored anything that was said to me, and walked into the bathroom. When I came out, I was met with a full compliment of brothers in my face. I just plowed through them and put myself in bed. They followed and I felt them sit on my bed. I kept my eyes decisively shut. They didn't leave.

I decided I was mad enough to be the one to break the silence. I spoke up with my eyes still closed.

"You know, if you insist I can't be walking alone, you can't be leaving me stranded miles from home without a ride!" I had actually planned on saying something meaner.

"We didn't mean to. It was a mix-up, Scout. Darry and I both thought the other one was getting you," Soda said.

"And nobody even noticed when I wasn't home?"

"Of course we noticed. That's why we went looking for you! We were scared as hell about you. Why didn't you call?" Figures, Darry assumed I had neglected the obvious.

I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. "I called, Darry. Nobody answered."

They looked at each other. "I must have been in the shower," Soda said. "Pony was outside with Johnny and Darry got home a little late."

"Look, I'm trying," I said. "I'm trying as hard as I can to follow the rules you make. I try to do everything I get asked to do around here. I told you guys I wouldn't keep playing after they died, because I knew it was a pain to pick me up, and everyone insisted I keep playing."

"We want you to play," Darry said.

"I can't believe you forgot about me!" That was truly the bottom line. More than being angry, I was hurt. I gave in to it, and allowed myself to cry, just a little. "I count on you guys to not leave me stranded somewhere! I wish I didn't have to, but I do! I was scared to death walking, that I was gonna get jumped like Pony or more likely like Johnny since nobody would have come running to help me. God, you guys, I doubt Mom and Dad ever forgot about picking any of you up!"

I knew they felt bad about it, and I was only trying to make them feel worse by bringing Mom and Dad into it. I was probably being unfair. I wasn't quite sure about whether I was more angry, hurt, or scared at the fact that they had forgotten me.

"Scout, it won't happen again. We promise." I think Darry was starting to realize that I might have been more scared for myself than they had been about me.

"No, it won't, because Mr. Knight in shining armor Tim Shepard gave me his phone number to call if it does!"

"So what, he can kick our asses for forgetting you?"

"No, he'll come pick me up so I'm not out walking the streets of Tulsa alone in the dark!" I wondered what he'd said to Darry.

"We really are sorry Scout. We should have been more careful about making sure we knew who was doing what. You can't really think we forgot about you. We freaked out when we realized nobody had picked you up."

I knew they probably had. I was starting to feel bad about having been so mean. "Well, did I at least do what you would have wanted me to do?" I asked. "I knew you would kill me if I cut down by the tracks or took Eastern Ave. I had to walk, I mean what else was I supposed to do? I couldn't just stay there, there are always kids hanging out around the school looking for trouble."

"No, you did everything you should have. We shouldn't have been yelling at you when we found you – we weren't mad, we were relieved. Christ, when I pulled in and saw Shepard's car outside, I was afraid he was here with some kind of bad news about you. I guess we could have handled things better." Darry seemed heartfelt.

"I guess I could have too," I said.

"I guess we're all just still learning how to deal with everything," Soda said. "Darry's right, we weren't mad at you. We were worried."

"Did Tim get upset at you?" I asked Darry.

"Not really upset. Just wanted to make sure this doesn't happen again. I guess Curly got jumped the day after Ponyboy, and roughed up pretty good. Things are getting out of hand around here. I assure you, Scout, this won't happen again. None of us want you walking around town alone."

I sighed. I knew they hadn't meant it. I just hoped we had all scared each other enough that I wouldn't slip their minds again.


	7. The Thanksgiving

Although none of us had talked about it, I know we had all been dreading Thanksgiving, the first of a lifetime of holidays without our Mom and Dad. I personally thought I would have liked to just stay in bed all day and night until the holiday was over but Darry was not much for letting me sit around and feel sorry for myself, unless I actually was sick. Plus, having just barely recovered from the stomach bug, I was not too keen on even pretending to go through that again. It was Ben's mom who saved us from our self-pity. A few days prior she had appeared at our door inviting us all over for Thanksgiving dinner, and refusing to take no for an answer. She was smart enough to come herself; Darry would have had no trouble politely refusing Ben or even Kevin, but he couldn't say no to Mrs. Cummings.

So Thanksgiving afternoon, all of us Curtises dutifully washed up, made ourselves presentable, and trudged through our backyard over the fence bridge to Ben's house. Darry, not really able to think of anything appropriate in the way of food that we could bring, brought a floral centerpiece. Mrs. Cummings hugged each of us as we entered, taking the flowers from Darry.

"You know Darrel, you really didn't have to, but they're beautiful. You're such a gentleman, just like your Dad." I could see a hint of pride in Darry's face.

We sat down, my whole family and Ben's, and tried our best at pleasant conversation. I remembered when Darry had first told us all that our parents had died, how I had felt the reality of it hovering over us… Apparently, somebody had invited that reality to Thanksgiving dinner, because there it was, hovering over us again. I almost wondered how Darry could sit without having to duck to avoid it. The food was good, though I am sure we all were comparing it to our Mom's. I don't know about my brothers, but I spent a lot of the meal thinking about my Dad. He used to make a big corny production about how thankful he was for each of us kids, then carry on forever about my Mom's beauty virtues until she was laughing so hard she cried. She was so beautiful when she smiled. My Dad, fond as he was of strange names and nicknames, never called her by her real name, which was Mary Elisabeth. He called her "Mollybeth," "MollyMac," (her maiden name was MacIntyre) or just plain "Bethie." Every year after we ate he would crash on the couch watching football, exclaiming "That was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever, Bethie!" She would smile and when she had finished cleaning up she would sit on the couch with him, his head in her lap as they talked.

"So how's the basketball going, Scout?" Kevin startled me back into reality.

"Oh, OK I guess. I mean we're not gonna win any championships or anything."

"Well, I hear you're the best shot on the team."

I felt my face turn red and I changed the subject. "You guys coming to Darry's game Sunday?" Tulsa had a big game against their rivals from across the city on Sunday.

"Probably," Kevin said.

"Hey, can Scout ride out with us?" Ben asked. He knew I hated riding to Darry's games with Steve, who usually had to drive us since Two-Bit's car wasn't really reliable enough to take out of the neighborhood, and Darry went out early in the truck.

"Yeah, I don't see why not." Kevin didn't act like having me around was a big hassle like Steve did.

"Thanks, Kevin," Darry said. I know he would have rather had me with Kevin than Steve too. Steve and Soda got in too much trouble; he preferred me not being around the two of them together.

It seemed to me like we all played our roles well and came across as a family that, for having lost our founding members a mere two months ago, was managing to hold it together as well as could be expected. As we headed back home I knew we all were truly grateful to Ben's mom for having saved us from ourselves that afternoon. It would have been too easy to just sit around at home and feel sad.

Somehow we didn't really make it all the way home, and Pony, Ben, Soda and I sat outside in our backyard for a while. Pony was smoking, of course, and Soda and Ben were trying to think of a way that they could make a rope hang from a tree over the fence so we could pull ourselves up onto it instead of always scraping our shins jumping up. It sounded like a pretty decent idea to me but I had no interest in being involved in the logistics of it. I just sat and watched Pony smoke, listening to their conversation. After a while I heard the phone ring in our house. Pony threw down his cigarette and came and sat next to me.

"You OK?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. "I just miss them."

"Me too, " he said. "Remember Dad's silly Thanksgiving speeches?" I guess he had been thinking about the same thing at dinner that I had.

"Of course I do," I said. "That was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever, Bethie!" My voice cracked as I said it and Pony put his arm around my neck. "I hope I never forget all that stuff," I said.

"Well, There are four of us to help each other remember," he said.

"You should write about it, Pony," I said. "Then we'd always have it, written down."

"I can't, Scout. Not yet. Maybe someday… But not yet." I could understand that, it was all too fresh. We all needed some distance before we could really talk or write about it in detail.

"Scout!" Darry's voice was suddenly calling me from the back door.

"Come in here. Phone." I was confused. Darry had answered the phone at least 5 minutes ago. I couldn't imagine who he would talk to for that long that would also want to talk to me except maybe Ben, and he was outside with me.

I walked up to the door. "Who is it?" I asked.

"Uncle Pat," Darry said. "He wants to talk to you." Darry handed me the phone with a slightly baffled look. Uncle Pat usually did call and talk to my Mom and Dad on holidays but didn't usually ask for me. I took the phone and jumped up on the kitchen counter to sit.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hey Scout, it's Patrick."

"Hi Uncle Pat," I said. "Happy Thanksgiving."

"You too, baby," he said. "This must be a tough day for you guys. Are you doing OK?"

"Yeah, I guess so. Not that bad, I guess."

"I heard you went to your friend Ben's house?"

"Yeah," I said.

"That's good. Being with friends is a good idea." He said.

"I guess so," I said. He clearly wanted to talk to me about something else.

"So, Scout, I asked to talk to you because I need your help with something."

That was certainly not what I would have guessed. I had figured he felt worst for me on our first holiday alone since I'm the youngest.

"OK," I said. "I'll try."

"Scout, you know your brother Darry's a pretty stubborn young man, right?"

I had to laugh. "Yeah, I know," I said.

"Well, he's not making it very easy for me to do anything nice for your family," Pat said.

"That's him," I said. Darry was sitting at the table sorting bills and pretending not to listen but I knew he was.

"I asked him to bring you all down here for Christmas this year – we'd love to have you – but he said no."

"That sounds about right," I said. Darry was too proud to take any offers of support from Pat's family.

"So I'm asking you to help me out with a little secret, since you're a little more reasonable than your big brother."

"OK," I said. Darry was dying to know what was being said on the other end of the phone, I could tell.

"I want to send you some money, Scout, to buy your brothers a few things for Christmas, since he won't bring you down."

"You don't have to Pat," I said.

"I know that, Scout. I'm not doing it because I have to, I'm doing it because I want to. But Darry would never accept it. So I'm sending it to you. You get to be Santa. Think you can do that? You don't even have to tell the boys where the gifts came from, just make sure there's something there to make them happy on Christmas Day, OK? Can you do that for me, Scout? 'Cause I want to do it. Your Mom and Dad would have done the same for my boys."

He was right, they would have. I needed a moment before agreeing to be sure I wouldn't cry.

"Scout? Can you help me out?"

"Sure, Uncle Pat."

"That's my girl," he said. "Keep your eyes out for it in the mail, OK?"

"I will. Thanks."

"And Scout?"

"Yeah?"

"Hang in there, OK? Your brothers and all of us down here love you a lot."

"I know." The tears were starting a little.

"Ok, then. Bye, Scout."

"Bye, Pat."

Darry looked up at me as I jumped off the counter to hang up the phone. I tried to wipe away the tears before he saw them but didn't. He came over and hugged me.

"I miss them too, baby," he said.

**A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who has taken the time to review both Epiphany and Reality so far. I really appreciate it. The reason I have been able to post so quickly is because I have been working on this story for a really long time, but not entirely in order. Now that I have most of it done I am going back, editing, filling in blanks, and posting. I hope you will stick with it because there are unexpected things to come.**

**To the reviewer who liked my characterization of Tim Shepard... keep reading. Tim is full of surprises. The way I ended up writing him surprised even me!  
**

**Thanks, and please keep reading and reviewing and recommending me to friends!**

**samaryley**


	8. The Game

I walked over to Ben's house and he was waiting for me on the porch.

"You gonna be warm enough?" Ben asked me. I was wearing Dad's Tulsa Golden Hurricanes shirt with a turtleneck underneath.

"I'll be fine, Mom," I said sarcastically.

"Ha, funny," he said. "Just don't complain to me later if you're cold. Or expect my coat."

"Only gentlemen offer a lady their coat, Benjamin," I said. "Are you implying that you are a gentleman?"

He didn't answer. I gave in.

"I have a coat in my bag, wiseass," I said.

Ben just shook his head at me and took my bag. Kevin came out the door.

"Ready, Scout?" he asked.

"Yup," I said. "Just me coming?" I had expected other people might be tagging along.

"I'm picking up Kate," he said. Kate and Kevin had been on-again off-again dating for a few years. I played on the bvasketball team with her sister Sarah, but didn't hang around with her much since she was a sophomore. I liked both sisters OK.

"Oh," I said, and hopped into the back of Kevin's car. Ben followed and after a few tries and a little coaxing from Kevin, the car roared to life. Kate lived a few blocks away and from there it was only a fifteen minute ride across town to the University. Kate chatted nonstop the whole way, and I just spaced out staring out the window, until I realized everybody was silent and Ben and Kate were looking at me like they expected an answer.

"Earth to Scout," Ben teased.

"I'm sorry, what?" I had no idea what she had asked me. I hadn't heard a word she said. "Sorry, Kate, I was in my own world."

"That's OK," she said. "I was just asking how everything is going with you and your brothers. I mean, with your parents gone and all."

Gone. She made it sound like they were on a trip to Europe or something.

"We're OK." I said. I wasn't about to get into it with her, how Darry was about to crack from the stress of it all, we all tiptoed around each other like zombies, and I was getting stuck walking around Tulsa alone at night.

"Your parents were great," she said.

"Thanks." I tried to remember if I had seen her at the funeral to figure out if I should be thanking her for coming or not, but I couldn't remember. There had been so many people there. I knew she hadn't been there with Kevin, at least, since I had ridden in his car to the cemetery.

"So Kate, how's the cheerleading going?" I know Ben knew that I didn't really want to talk about my parents so he changed the subject, picking one he knew she would ramble on and on about. I squeezed his hand and gave him a look that I hoped he could read as thanks.

Kate was still going on, lamenting about something to do with the poor quality of the new cheering sweaters when we pulled into the stadium lot. Ben and I were out the door the second the car came to a stop, Ben yelling over his shoulder at Kevin,

"See you at the half." Whoever went to the games from our gang usually met at halftime back at the car – the guys to smoke and drink beer and us kids to get them to give us money for soda and snacks.

First I had to go down to the field to tell Darry I was there – he had told me the last think he needed during the game was to have to worry about us not making it there for some reason. Soda and Pony had received the same orders. Ben and I entered the stands and walked down to the first row and leaned over the concrete barrier separating the stands from the field.

I looked around for Darry. It was impossible to tell any of the guys apart in their full uniforms except for the giant linemen, but I searched the field for Darry's number, 44. Finally I spotted him down by the thirty-yard line talking to a few other players and a coach. I waited until the coach walked away and then yelled to him.

"Darry!" He turned and saw me and Ben and came trotting over.

"Hey guys," he said, taking off his helmet and setting it on the concrete barrier.

"Are Soda and Pony here yet?" I asked, They had left before me, in Steve's car.

"No, and they better get here soon or Pony's never riding with those two again. Darry wanted Ponyboy to ride out with Kevin- as I said, Soda and Steve get into too much mischief and Darry doesn't want us involved in any of it, but Pony argued with him, and somehow managed to get his way. I don't know why Pony would want to go with Steve anyway, he's never nice to us, but Pony loves it when he gets to hang around with Soda, so I guess he just puts up with Steve.

Just after Darry spoke, Ben nudged me and pointed to the opposite goal line where Soda, Pony, Steve, Two-Bit, and Steve and Soda's girlfriends Evie and Sandy were just coming around the corner of the field to the stands. I had no idea how all of them had gotten there, I could only guess that maybe Soda had driven Sandy's dad's car… He had an uncanny knack for getting girlfriends' parents to trust him with their cars, and they probably didn't even know that he rarely even drank. I could tell just from the way Two-Bit was walking that he was drunk. I didn't really care, though. Two-Bit's never been anything but a silly drunk, around me anyway. He's not mean like I some guys can get. Darry followed my gaze and saw them coming, too.

"Good deal," he said. "At least I don't have to worry about you guys all night."

"We're fine, Darry," I said. "Go play. Good luck."

He gave my shoulder a quick squeeze and started back toward the field. Ben and I were turning to leave, when suddenly Darry called me back.

"Hey, Scout!"

"Yeah?" I figured he was gonna give me a lecture to stay away from the drunk college guys or something.

"You and Ben can sit in Mom and Dad's seats if you want." The team had a reserved section of seats on the fifty- yard line for parents and trustees, rich people who gave a lot of money to the school, stuff like that. Each player's family only got two seats and our parents had always sat there with the other parents, so none of us kids ever got to sit there before. I wondered why he was offering them to me instead of Soda or Pony, but I guessed maybe it was because Ben and I were the most separate two of the bunch. The rest of the guys hung out together but we were usually considered too young to hang around with them. Darry was looking at me like he expected an answer.

"Are you sure?" Ben asked. I guess he felt since he technically wasn't family he shouldn't sit there.

"Yeah. You guys sit there, OK? Any of the other guys would probably embarrass me around the other guys' parents."

He was definitely right about that. Two-Bit, or Soda and Steve with their girls around a group of parents and rich people might not be the best idea.

"OK, Dar," I agreed. "We'll sit there." I felt kinda proud that he thought I would represent him best. He smiled and ran back to join his team.

Ben and I stayed down at the base of the stands as the rest of the guys made their way through the crowd to us.

"Hey Scooter," Two-Bit came over and messed up my hair. "How's your date going?" He was always teasing me and Ben, though I knew the two of them liked each other.

He turned to Ben. "No monkey business on the first date, you hear? I got my eye on you, kid."

Ben did not even give Two-Bit the dignity of an answer. It was sometimes best just to not encourage him.

"You guys comin' up?" Soda asked. We usually sat in the very top row, down by the home end zone. That way we could stand up and lean against the back stadium wall.

"Actually, I think Ben and I are gonna sit down here."

Soda looked at me questioningly. He didn't get it.

"Darry asked… well, he wanted us to sit in Mom and Dad's seats." I knew Soda wouldn't care – he wouldn't be watching the game anyway, he'd probably be making out with Sandy the whole time and couldn't have cared less where he sat – but I hadn't considered Pony's reaction.

"How come you two get the good seats?" Pony is always acting like he has been purposely excluded. Sometimes I think he has some kind of complex.

Just to be obnoxious, I was about to tell him that Darry gave the seats to me since I took a ride with Kevin like he wanted Pony to, but then I knew that would just get Steve's dander up about Darry not wanting us around him so I held my tongue.

"You can sit with Scout if you want, Pony," Ben said. "You're right, I don't really deserve the good seats anyway, I'm not family."

I turned and glared at Ben. He knew how Pony and I didn't get along. I didn't really dig the idea of sitting through a whole football game alone with him and Darry's friends' parents.

"Forget it," Pony said. I don't think he was thrilled at the prospect either. "You can't smoke down there anyway."

I could tell Steve and Soda were eager to get up and stake out seats so I grabbed Ben's hand. "We're gonna go sit," I said. "See you guys at halftime."

"I'll be watching you two," Two-Bit tried to sound intimidating but tripped over his own feet as he said it while turning and just cracked a goofy grin and followed everyone else down to the end zone.

Ben and I were among the first to our section and found my parents' seats. These were actually seats, not bleachers like we were used to sitting in.

"Whoa, so this is how the other half lives," Ben said, sarcastically, folding my seat down for me.

"Thank you sir," I said.

"So how many six-packs you think Two-Bit consumed so far?" Ben laughed.

"I don't know… more than one, less than four. Can you imagine if Darry let him sit here?" We both had a good laugh at that.

The game started and the seats around us started to fill up. I had to chuckle; some of these people were dressed like they were going to the opera, not a college football game. Men were wearing suits and the women were in heels. Ben and I whispered to each other non-stop about the people around us, making up stories about how they were late because the maid had done a poor job polishing the silver steering wheel on the limousine, or that "That dreadful butler" had failed to notify them of the fact that it was time to leave. Sometimes we didn't even have to say anything, we just both noticed someone ridiculous at the same time, turned to each other at the same time to comment on it, and just broke up laughing. I don't think the people around us even noticed though. I wondered if my parents had talked to the others. I'm sure they must have; both of them were so friendly, they could have a conversation with strangers and walk away like they had known each other for years. I wasn't exactly the type to start a random conversation with people more than twice my age that I didn't know, though.

The game itself was close but as the first half ended, there was no score.

Ben and I fought our way through the well-dressed crowd back to the parking lot to meet up with the guys for halftime. We met up with Kevin and Kate at his car and they decided to come with us to find my brothers and the guys, but since we hadn't come together I didn't know where Steve (and whatever other car they had come in) had parked. We wandered over to the area where I had seen them come in and eventually I could follow the sound of Two-Bit's voice through the crowd to locate them. Pony was leaning up against the front of the car smoking and Soda, Steve and the girls were sitting on the trunk. Two-Bit was flirting with some college girls in the neighboring car, but when he saw us coming he turned his attention to us. The girls shot us a look of eternal gratitude as they headed off in the other direction. Two-Bit came straight up to me and Ben.

"He lay a hand on you, Scooter? I'll kill him." Two-Bit loved this game.

"Actually, I just had my way with her in Kevin's car." Ben said this with a completely straight face. My jaw dropped. Ben was not usually the joking type. Two-Bit's reaction was priceless, as he was first shocked that Ben had said it and then overcome by amusement. Obvioulsy he got the joke.

"Oh, come on you guys," Pony couldn't deal with any kind of sexual innuendo at all. Steve knew this and whenever he really wanted Pony to get lost he'd just start talking about what happened between him and some girl. Pony's face would turn red and he'd beat it out of there.

"Have a beer, kid, Two-Bit cracked one open and handed it to Ben. He accepted it and took a sip. I sometimes wondered why Kevin didn't mind Ben drinking or smoking sometimes while Darry would go ballistic if he so much as heard that I had taken a sip or a drag…I guessed it was mostly because I was a girl. Kevin was a good brother, just like Darry, but Ben had a lot more freedom than I did. Darry had the whole gang trained too. Ben had me hold his beer for a minute while he tied his shoe, and I saw both Two-Bit and Pony watching me like a hawk to make sure I didn't sneak a sip. I really had no chance at delinquency, somebody would rat me out in a second.

Kevin gave Ben a few dollars for a soda and I hesitantly went to the back of the car to talk to see if I could get some money from Soda. I wasn't worried about Soda or the girls, it was Steve – he was always aggravated when I was around, especially when they were with girls. I poked my head around the corner of the car and Sandy spotted me.

"Hey, Scout," she said, "Come on around." I really liked Sandy. She was just so… real, I guess. She didn't pretend to be tougher or smarter or prettier than she was – and she held her own in all those areas.

I came around the back of the car. Soda and Steve were arguing about something football-oriented.

"Boys," Sandy said, and rolled her eyes. Evie and I both laughed, which got the boys' attention. Steve had a beer in his hand and now he looked drunker than Two-Bit. He sneered at me.

"Looks like your goddamn pain in the ass kid sister's here, begging for cash," he said.

There was a palpable silence. I felt like I could actually hear Soda's brain processing what had just been said. It was a very uncomfortable silence and, feeling like I had caused it, I decided to end it.

"I'll just see you at home, Soda," I said. "Bye Sandy."

Soda wasn't gonna take it, though. He shoved Steve, hard, against the car.

'What the hell's your problem?" Steve shoved him back.

"My problem is how you just talked about my sister," Soda said. I didn't like how this was going.

"Forget it, Soda," I said.

"No, I won't," he said. "He has no reason to talk about you like that." Soda never really seemed to catch on to how much Steve disliked me and Ponyboy.

"It's fine, Soda. Don't worry about it." Soda was unconvinced.

I moved toward him and looked him in the eye, speaking too quietly for Steve to hear.

"He's drunk, Soda. Just forget it, OK?"

He stared down at me for a minute. "You're something, Scout," he said. He reached in his pocket and passed me a few dollars.

"You too," I said, and turned and left. I grabbed Ben and we walked back to our fancy seats.

The second half was much more exciting. The two teams matched each other touchdown for touchdown, and with only about two minutes remaining Tulsa was making a convincing drive. The whole stadium was alive with anticipation as the huddle broke. I watched Darry run over to his position.

The play started and as the quarterback dodged the defense and looked up I saw Darry sprinting for the end zone, at least two yards ahead of the closest defender. The quarterback spotted him, ducked under a block, and rocketed the ball towards Darry. Unfortunately the pass was a bit too long, and it looked like it might get past him, but somehow Darry sprinted toward it, extended his arms and leaped forward just in time to grab it and gather it in toward his chest. As I screamed out in excitement, however, two huge linemen came out of nowhere, hitting him in midair and slamming him to the ground. I swear I heard bones grinding against each other and suddenly everything was in slow motion.

Darry hit the ground in the end zone, still cradling the ball, and the referees arms went up signaling a touchdown. Then the bodies of both linemen came crashing down on top of him. I stood up, covering my mouth with my hand. The linemen gathered themselves up and climbed off Darry, but he lay still. The linemen both bent down over him and motioned to the sidelines. The Tulsa coaches and trainers went running toward him from the bench and that was enough for me. I jumped from my seat and ran through the crowd down to the concrete barrier, fighting my way down to the end zone. As I got there Darry still lay on the ground, unmoving. I leaned over the barrier and screamed at him, trying to climb over.

"Darry! Get up! Darry!"

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Soda. He pulled me back over the barrier and held me tight.

"He's OK, Scout. He's OK. Look. He's getting up." I turned again to see Darry slowly getting up, shaking off the hit. The coaches eased him to his feet as the crowd exploded in applause in acknowledgement of his tremendous catch.

I was surprised to realize that my eyes had filled up. I had been more scared than I had realized. With Mom and Dad around, I had never felt scared about Darry getting hurt playing football, but now I realized that if something ever happened to him, there was no safety net. Then I would be an orphan for real.

Soda sat me up on the barrier. I stared at the field. The rest of the gang was there, behind us.

"He's OK, Scout," Soda was rubbing my back. "Look," he said.

"DARRY!" He yelled.

Darry turned towards us and gave Soda a thumbs-up. Still, I was upset. Relieved, but upset. Soda got it, and turned me around and hugged me.

"It's OK," he repeated. "He's fine, Scout." I took a deep breath and pulled back. I looked at Soda and wiped my eyes quickly. I was OK. It had just scared me, that's all.

"I'm OK," I said.

"Why do you put up with her shit?" Steve suddenly appeared behind Soda. Clearly he was even drunker than before.

"What?" He spun around.

"She's crying about a football game," Steve said. "She's a fucking baby. Why do you even let her come anyways?"

Soda turned but held my hand, still.

"I'm not crying," I said.

"Asshole, that's our brother," he said. "She was worried about him. He's her parent now, practically."

"Whatever," Steve said. "I'm sick of her shit, and your little brother, too. They need to fucking grow up."

Soda let go of my hand and faced Steve. "You watch your mouth," he warned.

Evie, Steve's girlfriend, looked mortified behind him. I was worried Soda was gonna start a fight right there with him, so I pulled him away, toward me.

"Let it go, Soda. I don't care." I didn't. It was no secret to me that Steve didn't like me or Pony hanging around., though this was the first time he had actually admitted it to Soda.

"Yeah," Steve taunted, "Let your goddamn toddler sister tell you what to do. You're a fucking pussy, Curtis."

Soda started toward him again but I held tight to him and Pony came over and took his other arm.

"Let's just go, Soda," Pony said. "This isn't the place to make a scene." I was grateful that he had the presence of mind to take the high road. Pony can be really hotheaded sometimes too, but us having a fight here in the end would only reflect poorly on Darry.

"Get the hell out of here," Soda said to Steve.

"Fine by me. I don't need to be hanging around with little kids anyway. Let's go Evie." He took her arm and pulled her roughly away. I could see her mouth the words "I'm sorry" to Soda and Sandy as she turned to follow Steve.

Two-Bit put his hand on my shoulder. "Don't you pay him no mind, Scooter, he just can't hold his liquor so well as others, such as myself." He was even drunker than Steve, but with none of the negative effects.

"It's fine, Two-Bit. I know he doesn't like me."

"It's not fine," Soda said. "Nobody talks about you like that." Sandy was trying to calm him down by distracting him, for which I was eternally thankful. She was kissing him from behind on the neck and I could see him warming up to the distraction.

While our argument had transpired, the game had ended. People were filing out past us.

"Let's go see the hero," I said. All the players hung out for a few minutes after the game down in the end zone so parents and friends could congratulate them before they hit the showers.

When we got there, though, Darry was surrounded by a huge crowd and it seemed silly to sit around there waiting when we would see him at home in an hour anyway.

"I think we should just go," Kevin said. I knew he wanted to bring Ben home so he could go out with Kate alone before she had to be home for curfew.

"You know what, Kev?" I said, "I'll just go home with Soda. You guys go ahead."

"You sure?" Ben wasn't thrilled about being in the car alone with them, I could tell.

"Yeah, I should, Ben. Just to calm him down."

"You shouldn't, Scout. Steve was being an asshole. He was right to be pissed off."

"I know. I just… I just wanna go with him and Pony, OK?" Two-Bit had already found himself a ride back to the neighborhood, to Buck Merrill's bar, probably.

"Alright," Ben said, glancing at Kevin and Kate, "but you owe me one."

"I owe you two," I said, and squeezed his hand. "Bye, Ben." I craned my neck around him. "Bye Kevin, bye Kate."

"Seeya Scout," they said, and disappeared into the crowd.

Unfortunately by the time I had said goodbye to them I had lost Soda and Pony in the crowd. I looked for a few minutes, and then not even seeing Darry outside anymore, I figured that I'd better go look for his truck. Soda didn't know I wanted to ride with him, and had he already left, Darry was my last chance for a ride. I certainly didn't want to be calling Tim Shepard for a ride home from the University.

I wandered around the players' lot and found Darry's truck. I wasn't worried it would be locked – I couldn't remember the last time we had locked a vehicle. I opened the door and hopped into the passenger seat. I leaned against the window, using my coat as a barrier against the coldness, and thought about the events of the night. Before too long I heard footsteps and the driver's side door opened.

"Hi,Dar," I said. He nearly jumped a mile in the air.

"Jesus God, Scout, you trying to kill me? You scared the hell out of me."

"Sorry," I said.

"Why didn't you go home with the others?" He asked.

"Well, it's a long story. They didn't just leave me though. I told Kevin I would go with Soda before I told Soda and then he had already left."

"Well, at least it wouldn't have been our fault if you had no ride this time. So did you have Shepard's number with you?"

"Ha, funny, Darry, no."

He started the truck and pulled out. I considered all I could tell him, about sitting in the fancy seats and making up stories about the people, about being scared he was hurt, about the drama with Steve.

"That was a really great catch, Darry." was what I said.


	9. The Plan

The next week at practice I told Anna about what had happened, about me not getting picked up the week before and having to walk home. How I felt like a pain for having to get driven around everywhere.

"I feel bad, too," she said. "I know exactly what you mean. Someone has to leave the restaurant every night to come get me. I know it's a pain for them."

"Hey, maybe we could split it," I said.

"What?" she asked.

"You know, like take turns. We only live a few blocks away. Our families could alternate days, or weeks picking us up. Than we'd only be a pain in the butt to our families half as much."

"Curtis, that's inspired!" she said.

We agreed to run it past the superpowers (that's what we called Darry and her Dad) that night.

After dinner I had dishes duty so I was washing dishes while Darry was dealing with the bills at the kitchen table.

"So, Darry, my friend Anna and I had an idea at practice today."

"I thought you didn't get along with anyone else on the team," he didn't even look up.

"Just not the high school kids," I said. "Anna's in eighth grade too. Her Dad owns Angelo's, you know, over by the post office?"

"Yeah, I know it. So you're telling me you are actually friends with a girl?" Darry feigned shock. It actually was a little bit shocking, even to me. I had always had only boys for friends.

"you're a real laugh-riot, Darry," I said. "Really, we had an idea."

Darry looked up from the bills. "It better be good," he said. "I'm pretty busy here."

"Well, we think so." I told him about our plan for our families taking turns with picking us up. He was skeptical but I think I sold him on it when I said that the added bonus was that if either family forgot us, at least we wouldn't be alone.

"So we can set it up?" I asked him.

"Yeah. I think it's a good idea," he said. " Especially if it makes it easier for all of us."

I was so excited I went to call Anna right away.

"Angelos!"

"Anna?"

"No, this is Alison." Her sister sounded just like her.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is Anna there? This is Scout Curtis."

"Sure, hold on a minute."

I heard a general ruckus in the background and then: "Hello?"

"Anna?"

"Hey Scout! How'd it go on your end?"

"He agreed. You?"

"Me too! Cool!"

"Ok, so Darry said he would take care of this week. Is that good?"

"That's great, because my Dad just found out that the health inspector is coming to the restaurant on Thursday. He's completely stressed out."

"Great," I said. "So tell your Dad not to worry about this week."

"I will. See you tomorrow, Scout."

"'Night Anna."


	10. The chauffeur

Darry was there right on time to pick us up the next day. He had even cleaned up the inside of the truck. I hopped into the middle and Anna into the passenger seat.

"Anna, this is my brother Darry. Darry, this is Anna Harvey."

"Hi!" They said in unison.

"It's nice to meet you," Anna said. "Scout talks about you all the time."

"She does, huh?" He looked questioningly at me.

"Yeah. You sound like a pretty great brother." Darry smiled and I was so grateful to her for having said that, unprovoked.

Anna and I talked about practice and the girls on the team the whole ride home while Darry listened with an amused grin on his face. I don't think he was used to the fast pace of junior-high school girl gossip. We finally pulled up in front of Angelo's, and Anna grabbed her bag and hopped out.

"'Night Anna," I said.

"Bye Scout," she answered. "Goodnight, Mr. Curtis. Thanks!"

I burst out laughing. Mr. Curtis! Ha!

"You can call me Darry, Anna," he said, chuckling.

"OK. Well, Thanks, Darry, she smiled and headed inside.

Darry pulled away and when we pulled up to the house I got out of the truck and stared at him.

"What?" he asked.

"Well, just wanted to say thanks for the ride, Mr. Curtis!"

Darry chased me all the way into the house until I tripped and fell onto the couch and was tickled into submission.


	11. The Flat

The next week was Anna's family's turn to pick us up. Things were going smoothly with the new plan and on Thursday we saw her Dad's car pull up and ran out to the car. I was surprised to see that it was neither Mr. Harvey nor Mario, the busboy who had once been sent to pick us up.

Anna jumped in first. "Hey Ali," she said. "Scout, this is my sister Alison."

"Hi," I said. They looked alike, as sisters would, but different. Alison seemed older than nineteen. She just seemed very… put together. She was naturally pretty, and didn't appear to even be wearing any makeup, except maybe some mascara. Her hair was longer than Anna's, and darker, and she had it pulled back loosely in a low ponytail. Her features were softer and less exaggerated than Anna's, though both of them were attractive in their own way.

"Hi, Scout," Alison said. She was far more soft-spoken than Anna.

She pulled away from the curb and she and Anna were immediately involved in a conversation about the goings-on at the pizzeria.

I gave directions from the backseat about where to go. As we turned the corner into my neighborhood the front left tire hit something and it was obvious that the tire was going flat. We rolled to a stop a block or so from the house.

"That's OK," I said, "my brother Soda knows all about cars. He'll know what to do."

We walked down to the house and I found myself silently hoping that it was presentable. I walked up to the door and peered in, relieved to see that it was just my brothers, nobody else from the gang was over.

I opened the door and everyone looked up.

"Hey guys… Darry, you know Anna, but Anna, these are my other brothers, Soda and Ponyboy."

"Hi," she said.

"And, this is Anna's sister, Alison." Everyone's gaze shifted to the doorway. She blushed at the attention. I couldn't imagine Anna ever blushing.

"Soda, we had some car trouble," I said. "It's just a tire, but…"

"Where is it?" He asked.

"Down the street," I said.

"I'll show you," said Anna. I wanted to laugh. She had never met Soda and was clearly interested, but I knew she was too young for him; plus, he was really into Sandy. I had never seen him so into a girl as he was with her.

Darry went up to the door and introduced himself to Alison.

"Come on in and sit down." He ushered her in. "Don't worry, Soda can fix anything."

"Don't say that just yet, Darry, I ain't even seen what's wrong yet." Soda headed out to take a look. Anna followed.

"We really appreciate your family helping out with picking up Scout," Darry said to Alison. "It's a big help."

"Well, I can't take too much credit," Alison replied, "This is only my first time doing it. My Dad couldn't get out of the restaurant, so he had the day waitress stay late and sent me."

"You know, we don't have to stick to the schedule exactly," Darry said. "If something comes up, you can always call and Soda or I can go get them. Here, let me give you my number." He jotted down our phone number and Alison put it in her pocket.

"I'll give you ours too," Ali said, and added, "I'll give you our home number but this time of day we're pretty much always down in the restaurant, so you probably want to call there."

Darry looked at the paper and I thought I saw a slight smile as he put it in his wallet.

Just then Soda and Anna came back in looking for Darry. "The jack's all rusted up, Darry. Can you come down and see if you can budge it?"

"Scout, could I use your phone? We better call our Dad if we're gonna be here much longer. He worries…" Anna said.

"I know exactly what you mean," I said and stuck my tongue out at Darry.

"That's what fathers and older brothers are for," he said. "Go ahead, Anna," he said, motioning to the phone, "Knock yourself out."

"Pony, you might hafta come too, I don't know if Darry can get it but maybe all three of us can," Soda said.

"Mind if I watch?" Alison asked. "I guess I should know how to do it in case I ever have to," she said.

"A good-looking girl like you should never have to change her own tire," Darry said as he was holding the door for her, and I nearly died. Was he actually flirting?

The second they left Anna was all over me. "Oh my God, Scout! Why didn't you tell me your other brothers are gorgeous too!" That Sodapop, he's adorable! Even Ponyboy's a looker!"

I laughed. She had never mentioned she thought Darry was attractive in the first place. "You're too young for Soda, Anna. He'd never date you. And you don't want to date Pony, he's too weird."

"I don't know, I wouldn't throw any of those boys out of my bed!" she said as she dialed.

"_Anna!_" I didn't want to think of any of my brothers in her bed.

"What?" She started to respond, then "Oh, hi, Dad."

She told her dad about the car trouble and after telling him about a hundred times that they were both fine and no, he did not need to come get them and Scout's brothers could handle it, and yes, they'd call again if it was going to be too much longer, she finally hung up.

"Dear Lord," she said. "It's just a flat tire. You'd think we were stranded in the middle of New York City or something."

"Darry's the same way," I said. I wished he had been there for the conversation, he might have realized how ridiculous it sometimes sounded on my end.

"Let's go see how it's going," I said. We walked down the street to find Darry and Soda removing the spare tire from the back of Anna's Dad's car. Alison had leaned against the fence surrounding the house where the car had come to a rest, as did Pony, smoking. Darry had rolled up his sleeves and I was sure it was to show off his muscles. Anna and I went over and leaned on the fence between Pony and Ali.

"So who unstuck the jack?" I asked.

"Who else? Hercules." Pony said.

"Good Job, Dar," I said. "Way to show the metal who's boss." I turned to Pony. "I see you're making yourself useful, Pone."

Pony sneered at me but Darry cracked a smile as he cranked the jack up another notch and set to work loosening the lugs. Soda came over with the spare and together they eased the flat off and attached the spare. Darry tightened the bolts as Soda put the flat into the trunk.

"That oughta do it," said Darry, standing up and handing Soda the folded up jack to put into the trunk.

Alison stepped forward. "Thanks a lot, I mean, I really appreciate it, Darrel. You too, Soda."

"Call me Darry," Darry said, "and it's no problem. Us Curtis boys live for aiding damsels in distress."

Oh my lord, I thought, he really does like her. I had never seen Darry so flirty. It was weird! In a good way, I thought, but… just weird!

"Well, I want to make it up to you. What do you say some day next week, instead of just dropping off Anna, you guys all come in for dinner? All four of you. On the house."

"That's really not necessary. It's no big deal. You don't have to make anything up to us." Darry hated taking free stuff.

"I want to. And my Dad will insist on it when he hears how you all helped us out. What day is best for you?"

Darry looked around at us, looking for an answer.

"It's up to you, Dar," I said. "You're the driver."

"Thursday?" He suggested.

"Thursday it is then," Ali smiled. "We'll see you then," she said, and climbed into the car. "Come on, Anna, Dad's probably about to call the cops to look for us."

"OK. Bye, Scout, bye guys. Thanks." Anna ran over to the passenger side and jumped in." Alison pulled away and waved. I saw Anna reach over to honk the horn.

Darry just watched them drive away. I totally expected Soda and Pony to jump all over him, teasing him about his new crush, but nobody said anything about how he had acted. Pony threw down his cigarette and stomped it out.

"Man, I'm starving," Soda said. "Who's cooking?"

I couldn't believe it! Nobody was going to say anything? The three of them turned and headed for home.

"Coming, Scout?" Soda turned to me. I guess either nobody but me noticed, or nobody else cared. I ran to catch up with Soda.

"I'll cook," I said, "I'm the reason we're so late to eat. What do you guys want?"

"Something fast." That was Soda.

I ended up just making hot dogs and beans with cornbread and butter. My brothers ate like they hadn't seen a meal in weeks. I just stared.

"I guess changing a tire really works up an appetite, huh?"

Pony turned, "Sheesh, Scout, we're just hungry."


	12. The Dinner

Anna and I couldn't stop talking about Alison and Darry at practice the next day.

"I've never seen him flirt like that before," I told her. "It was so weird!"

"She was totally goofy in the car on the way home! I kept trying to get her to admit she likes him but she wouldn't… I know she does, though!"

"Well, she should," I said. "Darry's a great guy."

"Well if he's that great why doesn't he already have a girlfriend?"

That was a good question.

"Well, mostly because of us, I guess. I mean, he kind of has his hands full with looking out for the three of us. I don't know – lots of the college girls would love to date him but he never seems too interested."

"Well, what is it About Ali then, you think?"

"I guess maybe she's safe? Like, I mean, she isn't after him because he's a football star or feeling sorry for him about our parents… I think the best part is that she showed up when he was least expecting it. Plus, she's pretty!"

"Well, lets keep our fingers crossed, maybe we'll be sisters in law!" Anna was maybe getting a little ahead of herself there, but I was excited too. It was so nice to see Darry thinking about something other than bills or us.

The next Thursday Anna and I were waiting outside when Darry pulled up in the truck. Pony and Soda were sitting in the bed so Anna and I hopped into the front. I noticed Darry was wearing new jeans and I think he might have even ironed his shirt. That right there said something about how he felt toward Alison… all of us hated ironing, so we just didn't do it. We were probably the most wrinkled family in Oklahoma.

"Hey girls," he said. "How was practice?"

"Ok," I said.

"Scout scored three baskets against the boys' varsity," Anna said. Sometimes our coach would ask some of the boys to stay and practice with us, to make us more confident, he said.

"That right, Scout?" Darry had played basketball too but football was really his sport.

"Not really. I think Coach Karis tells them to let us beat them. They hardly even defended me. I don't think they were trying"

"Don't listen to her, Darry," Anna said. "She was good."

Darry smiled and I wasn't sure who he believed. He had never seen me play; he probably couldn't really imagine it.

We pulled up half a block or so from Angelo's and hopped out of the car. I stood by the bed as first Pony then Soda put their hand on my shoulder as they hopped out of the back. Darry must have made them clean up too; they looked good. Darry took Anna's bag and carried it for her and for some reason I just had to smile. I just felt lucky to have them in my life. If I had to lose my parents, thank God for my brothers, I thought.

"My Dad's really excited to meet you guys," Anna said.

Apparently she was right about that. As we entered the pizzeria, Alison, who was standing at the register, noticed us, gave a quick smile and wave, and turned to say something through the window into the kitchen. Anna's Dad burst out the kitchen door, drying his hands on a dishtowel that he dropped on the counter as he walked by.

"Scout," he said, as he came over and hugged me. He was so nice. "You finally brought your brothers in to meet me!"

"Hi, Mr. Harvey," I said. "These are my brothers." I turned toward them and introduced them in the order they stood.

"Darry, Ponyboy, Soda."

Anna's dad took each brother's hand in turn and introduced himself. I liked how he treated Pony with just as much respect as he did Darry. I think Pony did, too.

"Well, come in!" he said. "We saved you the window seats!" He laughed at his own joke. There was hardly anyone in there. People came in and out to pick up take-out orders, but it was too early for the eat-in crowd to have arrived in earnest.

"Have a seat," he said, and motioned to the front booth. I sat in a smaller booth off to the side with Anna. "Can I get you all a drink?" he asked.

"Pepsi?" Pony suggested.

"Me too," Soda and Darry both said.

Mr. Harvey looked at me. "I guess that makes four of us," I said.

"I'll bring you a few pitchers," he said.

"Thanks, Mr. Harvey," Darry said to him as he walked back toward the kitchen. He stopped to talk to Alison at the register and I saw her take off her apron and talk to the other girl behind the counter. Anna had conspired with her dad to get him to keep the day waitress late so Alison could eat with us. Anna hadn't really let on that we were plotting to fix up her and Darry, she just played up the whole Ali wanting to thank us for changing the tire bit.

A moment later Ali came around the counter and over to the booth. Soda and Pony were on one side so the logical seat for her was next to Darry. Anna and I raised our eyebrows at each other.

"Hi," she said as she sat down.

"Hey, Alison," Darry said. "Thanks again for having us,"

"Are you kidding?" she said. "You guys really saved me the other night. Even if I did know how to change a tire, I wouldn't have ever unstuck that jack by myself." She looked at Darry.

"Well, that's why we keep him around," Soda said. "He's really good for loosening jar lids and stuff." Darry kicked him under the table and Pony and Ali laughed.

"Really," Ali said, "I appreciated it."

I was watching Darry, and it was almost like he was nervous around her. I had never seen him nervous about anything, but then again I usually hadn't seen him around girls. He had dated plenty of girls in high school, but I had certainly never accompanied him on any of those dates.

"So what's your specialty here?" Darry asked, looking at the menu.

"Well, all the pizza is pretty good, but the lasagna and spaghetti are good too… tell you what, you order whatever you want and I'll go into the kitchen and make sure it comes out good."

"Deal," Darry smiled at her. Now we were talking.

"So, Scout says you play football at Tulsa? You must be pretty good, playing as a freshman and all."

"Well, I play. The good part, the jury's still out on that." Darry said.

"Cut that out, Darry," Soda said. "He's real good, Alison. Made a killer catch to win the game Thanksgiving weekend."

Darry shot Soda a glance that said that was enough. Some guys pretend to be modest, but Darry really was uncomfortable when people talked about him.

Mr Harvey came back over with the soda and took our orders. We decided to split a few pizzas. Darry liked hamburg and bacon, Pony liked mushroom and onion, and Soda and I would eat whatever anyone offered us.

Darry and Ali started talking about football – she actually knew quite a lot. I guess she and Anna had both grown up watching it with their Dad – they seemed to know way more about it than I did. The pizzas were brought over and we all dug in. Darry and Ali seemed to be hitting it off great, and when Mr. Harvey came to the table and sat down with them next to Ali, he seemed really impressed with Darry. At one point he looked across Ali at Darry and said, quite bluntly,

"You know, Darry, I really admire you. There aren't many nineteen year olds who would be willing to take on what you have. I'm not sure that I would have been able to handle what you do at that age." I was so happy to finally hear somebody giving Darry credit for all that he does, rather than doubting his ability to handle it, as most people did.

"Thank you, sir" Darry said, "but honestly, there was no question about what to do. I could never live with myself if I let them split us up."

"Well, from what I can tell, you're a fine young man." Anna's dad said. "I wish there were more out there like you. It gets discouraging, seeing the trouble so many of the young men are getting themselves into around here."

I was glad Ali hadn't met Dallas yet, or Two-Bit or Steve. I wondered what Mr. Harvey would have to say about them.

"I appreciate your saying that," was all Darry said.

The pizzeria had started to fill up and we really had no more reason to take up a table anymore when there were people waiting, so Darry asked for the check.

"It's on the house," Mr. Harvey said, and, as Darry started to protest, he cut him off. "I insist," he interrupted. "My thanks for taking care of my girls last week."

I could tell it was killing Darry to give in but he did.

"It wasn't necessary," he said, "but I can see that I probably won't get anywhere arguing with you."

"And you're a good judge of character, to boot," Mr. Harvey said, shaking Darry's hand goodbye. "I hope to see you all in here again soon. I hope you know you're welcome anytime."

"Next time we get to pay though, OK?"

"OK," Mr. Harvey smiled.

Darry looked at me. "Put your coat on," he said. "It's cold out."

"Bye Anna," I said, as we walked out. We were going to have plenty to talk about the next day.

"Darry tossed Soda the keys. "You can drive," he said. "Warm up the car for Scout. I'll be right there." He hung back, and I saw Ali walk out with him and the two of them go into the alley between the pizzeria and the post office.

Pony climbed in the bed of the truck as I hopped into the cab with Soda. I realized that without a car now one of us was always gonna have to freeze in the back whenever we went anywhere together.

"Good going, Scout," Soda said.

"What?" I thought he was mad about something.

"You succeeded in doing what all the rest of us failed at."

"What's that?"

"You found Darry a perfect match," he admitted.

Soda turned the key and the truck roared to life. When Darry came down the street and hopped into the cab next to me, I could see in the light from the streetlight that he was smiling.


	13. The Conspiracy

The money from Uncle Pat had come a few days after I had talked to him and had been sitting in my drawer since. Not only did I have the dilemma of how to get to a store to buy the gifts, I was stumped as to what to buy them. I had been shocked to open the envelope and find, neatly folded inside a piece of white paper, a one-hundred dollar bill. I had never held that much money in my hands before, and I thought Uncle Pat must have been out of mind to send it through the mail, though I knew it would have only made things more complicated if he had sent a check.

Included also was a note.

_Dear Scout,_

_Thanks for helping me out on this. Make sure to get something for yourself, too. I'll be thinking of you and your brothers this Christmas season, and wishing I could have gotten Darry to agree to come down. Take good care of yourself and the boys, and remember, you'll always be my girl!_

_Love, Patrick_

One hundred dollars. I am sure he was thinking $25 for each of us, but I had no intention of spending any of it on myself. There was really nothing I needed or wanted that badly – nothing I could ever actually get, anyway. So that left a little over thirty dollars for each brother.

I thought and thought about what I could get them. Ponyboy was easy- anything having to do with books or art and he would be thrilled. Soda and Darry, however, were tough. Usually our parents gave us each a couple of bucks to buy each other small gifts – I think last year I had given Pony a pocket-sized sketchbook and some colored pencils, Soda got a baseball hat, and Darry got a new pair of gloves for hunting with dad. I knew the ante had been upped this year, and I was assuming none of us were planning to get each other anything, so I wanted what I picked to be good. To be honest, I was also a little wary of how Darry would react to the gifts. I didn't want to lie to him about where I got the money – I couldn't really, I mean, where else could I even say I got it? - but I knew how he hated accepting help. On the other hand, Patrick was family… it didn't seem like charity to me. He really did care about us.

After agonizing for a week, I finally decided to ask for some help. I'm not usually the kind of person to not be where I am supposed to be, especially at school, but that morning, instead of reporting for a study hall, I headed across campus to the high school looking for Two-Bit. As it turned out, I didn't even have to go into the building, I found him outside smoking against the side of his car with some other guys from our side of town. He looked concerned to see me coming; it was definitely odd for me to be wandering around during school hours, especially on the high school campus. He threw down his cigarette and started toward me.

"What are you doing over here, Scooter? Everything OK?"

"Yeah, I'm just skipping a study hall. I was looking for you. Don't you ever go to class?"

"Not usually on Tuesdays," he said. I'm sure there was a reason for that which made sense to him but I did not pursue it. "Whad'ya need me for?" he asked.

"I need a favor, Two-Bit. But you can't say anything to my brothers about it."

He looked skeptical. I knew he was under strict orders from Darry – and maybe even Soda, too – to report on my every move. And not even Two-Bit would lie to Darry.

"What exactly are we talking about here?" At least he was willing to hear me out, which I appreciated.

"Well, you remember my Uncle Patrick?"

"Yeah, I met him at the funeral. He was tuff. A lot like Soda,"

I thought it was interesting that Two-Bit had made the connection between the two in such a short time.

"Well, he wants us to go down to Texas to be with his family for Christmas, but Darry wouldn't agree."

"Well, that's Darry for you. Stubborn as an ox." Two-Bit knew Darry as well as anyone.

"Yeah. Well instead he sent me some money to get everyone gifts, behind Darry's back. And I don't know what to get them and I have no way to get anywhere to buy it anyway, so I was wondering if you could give me a ride downtown sometime and help me out so I can buy them Christmas presents."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"Well, shoot, kid, that's easy! I thought you were going to ask me to do something illegal, buy you beer or something!" Two-Bit laughed.

I just looked at him like he was nuts, which he clearly was, if he thought I would be asking him to do something like that, knowing full well that he would march straight over to Darry and squeal on me and I would not be allowed to leave the house again until I was about thirty.

"So you will take me? I asked.

"Course I will, Scooter. Nobody deserves a good Christmas more than you and your brothers. You know you don't really need any money to get some pretty good gifts, though… pocket-sized ones, if you know what I mean…"

Two-Bit was referring to his infamous shoplifting expertise. He was quite a legend in the petty larceny department.

"Not while you're with me, though, OK Two-Bit? You get caught and they'll either haul me in with you or I'll get stuck downtown with no ride. Plus Darry would kill you for it."

"I guess I can control myself for a few hours," he said. "When you wanna go?"

I knew Darry wouldn't let me out on a school night, and I had basketball after school, so I had to think.

"Maybe Saturday? After lunch?" Two-Bit looked at me strangely.

"Darry gonna be home then?" He was right, it would look pretty strange for me and Two-Bit to be taking off alone together in the middle of the day. And with Darry's roofing job, the hours were unpredictable. Depending on the job and the weather, he could come home anytime. There was no set schedule.

"I'll ask Ben to come too," I said. "We can say you're driving us to the movies. Darry won't mind if you are with us and we're not walking. Then we'll just go shopping instead."

"You know, Miss Curtis, if I didn't know you better I'd think you've done a lot of making up stories to sneak around on your brothers. You're a pretty quick thinker."

"Yeah, well, you know as well as I do, _Mr. Mathews_, that I don't get any opportunities to sneak around anywhere. And the only reason I'm able to do it this time is because you are willing to take my side and not go reporting back to Darry like the FBI on what I'm doing."

Two-Bit laughed. "I think I'm more like the CIA," he said. "You know, an _international_ man of mystery."

"Right, Two-Bit," I said. I don't know about the international part, but he certainly was a mystery to the rest of us sometimes.

"Speakin' of reporting in, you better get your butt back over to the junior high 'fore I rat you out for cutting class." He smacked me good-naturedly on the butt and I turned to leave.

"Bye, Two-Bit," I said, walking away.

"See you Saturday," he said.

Now I just had to figure out what to get them.

_________________

**A/N Any ideas? Seriously, what does Scout get them? I have a million chapters waiting in the wings but they are waiting for me to finish the Christmas stuff!**


	14. The Shopping

It turned out that the weather was good and Darry was still at work when Two-Bit came to get me on Saturday. Soda had gone to work at the DX. Things between him and Steve had been strained for the past two weeks since the incident at the football game, but I guess Steve had fed Soda some sort of bull about how his dad had roughed him up earlier that night and he had gotten trashed and was lashing out at me and Pony because of that. I know that Soda felt real bad about how Steve's dad beat on him all the time, but I had some trouble understanding how that made it OK to pick on your best friend's siblings. But Soda couldn't really hold a grudge against anybody, so I guess he was back on track with Steve. As for me, I had never liked him to begin with and now I just continued to do everything in my power to avoid him. As for Pony, time would tell. Regardless of Steve's dislike for us, Pony was always trying to tag along with Soda when Steve was around. I thought he was crazy for putting himself through that, but I suppose that's nothing out of the ordinary; I thought Pony was crazy a whole lot of the time. Not that I didn't care about him – I just didn't _get_ him a lot of the time. He and Darry had the same problem.

"You ready?" Two-Bit demanded as he barged through the door. I was glad that Pony was in a mood and had holed up in his bedroom – if he heard that Two-Bit was driving Ben and I to the movies he would have insisted that we bring him too. Pony lived for the movies. But he had argued with me earlier about whether or not having dishes duty also required you to put the dishes away and had stormed off, without putting them away, might I add. He didn't come out when he heard Two-Bit.

I had already asked Darry if Ben and I could go and he had agreed. I know he was really wary of letting me go anywhere, but I think the combination of having Two-Bit there and us being in a public place calmed him down. I pointed out that I had hardly left the house to go anywhere fun since our parents died and I guess that guilt trip worked a little bit, too. Darry trusted Two-Bit; he came across as very flighty and scattered but was deceptively dangerous in a fight. He was way stronger and more agile than he appeared, and he almost always concealed a weapon, somewhere. People who made the mistake of really upsetting him usually lived to regret it later.

"I just have to get Ben," I said. Ben was an integral part of the plan. As well as Two-Bit and I got along, for us to be taking off alone together to see a movie on a Saturday afternoon definitely would have been weird. Darry would have known for sure that I was up to something. But Ben and I seeing a movie was not at all out of the ordinary, and we would obviously need a driver, so our story was believable. My only worry was that somebody would see me downtown and word would get back to Darry that I had not been where I said I was. Two-Bit said I was being paranoid, but I was still a little wary of the whole situation, not knowing how Darry would react to me having taken the money from Uncle Pat in the first place.

It turned out I didn't have to get Ben, he was coming around the back corner of the house at the same time that I was and we nearly knocked each other over.

"Jesus Christ, Ben," I said. "Watch where you're going!"

"ME?" he said, "you ran into me."

"I did not."

Two-Bit interrupted. "Awright, you two, no time for a lover's quarrel, here. We've got some shopping to do. Let's get the hell out of here 'fore Darry gets back."

He was right; if Darry got back he would probably make us take Ponyboy along too. We piled into Two-Bit's car and headed downtown. His car was always an adventure. You just never knew what parts might just fall off, on the inside as well as the outside. Every time one part broke, Steve and Soda would go down to the junkyard, find a similar part from another car, and piece it back on. Things on the dashboard were taped together and the dials on the radio had long since disappeared. The tuner was now operated by turning a clothespin that was attached to the rod where the dial used to be. I don't even know what kind of car it really was, it had so many pieces of other cars attached. Two-Bit loved it though, and it certainly served its purpose of getting him (and me, in this case) where he wanted to go. His driving could get a little frightening at times as well- Two-Bit, like Soda, viewed most traffic signs and signals as suggestions rather than hard-and-fast rules, but he generally managed to make it from origin to destination with minimal damage to both car and passengers.

We pulled up a block or so from Froug's, a department store where I figured just by wandering around I would be able to find something suitable for each brother. I was relieved that Two-Bit had no plans to come in with us – he told us that he was heading down to the diner down the street to get a pepsi and check out the girls who worked there. I was sure if he came in with us he would find it necessary to steal something, and the last thing I needed was him getting caught with me along for the ride. Darry's head would explode, at him for being an idiot, and at me for lying about where I was going.

"Meet me back here in an hour," he said, and took off in the opposite direction. Ben and I headed into the store. I figured I'd save Pony for last, since he was the easiest. Soda was harder, and Darry… what could I possibly get Darry? Ben and I had been thinking about it all week.

"Let's just go to the sports section and look around," he suggested. I agreed and followed him but I wanted to get him something more than just a new football or something like that. I wanted to get him something that was meaningful, that showed him that I got who he really was, that he was not just a big old football star. Sure, he would have used a new football, but I wanted it to be more than that. After looking around the sports section I wandered into the men's department and looked around. I cracked up when I saw the case with cufflinks and gaudy men's jewelry. The next time I would probably see Darry in a suit would either be his wedding or somebody else's funeral. He needed cufflinks like he needed a hole in the head.

What did catch my eye in the case was the watches. I knew that Darry's old watch had gotten broken a year or so ago during a particularly rough game of football with the boys, and remembered Dad saying he would think about buying him another one when he felt Darry was acting responsibly enough to take care of it a little better. It had never been replaced. I felt like me getting the watch for him would carry a message. It would say that I recognized that Darry had become far more responsible than Dad could have ever imagined, and that he would have been proud. Darry obviously deserved far more than a watch for what he had taken on. I got the best one I could with the money I had, and it was obvious that this watch was for a man, not a boy. I hoped he would get the symbolism.

Next it was on to Soda. After some browsing Ben and I decided on a radio. The one at the DX had been broken for a while and Soda complained nonstop about how much slower the time went by at work with no music. This one was small enough that he could take it back and forth with him each day and not worry about it getting ruined by the other guys at the station, like the last one had. I almost didn't buy it, because it felt like I was buying something for Steve to enjoy too, and I had no interest in getting him a gift, but in the end I knew it would make Soda happy so I went ahead with it.

Pony was easy. I went to the book section and picked up a few by his favorite authors, ones that I didn't recognize the covers from seeing them laying around on the floor or piled up on his desk. I also found a really nice bound blank notebook that he could draw and write in instead of doodling on every paper in the house and then throwing them all over the floor. His room was a pretty serious fire hazard, what with all his papers all over the place, and it was a good thing he wasn't allowed to smoke in there or else he would surely burn the place down. Lastly I went over to the art supplies and got him a nice drawing pad and a box of pastels.

We were running late to meet Two-Bit by the time we got to the register but I knew he would be late anyway so I wasn't too worried. All together it came to eighty-seven dollars, and I figured I would just give what was left to Darry to use for bills and stuff. I didn't want to spend it just because I had it- and I didn't think Uncle Pat would mind if I gave the leftover to Darry.

I grabbed the bag and we headed out just in time to see Two-Bit coming toward us in the other direction.

"So what'd you get?" He asked, trying to peek in the bag.

"No way, Two-Bit. You can't keep a secret to save your life, and I already have you keeping one about where I am right now. You can find out on Christmas, same as them."

"Aw, come on Scooter, I won't tell."

"Forget it, Two-Bit. There's no way in hell I'm telling you."

He looked at me funny. I have to admit, with my parents gone I'd been a little freer with the swearing than I used to be. I still came nowhere near matching the language the guys all used, but it seemed to be a little bit shocking to all of them when I would let one slip out. I guess they just weren't used to hearing it from me. We had all usually watched our language around the house – it's not like we never swore, but we saved it for deserving occasions. Dad could be pretty loose with the language when he was trying to fix something and it wasn't going well… He'd be down in the basement and we'd hear a muffled curse through the floorboards and raise our eyebrows at each other.

"Darrel!" My Mom would call down.

"Sorry, Bethie," he'd call back up. "Sorry kids. Just this darned bolt is stuck. Darry, can you come down here and help me with this?" I smiled at the memory. I think it was the first time I had thought of them without tears coming to my eyes.

"Let's go," Two-Bit brought me back to reality. We hopped in and headed home.


	15. The Lesson

We realized that we had some time to kill before we could go home if we were sticking to the movie story. We hadn't been gone long enough. I didn't think it was a very good idea to go to Dingo for a soda, as Two-Bit suggested, because it was almost certain that someone would see us there, and word might get back to Darry.

Instead Two-Bit pulled into the parking lot of an old abandoned warehouse, turned off the ignition, and stared across the front seat at me.

"OK, I'll bite. What are we doing here?" I asked him

"Who wants to learn how to drive?" He asked.

Ben and I looked at each other. Sometimes Two-Bit surprises even us with his crazy ideas.

"Two-Bit, we're twelve." I was still deciding whether or not he was serious.

"So what?" It's never too early to start learning," he said, mischievously. "We might need you to drive a getaway car for us or something."

"You're serious?" Ben sounded like he might be interested.

"Ben, you can't drive!" I said. "You're not old enough!"

"You see," Two-Bit said, "That's a common misconception people have. Ben's plenty old enough to drive, he's just not old enough to _legally_ drive, on the actual street."

"That's right," Ben said.

"I don't think it's such a good idea," I warned them.

"That's because it's a great idea," Two-Bit said. "Come on Scooter, you're first. Slide over. Two-Bit got out the door and patted the seat, motioning for me to get into the driver's seat.

"No way, Two-Bit," I said. "Forget it."

"She's too scared," Ben teased me.

"I'm not scared, I'm just trying to stay out of trouble," I said.

"Scoot, you might as well learn to let trouble be your friend because it follows you around almost as much as Benjamin here does."

"I know it does," I said. "But trouble and me don't mix quite as well as Ben and me, as far as Darry is concerned. Go ahead, Ben, you drive. I'll just watch." I figured I probably couldn't get in any real trouble for just being there.

Ben got out of the backseat and slid into the drivers seat, and I hopped into the back. Two-Bit took the passenger seat, and handed the keys to Ben.

I put on my seat belt.

"OK, kid," Two-Bit said, "Now the important thing is to get the feel of the car. It's just like with a girl, you gotta be gentle enough to get her to work with you but rough enough that she knows who's boss."

"_Two-Bit!_" I said, "I sure hope that wasn't the advice you were planning to give me if I was sitting there," Ben actually was blushing a little.

"Nah, I just woulda told you to take it easy on the clutch."

"OK, so turn the key," Two-Bit said. "Remember, left foot's on the clutch, right for gas and brake. Brake's the big one."

Ben turned the ignition and begrudgingly the engine turned over.

"'Kay, kid, I'm releasing the parking brake, so gimme some brake." Ben looked like he was completely concentrating.

"Awright, now here's the tricky part. Two-Bit looked down and made sure Ben's feet were where they should be. Apparently satisfied, he continued.

"OK, now you're gonna let up on the clutch, real easy, at the same time you give her a little gas. Easy…"

For a second nothing happened and then suddenly the car shot forward, bucked a few times and stalled. I'm ashamed to admit, I screamed like a girl.

Two-Bit was consumed with laughter. "Kid," he said, "you treat a girl like that and you'll find yourself a very lonely man. Did you forget about the 'gentle' bit?"

I was glad we were not pointed toward any buildings or anything solid.

"OK, try it again." I figured after that first attempt Two-Bit would regain his senses, but he was game for round two.

"He's gonna wreck your car, you know," I said.

"Nothing Steve and Soda can't handle," Two-Bit said. "It's just the transmission. I'll send the bill over to Ben's mom."

"Let me try again," Ben said. "I'll get it."

What followed were four more failed attempts, with a little more bucking and dramatic car sounds each time. By the last try both Two-Bit and I were both hysterical with laughter, and Ben was getting mad at us.

"Shut up, Scout," he said, "You wouldn't even try it."

"It can't be that hard," I said, "I mean, I know complete morons that can drive a car." Two-Bit had the goofiest laugh ever and it was just making me giggle more, which Ben did not appreciate.

"Fine, then, you do it," he said.

Two-Bit looked at me. "C'mon Scooter. Put your money where your mouth is. Otherwise tough guy up here wins."

I unbuckled my seat belt and got out. Ben stepped out and handed me the keys. I got into the driver's seat and laughed because my feet were about a foot from the pedals. Two-Bit glanced over, and reached down and pulled the seat so far forward that his knees were pinned between the glove compartment and his chest. The steering wheel was practically right against my chest. Two-Bit took stock of the situation and commented:

"Maybe this is what that whole minimum age thing is about… Don't crash us, or my knees are gonna come out the back of my ribcage."

"How can I steer?" I asked.

"Don't worry, we ain't got to the steering part yet," he reassured me. "OK, so now, clutch," he started.

"I know, Two-Bit," I said. "I just heard you tell Ben how to do it five times."

"Well, don't let me stop you then," he said.

I followed his directions, feeling the accelerator catch as I let up gently on the clutch. The car began to roll slowly forward and as it sputtered a little, Two-Bit laughed, excited.

"Gas, girl. A little more gas!" To my amazement, the car was going forward, smooth as silk. I got going a little too fast for my liking, though, and I hit the brakes a little sharp, forgetting about the clutch, and the car sputtered to a stop. We were on a slight incline and as we started to roll backward, Two-Bit reached forward and pulled the parking brake, then looked at me.

"Now that, Benjamin, is how it's done," he said. "Good going, Scout."

"Beginner's luck," he said.

"You were just as much of a beginner as I was," I pointed out. I knew he was mad though, and I didn't feel like rubbing it in. After all, he had helped me out by agreeing to come in the first place.

"I think maybe I'd better drive us home," Two-Bit said. "No offense Scooter, but the steering part does become somewhat necessary in the advanced lessons."

"I understand," I said, as he slid the seat back to a reasonable distance from the dashboard and I climbed over him to the passenger seat.

"Let's get the hell outta here," Two-Bit said cheerfully as he peeled out of the parking lot into the street.

**A/N: Just a little bit of fun for Scout, since she has some tough stuff coming up. Plus Two-Bit is so fun to write. As always, thanks for the reviews! I totally appreciate them!**


	16. The Tree

The two weeks leading up to Christmas were pretty brutal. Darry had final exams and trying to study while dealing with the three of us was just about making him crazy. I think we were all feeling the strain of the holidays, torn between wanting to continue with tradition and knowing that the absence of our parents would only be that much more apparent during the holiday. Our Mom and Dad had gone all out for Christmas. Decorations, cookies, Christmas carol records, the whole nine yards. It actually snowed a little one night as the four of us were sitting around the living room and I was pretty sure that we were all thinking just about the same thing: Christmas was coming, in five days, whether we liked it or not, and we were gonna have to decide how we wanted to deal with it.

Darry had been half-studying/half-watching TV when suddenly he spoke up.

"I've been thinking," he said.

We all looked up.

"What?" Soda said. He was still looking at the TV, fascinated by some girl on the screen.

"I think we should get a tree."

I was kind of surprised. Darry and my Dad used to always make a big deal out of going to get the tree. It's not even like they went to cut one down – they usually went down to the church a few blocks away and bought one from their fundraiser, but it was something they had always done together. We all had our jobs: Darry and Dad got the tree, Mom and I made the cookies, and Soda and Pony decorated the tree and the house. Soda and Pony were the only team that remained intact, I realized.

"Are you sure?" Pony asked. I knew he was thinking what I was, that having a tree might just be a reminder of what was so notably absent.

"Unless you guys don't want to," Darry said. "I just think that it might be worse for us if we try to ignore it. They always made it so important for us, it just seems like a shame to forget about everything, you know, our traditions."

We all sat, deep in thought.

"What do you guys think?" Darry sounded almost like he regretted having brought it up.

"Can I come with you to get it?" I asked. I didn't want him to have to go alone, missing Dad.

"We can all go," he said. "A new tradition. They would have liked that."

They really would have. Our parents were always trying to get us to do things all together but we were so far apart in age it was hard. It was kind of ironic that they had to die in order to get us all to work as a cohesive team.

"I think we should," Soda agreed.

"Me too," Pony said.

"Lets go tomorrow," Soda said.

"OK," Darry said, and went back to his book, smiling.

______________

The next day I had late practice, and the three of them picked me up. I felt bad – I never got stuck in the back of the truck. This time I tried to get one of them to give up the back but Soda insisted on staying in the back and I climbed into the cab with Darry and Pony.

We pulled into the church parking lot and hopped out. I could see why it had always been just Dad and Darry that went. Four opinions added up to a very heated discussion about what constituted the perfect tree. Eventually I was so cold that I asked Darry for the keys and went to sit in the heat of the truck.

"Don't touch the gears or the pedals," he said. He didn't know that I was practically a licensed driver now, thanks to Two-Bit.

"I won't," I said. "Just the heat is all I care about."

About ten minutes after I left them they finally came back with a tree. Soda held it up for me.

"Whaddaya think?" he asked. He looked so pleased, it was obvious that it had been his choice.

"Perfect," I said. "Let's go home."

__________

The boys dragged the tree in while I worked in the kitchen on some hot chocolate. I was still freezing. I brought some for everyone into the living room and sat on the couch watching Pony and Soda put the decorations on the tree. Darry sat down next to me and jumped back up when he felt my cold feet against his thigh.

"Jesus, Scout! Are you even alive? How can your feet be that cold, through socks?"

"I told you, I'm freezing!" Darry grabbed a blanket from the coat closet and threw it on my feet. Then he reached under the blanket and tickled the crap out of them. After a few seconds I was screaming and breathless, which only motivated the other two to join in. After about five minutes of incessant tickling, they finally took mercy on me and laid off. I lay there holding my side, which hurt from laughing so hard.

"You still cold?" Darry asked.

"No. Thanks," I said. It actually had felt good, getting tormented by my brothers like I always had before Mom and Dad died. Everything with the four of us seemed right. It was just that we were two short of the dozen we had been.

Pony and Soda had finished the tree before pouncing on me and Pony went over and flipped out the lights. We all sat there, bathed in the warm lights from the tree.

It was beginning to feel… a little… like Christmas.

**A/N: OK, baby steps here. About 3 more chapters to get through the holidays, then I merge with the book again. Hope you enjoy!**


	17. The Gifts

Our parents had always given us a present on Christmas Eve, and it had always been pajamas. I think all of us were sitting around after dinner on Christmas Eve, watching TV and trying not to think about what we were missing, when Darry came in from the kitchen, where he had dishes duty. We were all completely molded to our seats, staring blankly at the TV, and not one of us even turned around when he came in.

"Hey," Darry said, standing in the doorway. We all turned, finally.

"Merry Christmas Eve," he said, and tossed a present at each of us.

"Darry?" Soda said… "I thought…?" We had all agreed that we would just do something nice for each other this year, like take each other's chores for a week or something, instead of getting gifts. Although he had assured me that our finances were OK for now, I could feel the strain as we all spent money but hardly earned any.

"Open them up," Darry said.

As we all opened our gifts we each found Tulsa University pajamas.

"They don't have them with my number on them… yet." Darry said.

"Well, as your fan club president, I'll have to look into that," I said, and hugged him. "Thanks for remembering," I whispered into his ear.

He pulled away and squeezed my shoulder.

"What are _you_ gonna wear to bed?" Soda asked.

"Oh, don't worry, kids, I have the real thing," he said. He slept in his Tulsa shirt a lot; I was always running into him in the morning looking like he was dressed for practice. He just said it was comfortable. I was glad when he clarified that it had been washed, he wasn't just going to sleep in his clothes from the day before.

As per tradition, we all changed into our pajamas and came back out into the living room to watch TV together. For the first time in so long, all four of us sat on the couch. I don't even remember falling asleep, just Soda whispering into my ear.

"Scout, it's bedtime. Can you sit up?" I guess I had fallen onto him.

"MMmm…" I didn't want to move.

"C'mon, time for bed," Darry said, as he lifted me off Soda and carried me to my bed. He laid me down on my cool sheets – Soda had been so warm to lean against. I shivered and he pulled the sheets up and tucked them around my neck. I felt him sit on the edge of my bed.

"Merry Christmas, baby," he said, kissing my forehead.

_____________

I woke up early the next day. I felt like a little kid again, having my secret. I had smuggled their gifts in my window, with Ben's help, after buying them, and wrapped them immediately, in the Sunday comics. That was another family tradition, Santa always wrapped his gifts in comics. I dragged them out from the back of the closet, put them out under the tree and went back to bed. I hadn't slept so well in a long time. Eventually I awoke to the last person I would have expected to be waking me up, Ponyboy. He was just shaking me gently.

"Scout, wake up."

"Pony? Is everything OK?" I couldn't imagine him being the one to wake me up unless something was wrong.

"Everything's fine. It's Christmas. Darry made breakfast." That made a little more sense. Darry and Soda were busy so Pony got sent in. He didn't cook, so much.

"OK," I said. "I'm up." I swung my legs over to the side of the bed. Pony sat on the bed with me, which was a little weird, I thought.

"Merry Christmas, Scout," he said, looking down at the floor. It was uncomfortable for us to look each other in the eye.

"You too, Pony," I said, hugging him, though it felt like he resisted me. I just wished we weren't so uneasy around each other. I felt kind of bad: I got along easily with everybody except Pony; he got along easily with nobody but Soda.

I stood up.

"So, let's eat," I said, grabbing Pony and dragging him into the kitchen.

"Merry Christmas, Sleepy" Soda said, as he latched onto me and spun me around, landing me in my seat at the table.

"Eat up," Darry said, filling our plates. He was getting really good at cooking breakfast, which was great since I couldn't seem to get up early enough to deal with it most of the time. He had always been an early riser.

As we sat there eating, I knew we were all trying to focus on what we had- each other, rather than what we had lost. But it was hard.

We finished up our breakfast and I took everyone's dishes to the sink. It wasn't my week for dishes, but since Darry had cooked, I offered to do them.

"I think that Santa came for you guys. You should go check that out," I said over my shoulder as I washed dishes. I guess nobody had been in there yet.

The three of them wandered into the living room. No less than a minute later Darry was calling me.

"Scout, come in here," he said.

I put the dishes down and came in. All three of them looked at me.

"What's this about?" Darry asked.

I shrugged.

"I mean it," Darry said, "How did you buy gifts?"

"Two-Bit drove me," I said. "So… open them!"

"Scout…" Darry was going to make it difficult, but I had expected that.

"Don't worry, Darry," I said. "Everything here is paid for. Two-Bit just drove me. He didn't even come in the store."

I had started to get used to the look Darry gave me then, he had been giving it to me a lot. I hadn't completely cracked it yet, but I think it read: I am not sure yet whether or not I should be upset with you, but I am considering it.

"Just open them," I said. Pony looked the most eager. "You go first, Pony," I said. "That one's yours." I motioned to the biggest one. The drawing pad was big.

He looked at Darry like he was asking permission.

"Go ahead," Darry said, giving in. Pony tore off the paper and I could tell he was excited. He's not the kind of kid to yell and scream with delight but his eyes lit up a little. He seemed really excited about the pastels – they were a little more expensive so he usually just stuck with colored pencils. He hadn't had pastels in a while.

"I hope you don't already have those books," I said. "I didn't recognize any of the covers from your bedroom floor."

Soda and Darry thought that was funny.

"Thanks, Scout. This stuff is great." He already had the pastels out of the box. He picked out a deep purple and made a mark on a fresh page.

"I told you," I said. "It's actually from Santa, not me. He just had me pick out the stuff. You know that's his special wrapping paper."

By now everyone was sitting down. "Ok, Soda, you next," I said. "That one's yours." He picked up the medium sized box and shook it. He was the only one of us who tried to guess before opening. "A toaster?" he suggested.

"I hope it's not breakable," Pony said, looking at me. I shrugged.

Soda opened it up and when he saw the picture of the radio on the box he stopped.

"Are you kidding me?" he said. "Seriously, Scout, how did you get this? Have you been robbing banks or something?"

"Yes." I said. "And selling drugs." Only Pony laughed.

"That's not funny," Darry said, which made _me_ laugh.

"Well do you like it?" I asked.

"It's great," he said. "I just hope it's not stolen," he joked, "because I'm not giving it back."

"I told you, Two-Bit didn't even come in with me. Plus, getting that out unnoticed would have been pretty impressive, even for him." The box was not exactly pocket-sized.

"I don't know how you did this, Scout…" Darry started.

"You don't need to know," I interrupted. "Your turn." I picked up the smallest box. I had put the watch in a shoebox to make it look more substantial, compared to the other two.

Darry stared at me as he unwrapped it. I had put a ton of paper in the box and he had to dig for it. Finally he found it and pulled it out.

"A watch," he said. I could see that he got it, that he remembered what Dad had said and got the message I had been trying to send by getting it for him.

"Scout, you shouldn't…"

"But I did, Darry. And you know as well as I do that you should have it. So put it on," I said. "And I don't want to hear any lip about it," I added, just to be a wiseass. Darry looked at me and actually smiled.

"You're going to tell me how you got this stuff, you know," he said.

"You already know, Darry," I said. He thought for a minute.

"Patrick. Uncle Pat. That's what he wanted to talk to you about on the phone. Right."

"Good job, Sherlock," I said. "And don't get mad at me about it, either, because he wasn't taking no for an answer."

"I'm not mad at you Scout. But I feel bad, I'm sure he meant you to get something for yourself too.

"I got myself the gift of watching you guys open gifts," I said. Soda had opened up the radio and plugged it in and suddenly the room exploded in noise. Apparently the volume had been turned all the way up inside the box. He scrambled to turn it down.

"Looks like it works just fine," he said, grinning his crazy Soda grin. Pony was already lost in a drawing on the couch.

Darry was putting on the watch.

"Scout, can you come with me for a sec?" He asked, walking back into the kitchen.

"I'll be right there," I said. I went into my bedroom and took the envelope with the leftover money from Uncle Pat out of my drawer, then headed into the kitchen. Soda and Pony were both still intently playing with their new toys in the living room.

Darry was actually in his bedroom, and called me in. I sat on the bed next to him and handed him the envelope.

"What's this?" He asked.

"It's the leftover money from Pat," I said. "You can use it for bills or something, I guess," I said.

"I wish you would have bought yourself something," he said.

"I really didn't want anything," I said. All I want is to get them back, and I can't. I didn't want to spend the money just because it was there," I said. "I know we need it."

He didn't deny it.

"I want to give you something," he said. "I can't pretend I bought it, because I didn't, but I want you to have it today, since we all got something and you didn't."

"OK…" I said. He reached into his top dresser drawer and pulled something out in his hand.

"Close your eyes," he said. I did. He took my hand and extended my fingers, slipping something onto my thumb.

"Open," he said.

I opened my eyes to see my mom's Irish Claddagh ring. It was too big for any of my fingers but fit perfectly on my thumb.

"Mom's?" I asked, disbelieving. Darry nodded.

"But I thought…?" We had decided to have them buried with their wedding rings.

"It wasn't her wedding ring, Scout." He was right. She had worn it on her opposite hand from her wedding ring.

I covered my thumb with my other hand and pulled it to my heart.

"I can't bring them back for you, baby," he said. "But Mom would have wanted you to have that."

I could hardly speak. "Thank you Darry," I said, as I pulled him into a hug. Somehow, I didn't cry.

"Merry Christmas, Scout," he said.

**A/N: OK, one more chapter to work out a few issues and then it's back to the events in the book. I appreciate you sticking with me here. It gets better soon!**


	18. The Announcement

Christmas vacation was getting old. For the better part of a week, all four of us had been hanging around the house, getting in each other's way, and being bored out of our minds because it was too cold to go outside. Pony mostly read and drew in his bedroom, so he was the least in the way, and Soda picked up hours at the DX during the day, so he was gone for at least part of the day, but Darry and I were going nuts being housebound. He wanted to work but with the cold, the roofing jobs were slim, and the senior guys at the company got the jobs, not the part-timers.

Thankfully, I still had basketball practice every day, and a few games, so I had a bit of an escape. That Thursday Darry dropped me off for my game. We had made it a habit of eating at Angelo's every Thursday since that first one, and I knew that Darry looked forward to seeing Alison a lot. They had gone out on one or two dates, but were both so busy that finding time for each other had been tough. Anna and I held on to the fact that neither of them had been out with anyone else since they met, though.

"Bye, Scout. Good luck," Darry said, as I jumped out of the truck.

"Thanks. Seeya," I said, as I ran into the school. I was already in my uniform and it was freezing out, so I sprinted for the warmth of the building.

We went through our warm-ups, and I talked to Ben for a few minutes, who was there with Kevin and Kate, who had come to watch Kate's sister Sarah. Ben had seen me play a few times. Our team was improving a lot; we had come out on top of quite a few close contests and had gained a respectable amount of fans, as the boys' teams were faring much worse. The stands were about half full as our game started, probably in part due to the fact that, it being Christmas vacation, all our relatives were on vacation and able to come watch us, but quite a few high school kids with no obvious affiliation had come just to watch the game, as well. Girl's basketball was still kind of a novelty- some people came just to see what it was all about.

I was so much smaller than the other players that I was actually used to the opposing teams laughing and pointing when I came out. Generally in the first quarter they made the flawed assumption that I was harmless and left me open enough to do a fair bit of damage. After I had sunk a few baskets from long range they would double-team me, which, of course, left at least one other team member completely open. The funny thing is, even with two girls guarding me, I still felt like I had the upper hand most of the time. I was used to going up against three boys!

About five minutes into the first quarter, I managed to hit a basket from the baseline and draw a foul as well. I heard Ben yell in agreement with the referee and turned to look. I was shocked to see Ben, Kate, Kevin, and, to my amazement, Darry, watching the game. He was sitting there, coffee in his hand, staring at the court. He must have gone to get the coffee and come back for the game. I wondered if that had been his plan all along, or if boredom had just gotten the best of him. I actually froze for a moment, feeling nervous. Darry had never come to see me play before. I felt like I had when Dad would come watch; I didn't want to let him down.

I stood at the foul line and the ref tossed me the ball. I tried to focus, drown everything out. I followed my routine. I took it, bounced it three times, turned it around in my hands, and shot it. All net. The crowd cheered. I felt the nervousness fade. The rest of the game I felt no pressure, even as I saw Darry intensely focused on the game, I wasn't afraid he would judge me. I was just so glad he was there to support me. I had forgotten what having family watching felt like.

In the end it was close. With ten seconds left and us ahead only by one, they had the ball on our baseline. Their guard tried to inbound the ball to the center but our own center deflected the pass. The ball bounced over toward the sideline, where forwards from both teams pounced on it. Ours eventually came up with it and, seeing me unguarded, she tossed it to me. Five seconds remained on the clock. I just caught the ball, surrounded it with my body, and let the other team take me down, which they did, pretty hard. Their only choice had been to foul me. I didn't hold it against them. As I hit the floor I heard Darry yell out in protest, and I felt like I might know how he was feeling, remembering seeing him get hit so hard just before Thanksgiving. I made a special effort to look right at Darry when I got up, to let him know I was OK.

I stood at the free throw line and made both shots. Ahead by three, we just let them run out the clock, not bothering to foul them. The applause as the buzzer sounded was probably the loudest we had heard all year. We headed into the locker room.

____________

About twenty minutes later, as I emerged from the locker room, I found Darry and Kevin talking in the gym lobby. Kate was with Kevin, obviously they were waiting for Sarah to drive her home. I stopped to talk to Ben. I knew we were driving Anna home so I made plans to shoot some basketball with him in our yard the next day, if it wasn't too cold. Otherwise we would just sit around and play cards, or watch TV.

"Darry was really impressed with you," Ben said.

"He was?" I was surprised. Darry had played basketball and was OK at it, but I figured only football players were tough enough to earn his real respect.

Ben didn't get a chance to answer, because just then Kevin and Darry parted ways. Kevin motioned to Ben to come over and Darry came toward me. He picked me up and swung me around.

"Great job!" he said, taking my bag.

"I can't believe you came!" I never expected Darry to come to one of my games. I wasn't used to having any fans since my parents had died, except Ben, when Kevin let him tag along.

"After all my games you had to watch, I figure I owe you one," he said. "Plus, Kevin told me what I was missing." Kevin usually took Kate to most games, to watch Sarah.

Anna came out from the locker room just then and Darry took her bag and added it to his shoulder that already held mine.

"Nice job, Anna," he said. She had only played about ten minutes, and she pointed that out.

"Every little bit helps," Darry said. "That's what teamwork's all about."

"Since I am not very good," Anna said, "I'll take that. At least you didn't try to convince me I'm good!"

Darry knew better than to say anything that would get him in trouble.

"You ladies ready?" he asked.

"Let's go," I said.

When we got to Angelo's Mr. Harvey had saved us the usual seat. This was the first time it was just Darry and me; Soda was working and Pony was too caught up in a book to come. Anna went to change and Ali was caught up waiting some other tables; for a while it was just the two of us.

"Scout, that was a great choice, just holding the ball and letting them foul you. Most guys, in that situation, being open, would have gone for the glory and tried a shot." Darry was talking strategy with me. This was how he used to talk to Dad. It was a little strange.

"I get the game, Darry" I said. "There was no need to shoot."

"I know that" Darry said. "I wish I'd come to see you play more. I think I have underestimated you. You can play, for real. I thought girl's basketball would be all gentle and stuff, put you girls play hard. And you hold your own out there, for being so little."

I smiled at that. "You're busy, Darry. I get that."

"Yeah, well…" he hesitated.

"I'm glad you came," I said.

"Me too," he said. "I wish I had supported you better this year. I mean, you came to _all_ of my games." I couldn't really argue with that.

Just then Alison came over and sat with Darry, taking our order as well as loving every minute of talking with him, so I pretty much fascinated myself with the menu. I eventually excused myself to visit the restroom… I just wished those two could get some time alone. It was so obvious they liked each other. They were both just so busy.

When I got back to the table Darry had already ordered and I sat down with him. Ali had a few more tables to take care of.

"Scout, I have to tell you something," he said. He sounded serious.

"What?" I asked. He usually didn't tell me anything serious.

"I'm taking the semester off from school. I'm gonna work, full time. Just to make sure we've got enough money."

I was shocked. Darry loved college.

"Do you have to?" I asked. "Is it that bad?" I regretted buying everyone Christmas presents; if I knew things were really that bad, I would have just given Darry the money.

"Not yet, but I just want us to stay ahead. If I take this semester off I won't miss football… It's just what I have to do. I already told the boys."

"And they didn't care?" I asked.

"They understood," he said.

"I wish you didn't have to," I said.

"Wishing is a waste," Darry said. That was him, all reality. "It's just what has to happen."

"Just promise me you'll go back, in the fall," I said. Darry without football was a Darry I didn't even know. He had to play.

"I can't promise anything," he said, "but that's the plan."

Ali brought our pizza and sat with us and I tried as best I could to act normal, knowing full well that my brother was about to give up on his dream of college in order to take care of me and my other brothers. Eventually Darry asked for the check and I excused myself to go talk to Anna, leaving the two of them alone.

I told Anna what Darry had told me, about taking a break from school. She pointed out that he never had said he was quitting, just taking a semester off. After about twenty minutes I figured I'd better get back. Pony and Soda expected us back with take-out for them.

Darry wasn't at the table when I came back. I knew exactly where to find him, though. I grabbed our order and went outside where I found Darry and Ali in the alley beside the shop. She was leaning with her back against the wall, and he had his hands on either side of her, leaning in. At the moment they were just talking, but it was clear to me there had been some kissing. I almost ran back in to tell Anna but I knew we had to go.

"I'll be in the truck," I said, walking by. It was never locked. I just walked past them and hopped in.

A few minutes later Darry came up to the truck and climbed in.

"It's just a break, right?" I asked.

"I hope so," he said.

"OK," I said, and he headed off toward home.


	19. The Park

The winter had seemed endless, and it had taken all of us some time to adjust to our new routine. Not long after Darry told me about taking the semester off, Soda informed us that he was also taking time off from school, permanently. He was dropping out. This did not go over particularly well with Darry – or Pony, either, for some reason. I, on the other hand, saw Soda's point. He hated school, he wasn't doing well enough to pass the eleventh grade, and he could work full-time at the DX, doing what he liked to do and helping us out with money at the same time. Darry resisted but eventually gave in, and I think he warmed up to the idea when he saw how much happier Soda was at work instead of school. At first he was worried that Social Services would take issue with it, but they didn't seem to care. Soda was sixteen, he could do what he wanted. I guess they had bigger problems to worry about. Plus I know Darry didn't mind the extra income.

Finally, spring had come and we were all itching to get out of the house as much as possible. It was a Friday night in April and I had spent the evening outside shooting baskets with Ben, who had been improving quite a bit since I made him play with me all the time. It was a little chilly out but spring was clearly in the air, and the biting chill of winter had long since passed. The Drive-In had just opened for the season and Pony had gone with Dallas and Johnny to check out whatever was playing. I was sort of surprised Darry let Pony go with Dallas; he doesn't usually like us hanging around with him too much, but I guess he knew that Pony needed to get out of the house, and Dally probably wouldn't do anything too dangerous with Johnny around, so he allowed it. Pony had still been really touchy whenever Darry got on his case about anything he wasn't doing right; I didn't think he was picking on Pony any more than me or Soda, but that's not how Ponyboy saw it.

I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. I had been lying there for a while. I was tired but couldn't fall asleep. I could hear Darry and Soda in the living room, having a discussion, sensing more and more anger in Darry's tone as time went on. It was really late and Ponyboy still was not home.

"He's probably fine, Darry," Soda was saying. "You know Pony, he's always losing track of time. It's just how he is."

"Well then he needs to change how he is, Soda. He has a curfew, just like you and I always did when we were fourteen. There was hell to pay when we broke it and there'll be hell to pay for him, too. We still have rules around here."

"I'm just sayin', Darry, he ain't like us. He ain't breakin' the rules on purpose."

"It doesn't matter, Soda, can't you see that? If Mom and Dad let me break the rules, you would have thought it was OK. We got Scout to think about too. What kind of example are we setting for her if Pony gets to stay out at all hours of the night?" Darry argued. "He's fourteen, Soda. You and I both were in bed by eleven on weekends at that age."

"Well, things are different now, Darry." I could feel Soda getting angry now too. I didn't want to listen anymore. I didn't want Ponyboy getting in trouble because they thought he was a bad example for me. Didn't they think I could make my own choices? Hell, Pony smoked like a chimney and I had no desire whatsoever to light up. I don't know why they both thought we were so much alike. I covered my head with my pillow and tried to sleep.

I must have finally fallen asleep at some point. I felt like I had been awake all along but I was clearly tuning into the middle of a heated conversation of which I had missed the beginning. Pony was home now; I heard him and Darry screaming at each other. I slid out of bed and tiptoed to the door, which was already slightly open. Pony was going into the bathroom, Darry still barking at him from behind. Soda, looking like he too had just woken up, stepped in to defend Pony, and Darry snapped at him.

"You shut up! I'm sick and tired of you stickin' up for him!" I was shocked. Darry never yelled at Soda. And, besides, Soda always stuck up for everyone. I, for one, expected that out of him.

Pony must have been as shocked as I was. "Don't you yell at him!" As the words left his mouth, I saw Darry spin around and hit Pony hard, a right hook against the jaw. He was propelled backward by the force and came to rest on the floor against the wall. I couldn't see Darry's face but all I could read in Pony's was pure disbelief and terror. In a single movement, Pony had pulled himself up off the floor and run out the door. Neither Darry nor Soda moved.

"Go get him!" I was thinking. "Someone go get him!" I didn't talk out loud because I had no idea how Darry might react to me having seen him hit Pony.

"Pony, I… I didn't mean to…" Darry called as Pony fled.

Suddenly I remembered what I had heard between Soda and Darry earlier. Darry was mad at Pony for being a bad example for me. Now he had hit him because of it. If they weren't going to go after him, I would. Pony must be thinking Darry hated him when in fact all he was doing was trying to get him to set a good example to protect me.

Without a thought I ran to my window, threw it open, and leaped out onto the ground. I took off like a shot toward the shadowy form of Pony, heading toward the lot.

He had a good lead on me, however, and while our paces might be similar, the length of his stride gave him a huge advantage. I was just barely reaching the corner of the lot when this time I saw not one but two shadowy figures emerge from the other side. Johnny, I thought. I had to rest for a second. I watched them head down the street and turn at the next corner and figured they must be headed for the park. Suddenly, leaning over to catch my breath, I realized that I wasn't wearing any shoes. I had been sleeping in my socks. As soon as I could I took off again after Pony and Johnny.

Running out of steam, and feeling even the tiniest pebble through my stocking feet, I limped up to the side of the park and saw Pony and Johnny sitting on the jungle gym. I crouched in the bushes to rest for a moment, trying to decide what to say before I let Pony know that I had followed him. Suddenly it occurred to me that maybe me having followed him would get him into even more trouble with Darry. I hoped Darry would never have to know I had left. I would talk to Pony, go back home and sneak back into my room, and Darry would never be the wiser. It felt like a pretty solid plan. I saw Johnny toss Pony a cigarette and had just about gathered my breath and thoughts enough to go out and convince Pony to come home when I saw a strange car drive up. It was blue, one of those fancy cars the Socs drove, that Soda and Steve always knew the exact make and model of, but just seemed loud and impractical to me…. I preferred Darry's truck any day.

The car slowly circled around and stopped, and a bunch of guys got out and headed toward Pony and Johnny. I could tell from how they were walking that they were drunk. All experience I had with drunks was acquired from observing my brothers' friends, usually Two-Bit or Steve but sometimes Dally or Tim as well. Two-Bit was a silly drunk, while Steve and Dally were obnoxious, but they had never looked like these guys did. They looked dangerous. I was scared for Pony and Johnny, and I crouched lower and didn't move.

I was too far away to hear what was said, but there was some sort of exchange between the Socs and Pony, and suddenly the Socs were chasing him and Johnny. There was some sort of fight on the far side of the fountain, and I was tempted to go see what was going on but I could hear both Pony and Johnny so I knew they were OK. It sounded like there was some splashing in the fountain too. I hoped Pony wasn't the one getting wet, because that would only make Darry more upset with him. It was now well past just chilly. For a moment I considered going home to get Darry and Soda but part of me already expected them to show up, out looking for Pony, and the other half of me worried that I would only be getting Pony in trouble for getting in a fight. I decided to stick around and see how things panned out.

It didn't take long. I had no concept of time but it felt like less than a minute before I saw the Socs running back to their car and driving away.

I stood up from my spot behind the bush once I believed they were gone. I walked over toward the fountain and saw what looked like Johnny fumbling in the grass and Pony getting sick. I figured he'd gotten punched in the gut.

"Pony?" I called. "You OK?"

Without shoes, he obviously hadn't heard me coming.

He and Johnny both shot around.

"Scout," Pony yelled. "Get the hell out of here!"

"Pony, Darry's sorry. He didn't mean it. Come home. He's really sorry." I was pretty sure he really was. "We'll tell him how you and Johnny just drove out the Socs! He'll be so proud he'll forget he's even mad!"

"Scout, I mean it, get the hell out of here. Right now!" Pony didn't usually swear at me. And he didn't look at all happy about driving away the Socs.

"Scout, Go! Go home!" This was strange, Johnny was almost talking to me loud enough to be yelling. "Go home. Pony's fine with me."

I was a little hurt. And surprised. What was Pony mad at me about? And Johnny, yelling at me? That was just weird.

"GO! Go, Scout! Get out of here!" Pony was crazed. "GO HOME!"

"Alright, Pony. Just come home, OK?" I turned and started toward home.

**A/N: I know this was supposed to happen the same week Pony got jumped but due to upcoming things I needed it to happen later. Stay tuned! Lots of chapters on deck. Thanks for reading (and reviewing! Please!)**


	20. The Train

I was barely even to the next block when I heard sirens screeching around the corner and coming to a halt in the front of the fountain, where Johnny and Pony had stood while I called to them. I was on the near side of the street, out of range of the streetlight, and I stopped to turn and watch. Were Pony and Johnny gonna get arrested? Asshole Socs, I thought, they attack my brother and his friend and then call the cops on them? But there was something about the scene that was wrong. The officers approached the fountain hollering, guns at the ready. They came to the other side of the fountain from where I had been standing, reached down and what they pulled up could only have been a Soc. My breath left me, realizing my brother and his best friend had quite possibly just killed somebody.

I had no idea where to go. I wanted to go home and get Darry, yet on the other hand I was so worried about Pony… Darry had hit him, and now here he was, probably needing Darry more than anything but likely too afraid to go home. Normally, when anything bad happened, Darry was the one everyone in the gang – including us - turned to. After all, he was the oldest and smartest and had the best advice - but Pony was estranged from him at the moment, I knew that for sure. I knew he would not head toward home, but he might be heading toward Johnny's house to hide out, so I ignored the pain in my feet and again sprinted with everything I had toward Johnny's. As I headed down the street toward his house, I heard dogs barking to my left and something told me to look in that direction.

I caught a brief glimpse of two shadows turning the corner a block away. I turned toward them and picked up my pace. It seemed like I followed them forever, until finally we came up to a shoddy looking house with beer lights in the windows and loud music and yelling emanating from within. I had no idea where I was, and wondered how in the world Pony or Johnny would have ever known about this place. I hid between parked cars as Pony and Johnny knocked on the door. A stranger's face appeared and they spoke. The man who had answered the door left and suddenly Dally appeared in the doorway.

Of course, I thought. Dallas. Dally would know what to do. He had said he was staying at his friend Buck's. I had been warned by Darry ever since I could remember to never be caught within a mile of his place. If he ever found out I had been here he would ground me from now 'til eternity, I was sure. Somehow I was still convincing myself that everything was going to work out fine, Pony and Johnny would come home, I would sneak back into bed and, now that I knew why Darry was on Pony's case all the time we could work things out. I waited and waited, expecting Dally to come out any minute with the two of them, borrowing someone's car to take them back to home. I would just hop in with them, though Dally would be pretty steamed to find me here, too. But they were gone longer than I expected. I actually started to nod off against a car when finally I heard Pony's voice… "OK, Dall, we will. Thanks."

Pony and Johnny both shot off in the other direction. What the…? I thought. That isn't the way home! But still I followed them, determined to catch up with Pony and bring him home. After all, it was my own fault Darry had hit him. I owed it to him to find him and tell him that. I limped along behind the pair, hiding in the shadows but staying close enough to keep them in sight. To my surprise, they led me to the train yard. Row after row of freight trains lay out before me. I assumed this was where they planned to hide.

My assumption was immediately proved wrong, however, as one by one I saw Johnny and Pony hoist themselves up into a boxcar.

All of a sudden the truth became clear: Pony and Johnny were running away. Darry had hit him, he had no idea why, really, and something terrible had happened at the park (had that Soc really been dead?) and he was running away. I knew that if I let him go my other brothers and I might never know where Pony had gone. He and Johnny might just disappear and never come back. Lord knows, these trains must go all over the country, maybe even to Mexico and Canada. I wouldn't even know where to look for them once this train left. I couldn't stand the thought.

Gathering all my strength, I ran as fast as I could to the car (which wasn't very fast, as you will discover if you ever try to run on train-track rocks with nothing but socks on…) and tried to vault myself up into the open door. I didn't even come close. In fact I could hardly manage any upward motion at all and ended up nearly entirely under the car, hanging by my hands. I gathered myself up and stood at the boxcar opening. It was level with my forehead. I realized there was no way I was going to able to jump in by myself, and wondered how Pony and Johnny had even managed it. They aren't_ that_ much taller than I am. I could see the engineers in the distance coming my way, looking for troublemakers such as myself, I imagined.

"PONYBOY!" I yell-whispered into the car. Silence.

"PONY!" This time, an answer.

"Scout? What the hell are you doing here? Jesus Christ, Scout."

"Just pull me in. The train guys are coming."

Pony and Johnny each took a hand and dragged me up into the car. Seeing the engineers themselves, they hustled me to the far end, against the near wall. We dared not even breathe as the engineers passed by and shone the light into the car but didn't expend the effort to crane their necks around the corner of the door to find us. We crouched motionless for what seemed like hours, until suddenly the train lurched forth with a creak and a whistle rang out, low and long. It took us a moment to regain the ability to move, we had been frozen in our position for so long.

Pony started in on me right away.

"Jesus, Scout, it's bad enough I'm here, Goddamn it, Darry is going to skin me alive for getting you involved. He already hates me and thinks I'm nothing but a pain in the ass. Now he's just got another reason to yell at me."

"That's why I came after you Pony. He wasn't really mad at you. He is worried that you are being a bad example for me. He thinks everything you do, I'm gonna do. Like if you break curfew, I'm gonna think it's OK. God knows, Pony, Darry missed curfew enough when Mom and Dad were alive. You know he isn't really mad at you about that. All we have to do is convince him I have a mind of my own. Really, Pony, I know you think he hates you but I heard him and Soda talking about it. They love you. They are just scared for me. They want you home on time because they think if you break curfew, I'll get a bad message. It's not even about you, it's about me!"

It didn't seem like Pony was really listening.

"Scout, I can't go home. You were in the park. Didn't you see what happened?" The train was moving for real now.

"You and Johnny got in a fight. You beat those Socs, totally outnumbered."

"Scout," Pony looked me in the eye, "We killed somebody. We killed a Soc in that fight."

I had no response. I remembered seeing the cops pull that kid up from the other side of the fountain. Even though I knew, deep down I had been hoping maybe he was just knocked out.

"We can't go back. And now you're involved, so you're stuck here with us, too. Jesus. Darry's never gonna forgive this."

I supposed he might be right, not so much about Darry forgiving but me being stuck. The landscape was now flying by the boxcar door. "Where are we going?" I asked.

"Somewhere Dally said we'll be safe. You'll be safe there too."

I realized that I, too, had run away from home, albeit unintentionally. But I also trusted Pony to look out for me. He may have been just a kid himself, and we certainly had our differences, but I knew he would do anything he could to keep me safe.

OK, " I said, and leaned against him. I wished we got along better. The train rumbled along and I just stared at the countryside out the open door.

I was hardly awake when Pony pulled at me, stood me up, and yelled at me to jump. He held my left hand in his, and as he jumped, he dragged me alongside. I didn't completely clear the boxcar door and as I was pulled out I felt one of the door latches dig into my upper right calf. I hit the ground on my feet, but my momentum carried me forward and I rolled several feet, head over heels. I came to rest on my back, feeling the vibration of the ground as the rest of the train rumbled past.

Pony was at my head immediately. "You OK, Scout?"

I was breathless but seemingly unhurt. I reached up for Pony and pulled him toward me. I felt like it had been forever since I had hugged him, and I circled my arms around his neck. I loved him so much but I just didn't know how to tell him. We just didn't connect. He indulged me for a second then stood up, dusting himself off.

"I'm OK," I said. I felt OK, really. Nothing hurt that much, for having just jumped from a speeding train.

Pony looked at Johnny. "You OK, Johnnycake?"

"I'm good."

Pony pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one, tossing the pack at Johnny. He took a long drag and looked back at me.

"Jesus Christ, Scout, no shoes?" I remembered how I had left so suddenly the night before.

"I didn't have time." I said, and gave him a look that said: Seriously, we're going to fight about this? Here he just told me that he killed someone and he was gonna give me a hard time about not wearing shoes?

"I was in a hurry," is what I did say, and dared him with my eyes to challenge me on it.

He didn't. He just looked at me like I was a complete nutjob. As it were, I was lucky that I hadn't been stuck wearing pajamas as well. It had been chilly the night before so I had hopped into bed in a t-shirt, sweatpants and a sweatshirt. The sweatshirt was was too big, it was probably Soda's or Darry's… it was never quite clear after our mom died which clothes belonged to which family member. Laundry was a pretty constant challenge for us; everyone's least favorite chore, and while things usually managed to get washed and dried, the process usually broke down far before anything got sorted or put away. We lived out of laundry baskets most of the time. I looked around at us and noticed that none of us were particularly well dressed for heading out into the countryside. I didn't even recognize the shirt Pony was wearing. It was way too big on him, it must have been Darry's.

Pony pulled me to my feet and we started walking. He pointed to a steeple in the distance and told me that was where we were headed. Where Dally said we would be safe. I followed along with them, lost in my own thoughts.

My most troubling thought was about Darry. I knew he must be sick with worry about Pony and me, but on the other hand he had hit Pony, and had crossed a line that I never dreamed he would cross. Our parents had never hit us. I loved Darry with all my heart but now a part of me feared him, too. What if I disappointed him? I probably already had. Would he hit me, too? I missed him to death already, after one night, and I felt bad for leaving, but a part of me was angry with him, as well.

After a while I realized I was falling behind. The ground was pretty tough on stocking feet, and I was starting to feel the achy remains of a night of running on stones and pavement. Pony came back to get me and piggybacked me the rest of the way. He got short of breath and I gave him a hard time about smoking. He told me to shut up, it was just that I was getting so fat. It almost felt like a typical Scout/Ponyboy interaction.

We finally arrived at the church. Pony pulled up short and slid me down to the ground, while we all took stock of what stood before us. For an abandoned old building, it was actually sort of neat, and for some reason the fact that it was a church made me feel kinda safe. My family had never been churchgoers, but I had been to weddings and funerals, and a few times with Ben and his family to their church, and there was something about being in a church that always made me feel a little protected.

"So, home sweet home," Pony said.

I looked around. I guessed I could deal with it. I looked at Johnny and we shrugged simultaneously. Home sweet home.

**A/N: OK, I am getting more hits than ever but I am so curious about who is reading this and what you think! If you are sticking with it and not just reading one chapter and hating it, please let me know! Thanks so much for my super-reviewers who give me feedback on each chapter! Maybe I'll post another one tonight!**


	21. The Exploration

We walked up onto the porch, pulled off some boards and crawled inside to see what awaited us. I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. I was expecting nothing but a dirt floor and tons of spiders, which scare the crap out of me. Upon first inspection I did notice some webs but not the hordes of hairy, fanged bloodsuckers I had been imagining. Most of the church furniture was still there – the pews, the altar, even a tiny wood stove. That was a welcome sight, as it seemed much cooler there than it had been at home. Probably because we were higher up, I guessed.

Johnny went to work pulling some boards off the windows and walls, breaking them up, and feeding them into the stove, coaxing them along with Ponyboy's lighter. Before long, he had a pretty respectable fire going. Pony and I had set off on our own to explore the space. It seemed so strange to me that people would just abandon a place, furniture and all. I imagined our house abandoned, strangers wandering through and trying to read into the people who had once lived there, based only on what they had left behind. I pretty quickly realized that I didn't want to think about home just then and instead I focused on my exploration.

All over the place there were traces of a variety of critters that had taken up residence since the human owners had moved on, and I crept quietly around, hoping to catch sight of a few of them. Excepting my fear of spiders, I am pretty fascinated with just about any kind of animal. Our Mom was allergic, so we were never allowed to get a pet, despite our shameless begging for a puppy, even up until just before they died. In the back room, I did manage to startle a pair of mice, who scurried away, cussing me out loudly in mouse language, but everything else seemed to be either asleep or otherwise occupied.

Pony and I met back up in the room with the pews, and I saw that Johnny had lay down beside the stove and was asleep. I realized we had been awake all night, and suddenly sleep was looking pretty good. I looked at Pony and we both just walked over and crashed on the floor beside him. I never thought I would sleep so soundly on a dirt floor.

**A/N: I'm not that mean, my reviewer friends, to only post such a short one, after promising another chapter. Another one to follow. Hey, who knows, if a ton of people reveiew this one maybe another will follow! Reviews motivate me ******


	22. The Stars

It was past dusk when I woke up. It was pretty cold inside and I figured I should probably go outside and look for some wood for the stove. I was guessing we could only pull off so much of the actual church to burn up before it started to collapse on us. I didn't mind going out in the dark, in fact I had always kind of liked being outside at night except in bad neighborhoods.

I saw Pony and Johnny huddled up against each other and I pulled myself up off the floor and walked over to the window through which we had entered. I was surprised at how bright it was. I stood in the window and the moonlight streaming in brought back a memory of the night my parents had died, how it had been dark inside but the officers had been bathed in light on the porch. I shivered and willed away the memory. I climbed out the window and looked up at the moon, a brighter moon than I had ever seen. A tad short of full, it hung low in the sky, just rising. I walked towards it into the grassy field in front of the church. Hearing a noise behind me I turned to face the church. A sliver of daylight remained on the horizon behind it. I saw Pony crawling out of the window. He walked over to me.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked.

"I thought I should get some wood for the stove. We can't just keep ripping pieces off the church."

"Good point," he said.

Both of us were staring at the moon, the sky. It just didn't look like this at night on the south side of Tulsa. "I never saw so many stars," I said.

Pony had lit a cigarette. For the only time ever I almost wished I were a smoker. There just seemed like something so cool and relaxing about it, having a smoke and looking up at the stars. We just stood there and looked up. Finally Pony spoke.

"Come here Scout," he said.

"What? Why?"

"Just come here," he said. I walked over to him. "Sit," he said, and sat himself. I followed. He reached out for my hand. "Close your eyes… Lay back," he said, and gently pulled me backward with him onto the grass.

"Now open your eyes," he said.

I did. Suddenly I felt I was alone in the universe with my brother, looking up at a sky full of stars like I had never imagined could exist anywhere near Tulsa, Oklahoma.

"Oh my God," I said.

"I know," Pony said. "Isn't it amazing? Dad showed us, when he used to take us hunting. We would always lay out and look up at the stars. I just realized you probably have never done that, since only us boys went."

I had always been a little jealous of the boys' trips with Dad. I could feel in Pony's voice how it was hard to have that memory, to think about Dad, but still he wanted to share it with me. Suddenly I felt like for a second I understood him just a little. Each one of us was experiencing the shared loss of our parents in such a personal way. We were bound together by the loss and yet we only allowed each other small glimpses into our individual pain. For the first time since we lost them I felt like Pony had opened the door to his inner thoughts just a crack.

"I really miss them, Pony, don't you?" He was still holding my hand.

"Yeah," he said.

"I always wanted to come on your trips with Dad," I admitted.

"Aw, Scout, it was just a guy thing. You wouldn't have liked it. Plus, we were shooting stuff, and you would have hated that."

He was right about that. That is, unless they were shooting at giant spiders. I was momentarily amused by the thought. I happened to know that Pony was not so keen on shooting things either; live things, anyway. Soda had told me once that he thought Pony missed on purpose.

"I bet you got to do cool stuff with Mom the whole time we were gone," he added. "We always figured the two of you just sat around and talked about how much you missed us the whole time we were gone." He was kidding.

I had to smile. "Hardly," I said. As much of a tomboy as I was, my times alone with Mom had been pretty girly. We went to the movies, went shopping, went out to eat together, and we did talk about the boys, but it wasn't about how much we missed them. More like who we should fix them up with. I hadn't really thought about it since she died.

"We had fun," I said.

Pony hesitated. "They were pretty great," he said.

"They were the best," I said. "Pony?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think things will ever feel anything close to normal again?"

"I don't know, Scout. Everything just seems so mixed up. This current mess isn't really going to help matters, either."

I considered that. He was probably right. Despite myself, I started to cry softly. I tried as hard as I could to stop it, to not let Pony know, because I just wanted to keep having this time with just us, and the stars, but he heard me.

"Oh, Scout," he said, squeezing my hand. "I'm sorry. The last thing you needed right now was to get caught up in all this."

"No, Pony," I said, "It's not that. It's… just the stars, they're so beautiful." I wasn't entirely lying. It was, and it wasn't.

"Scout… what were you doing following me, anyway?"

He deserved an answer. I realized that maybe he really didn't know, that despite the fact that he and I never got along that well, that I cared about him, and I just wanted everything to be right again with our family.

"I was afraid." Plain and simple, lacking a few details for sure, but that was the bottom line.

"Scared? Of what?"

That was more complicated. I took a breath and tried to explain.

"Well, when I saw Darry hit you I was scared you would never know that really it wasn't because he was mad at you but because he was worried about you boys being a good example for me. At the park I was scared because I thought you were hurt when I saw you getting sick. At Buck's I was scared for you because Darry always is telling us only bad things happen to people who go there."

"You were at Buck's?" He was horrified.

"I was outside, waiting for you."

Pony looked at me and shook his head.

"Pony, just let it go," I said. "You weren't supposed to be there, either. Most of all, I was scared when I saw you and Johnny get on the train."

"Why, Scout? Why on earth would you get on that train? Why didn't you just go rat us out to Darry or something?"

The silence lasted long enough that Pony looked at me and I looked back.

"I was afraid I would never see you again." I admitted.

"What?"

"Pony, you were running away! If I didn't follow you, I would never know where you were."

He looked confused, silhouetted in moonlight.

I took a breath. "I can't lose you, Pony. I know we fight all the time. I know you think I'm a pain. But I can't lose anybody else. You're my brother and I love you. If I went home to Darry and Soda I would have been scared all the time for you. I'd rather be here with you, because I know where Darry and Soda are and that they are OK. Probably mad as hell at us, but OK. Safe."

"Scout, if you think I could take off forever and leave you and Darry and Soda behind, you're crazy. You're my family too. It would never happen. We're just here to see what happens at home. Dally will come get us when things cool down."

"Oh." I was glad to hear that. I was already missing Darry and Soda.

"But we're stuck here for a while," he said, "Ok?"

"Ok, " I said. "At least it's beautiful," I said. I really couldn't believe all the stars. I thought skies like that only existed in the movies.

Pony scooted over toward me and I rested my head against his arm. We lay there for a while, just looking at the stars. Eventually the cold set in and I shivered.

"We should get the wood," Pony said, standing up.

"Yeah," I agreed, handing him my arm to pull me up.

We gathered all the brush we could find in the moonlight and stacked it in a pile by the window. We each took in a handful and Pony opened the stove with his foot while we shoved everything in. Johnny still slept soundly where we had left him. As rustic as the accommodations might have been, at least he didn't have to worry about anyone hurting him, and this was probably the most peaceful sleep that he had enjoyed in a long time. How ironic, I thought, that a peaceful sleep for Johnny comes the night after his involvement in a murder… Pony and I both were sleepy again, and Pony lay down, pushing the rocks out of the dirt surrounding him.

"Scout, come sleep." He said. I came over and lay down on the ground next to him. He threw his arm over my shoulder and held my hand in his. "You warm enough?" he asked.

I was chilly, but I wanted to stay where I was. "I'm OK," I said.

"Wake me up if you get too cold," Pony whispered. "I'll get more wood."

I was so proud of him at that moment. He was clearly scared, he must have been worried about a million things, but he was doing exactly what Dad, Darry, and Soda had each learned in turn – to be a good man. To look out for others before yourself. I hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"What was that for?"

"Because you are a great guy, Pony." I whispered. "And I appreciate you looking out for me. But I am your sister, and my brothers taught me how to be tough. You sleep, and if I get cold, I'll get my own wood."

He laughed softly. "Deal," he said, and squeezed me against him.

"Night Pony," I said.

"Night, Scout."

I could feel his heart beating as I fell asleep.


	23. The Fight

The next morning I awoke completely disoriented. I looked up and saw an unfamiliar wall. I turned over and saw Pony beside me on the dirt floor. I sat up suddenly, remembering where I was. Where was Johnny?

"Johnny?" I yelled.

This awakened Pony, who duplicated my confused awakening and eventually focused on me. "Where is he?" I shrugged.

We both stood up and immediately noticed the writing in the dirt. Johnny had gone to get supplies, his note said.

"How does he know where to go?" I asked.

"Dallas," Pony said.

"Oh." I hoped he would come back soon. I was pretty hungry.

Seeing the church after a good night's sleep made it look like a completely new place. I wanted to explore again.

"Dally said there's a well outside," Pony said.

"Well, let's find it," I said. and we stumbled out the window.

"Dally said not to go out in the daytime," Pony warned. "Don't get seen."

"By who?" Seriously, there was no sign of civilization anywhere.

"I don't know, it's just what Dall said."

We found the well and took turns washing up and drinking out of it. I hoped Johnny would think of getting toothpaste, but as a boy figured he probably wouldn't. I felt disgusting.

Just as Pony and I were finishing up, we heard Johnny return. He used our gang whistle to let us know he was coming. Pony and I nipped at his heels like little puppies trying to see what he had brought back. Slowly he unpacked the crate.

Bread, peanut butter, baloney, deck of cards, some book that Pony was all excited about, Pepsi, cheese, peanuts, peroxide (he and Pony had a fight about this, I guess Johnny thought Pony should dye his hair), butter, a notebook and pen (again, Pony was excited about that – a week away from writing and drawing and the kid would probably die) and beef jerky. No toothpaste.

I grabbed a piece of cheese. I was starving.

"So you're gonna be blond?" I harassed Pony. He was livid.

"So should you be, you're hiding out too!" he yelled.

"Pony, she ain't done nothing." Johnny defended me. I just laughed.

I followed them outside and watched them cut each other's hair. Johnny didn't mind. Pony was worse than miserable. You'd have thought Johnny was amputating a limb, instead of just cutting and dyeing his hair. I could think of nothing to do to make him happy 'til I decided…

"Cut my hair too," I said to Johnny.

"What?" Pony spun around.

"Well, you're being such a crybaby about it, I'll just show you it's no big deal," I said. I meant it. It was just hair, I didn't care. The only reason I kept it long was because it was cheaper. I never got haircuts. But here was Johnnycake, cutting my hair for free.

"No Scout," Pony looked horrified.

"It's just hair, Pony," I said. "Do it, Johnny."

He did nothing. I grabbed the knife from his hand, pulled my hair into a ponytail behind my head, and sawed a large portion of it off. Pony and Johnny both gasped.

"Oh, please," I said. "It's just hair. It'll grow back." I threw it to the ground.

Pony was really crying now. "Pony," I said, "It's hair. It's just hair. We are still exactly who we were before now. Who we are has nothing to do with our hair."

There was no consoling him; he was a mess. He was sobbing and yelling and I could barely understand a word he was saying. I realized that this breakdown probably had nothing to do with cutting his hair, but I had no idea how to calm him down, so I let Johnny go at it. Johnny followed him into the church, and I stayed outside for a while, kind of enjoying the lightness of my hair, or lack thereof, on my head. I looked at the pile of my hair on the ground, thinking how birds and mice would appreciate it for building nests.

When I went back in, Pony was still losing it. He was yelling at Johnny about how he was fourteen, how he was fine, how he would stop crying any minute. I stood in the doorframe watching Johnny hold him. Poor Pony, I thought.

"Pony, It's OK," I said. "Everything will work out."

He turned on me. "Shut up, Scout! You shut up!"

I was stunned. What the hell was he so mad at me for?

"Ponyboy…" Johnny started.

"Shut it, Johnny. I mean it. She has no idea!"

"No idea about what?" I yelled. I had just cut my hair off to try to make him feel better, for chrissakes!

"How much this sucks!" He said. "Everybody babys you, everybody takes care of you, you have nothing to worry about. You have it made, being the youngest! You have no idea what it feels like to be in my shoes! Everything is easy for you!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Pony, come on now…" Johnny said, trying valiantly to stop this fight from continuing.

"Shut up, Johnny," I said. "I can handle this." Johnny looked like he wanted to cry now, too. I felt bad for yelling at him but I was really getting mad now.

"How dare you," I yelled at Pony. "How _dare_ you accuse me of having it easy!"

He stared back at me. He clearly had not expected me to challenge him.

"You do," he said. "You're the baby."

"I am twelve years old and I have no parents!" I yelled. "Instead I got three older brothers who have no idea what it feels like to be me. All they want is to hide me away from the whole world because that is the only way they know to keep me safe. None of you knows what to do with a little sister! I never get to do anything without everybody needing to know where I'm going, who I'm with, when I'll be home! I can hardly even go to the bathroom without the three of you knocking at the door asking if I'm OK! God, you all treat me like I'm five, like I'm a kindergartener or something!"

He listened but I wasn't done.

"You know what, Pony? My life is this: get up, go to school, go to practice, cook dinner, do dishes, do laundry, do everything else I think of that I can do to try to convince you all that you should keep me, do my homework so everyone can't get on my ass about that, go to bed and repeat the next day. Is that what your life was like when you were twelve? Is it? How many nights a week did you cook dinner when you were twelve? How much laundry and cleaning did you do?"

Pony quieted down. "You think we aren't going to keep you?" he asked.

"Why should you?" I yelled. "I am useless. I am nothing but a strain on the rest of you. I couldn't even work if I wanted to, to help out. I'm too young. I can't make any money! I just use it up. I'm dead weight in this family! I'm nothing but another mouth to feed, and more clothes to wash!"

"No…" Pony started, "No, Scout."

I was on a roll now. Months of frustration erupted.

"And then there's the fact that I have nobody who has any clue what I am going through. You have Soda and Darry to talk to about being a boy, becoming a man, growing up. Well, I have nobody, Pony. You think that's having it easy? Who am I supposed to talk to about what is happening to me? You? You want to sit down and talk to me about growing up? I know you don't, and nobody else does either. Nobody can take Mom's place for me. I have nobody. I am growing up all alone. You think I have it easy? Well think again, Pony. Think again!" I was crying now.

"I got the least amount of time with Mom and Dad of all of us! I need them more than anyone else! You have no idea what I would give for one more day with them! You think I have no idea?" I was enraged, and at the same time terribly afraid and upset with myself at the fact that I had just revealed all of my vulnerabilities to the brother who I felt was least likely to empathize.

Yet he surprised me.

Pony looked shocked. "I never knew. I never thought…" I could see in his face that he was truly surprised at my reaction and sorry for what he'd said. He tried to hug me, even as I struggled against him and tried to push him away. "I'm sorry Scout. I never thought about your situation."

I ceased my struggling and faced him.

"It's hard for all of us, Pony. How could you ever think this was easy for me? Every single day is so hard."

"You're right." He said. "I never realized how alone you must feel. You're totally right, I have Darry and Soda but for you, there's nobody who really understands."

"I'm getting used to it," I said. I backed off a little, trying to rebuild the front of strength I had worked so hard to build, which I had just completely dismantled in a single moment of frustration. "I guess you just got me mad. I don't have it easy, Pony. I work really hard around the house. When was the last time any of you guys cleaned up, or vacuumed? Nobody else hardly does laundry, or cleans the bathroom. I feel like I have to be Mom, now that she's gone. But I still have to do well in school, be good at sports, and everything else a kid is supposed to do, too. I feel like if I let one thing slip I just end up with Darry or you and Soda mad at me, like I'm not pulling my weight."

"You shouldn't have to," he said. "I guess we all have to sit down and talk about who's doing what at home, to make sure it's fair. You're right. We expect a lot of you. Too much."

"That might be good," I admitted. Pony wrapped his arms around me. This time I hugged him back. I remembered back after Mom and Dad died and I had spent time alone with Darry, and had wished for the same with Pony. I was glad I was here with him, despite the circumstances. I just felt like we understood each other better, having revealed our weaknesses.

"Scout," he said, "I know I'm not a girl, but if you ever feel all alone about anything, even girl stuff, and you feel like you have nobody to talk to, I'm here. I know I'm not Mom, but I promise you I'll listen and try to help."

I had to smile. I didn't imagine myself talking about girl stuff with Pony anytime soon. I would probably even go to Ben before I would him. But the thought was there.

"Thanks Pony."

"I didn't mean to pick a fight with you tonight. I'm a mess."

"I know you didn't," I said, and laid my head on his leg. "I'm sorry I am a pain."

"I love you Scout," he said, and he leaned over and kissed me on my forehead. "And for the record, you're only a pain sometimes. But we're going to keep you, anyways."

I looked up at him. "Nice hair," I said. He messed up my short hair.

"Yours could use a little neatening up," he said.

"You'll fix it for me?" I knew he would.

**A/N: Please review! I hope wasn't too sappy!**


	24. The Decision

Things calmed down after our fight ended. We both laughed at Johnny because he seemed afraid to come anywhere near us, for fear we'd start at it again.

"Don't worry, Johnnycakes, we kissed and made up," Pony teased. He had taken the knife and was trying to even out my hair.

"I can't believe you did this," he said.

"I can't believe you care," I responded. Perhaps as much as everyone said we were alike, that was the fundamental difference: Pony cared about his hair, and I didn't. I suggested that, and he laughed. After our fight, I was feeling closer to Pony than I had since we were little. I felt like things were more right with us than they had been for a long time.

While he cut, I had taken some burlap bags from the groceries Johnny had come back with and was trying to create some makeshift shoes out of them. Even with them tied around my feet, I still needed more padding, so I stole some of the stuffing that the mice had left from the abandoned pew cushions and shoved it inside the burlap. As I went to slide it in, my arm scraped against my calf and I felt an uncomfortable sensation. I pulled up my pant leg and saw a large jagged scratch, crusted with dried blood. It took a moment but I remembered jumping out the train door, scratching my leg on the bolt as Pony pulled me out. I touched it and felt a sting. I wet my fingers and tried to wipe off some of the dried blood. It didn't look great. Pony was oblivious to what I was doing, and I asked "Johnny, did you use all the peroxide on Pony's hair?"

"Yeah, why, you wanna go blonde too?"

"Well, I was hoping…" I dropped the pant leg. There was nothing I could do about it anyway. I'd wash it off at the well later.

____________

Days went by slowly and we filled them as best we could with poker, reading, and sleeping. After a couple days I couldn't even remember what day it was, or how long we had been at the church.

One afternoon, Pony and I sat against the church and watched the hawks circling, hunting for mice. Every now and then one of them would dive down toward the field and pop back up with a mouth full of rodent. I felt slightly bad for the mice but couldn't really take issue with the food chain, in general. I certainly wouldn't have passed up a nice big cheeseburger at that moment.

"Scout, I've been thinking about what you said when we were fighting before, about being a strain on us, the family…

"I am." I was just being honest.

"You know that Darry gets money from the state to take care of us, right?"

"He does?" I hadn't known. "What, like a babysitting fee?"

"No, like an allowance. For each of us. Every month."

"Why? Parents don't get money from the state for raising their kids."

"He's not our parent, Scout. He's just our guardian. Technically we're orphans. We're wards of the state until we're sixteen."

"What does that mean?"

"It means the state looks out for us and supports us. That's why they send people to check up on us, to make sure Darry is taking care of us and not out spending the state's money on beer or girls or something."

I laughed. Darry had very little time for beer or girls lately. In fact I wished he and Ali had more time for each other.

"I _didn't_ know that, Pony. I've been worried since they died that I was too expensive to keep around. Why doesn't anybody tell me this stuff?"

"I don't know, I guess Darry just doesn't want you worrying about it."

"I'm not a baby, Pony. Like I keep having to remind everybody, I'm twelve, not five. And I _was_ worrying about it. I would've worried _less_ if I knew."

"I guess you're right about that. I don't know, I guess you should talk to Darry about it when you get back. Tell him you want to know more about what's going on."

I thought about it. Maybe I would.

Johnny came out not long after and we set up some traps to try and catch a rabbit. They were all over the place. The boys had some crazy idea that they were going to catch one and eat it but they had another thing coming if they thought I was going to let them slaughter a rabbit in my presence. It turned out that there was no need to worry. The rabbits were deceptively fast, and the few times we did manage to catch one, it would escape before we even got a chance to get a good look at it.

Pony and Johnny ran around like banshees after those rabbits, while mostly I laughed and watched them, secretly rooting for the rabbits. My thoughts wandered to home, to Darry and Soda and Ben and Anna, and to how they didn't even know that I was with Pony and Johnny. Any anger I had felt towards Darry had long since faded, and my newfound closeness with Pony only made me miss Soda and Darry even more. At some point, while I sat there, I reached a decision. I was going home. I knew Pony and Johnny wouldn't ever agree to go until Dallas told them it was safe, but I had to. At least then Soda and Darry wouldn't have to be worrying about me too.

We had fun that night, sitting around the woodstove playing poker and reading Gone With the Wind, the book Johnny had picked up at the store. Pony and I took turns reading the chapters out loud. Johnny didn't want to read; he just listened. It's not that he couldn't read well enough, I knew he could; he just felt self-conscious doing it out loud, even just in front of me and Pony. I didn't know much about the Civil War, so Pony had to explain a lot of stuff to me. He knows a lot about history, because he reads everything he can get his hands on. Johnny seemed to really like the book and he asked a lot of questions, too.

After the sun set, we stood outside: Johnny and Pony smoking and me just looking up at the stars. I knew I was leaving- that the next night I would be home in Tulsa, listening to trains whistle and wondering if they were the same ones that would pass by the church where Pony and Johnny slept.

"Hey Pony, you ever show Johnny that thing about the stars?"

"No," he said. I wondered for a second if he would be mad that I brought it up, if it was just a family thing. Then I remembered that Johnny pretty much was family, to Pony anyway.

"What's that?" Johnny asked.

"Come here," I called. He came over. "Now sit," I said.

I did just what Pony had done with me, had him close his eyes, lay down, and then open them

"Glory!" Johnny's reaction was just as my own had been. "The stars sure don't look like that in Tulsa!" I was thinking, maybe it was the perspective. I would have to try lying down in Tulsa and looking up and see if that was what made the difference. I doubted it. Pony came and lay on the other side of me and we all just lay there and looked up. If Darry or Soda had been there they would have gone stir-crazy. Neither of them would have been able to lay still that long, unless they were asleep.

Pony spoke up, finally. "You know, Scout, as mad as I was at you for following us, I'm kind of glad you're here."

I felt a little bad about my plans to leave but I knew how he felt. I was glad I had this time with him.

"I'm glad to be here too. Sorry you had to listen to our big fight, Johnny."

"That's alright. That was nothing like my folks fightin'. 'Sides if you weren't here me and Pony woulda got pretty sick of each other by now."

He had a point. Pony and I hadn't actually come to blows.

"Actually, Pone, I think we needed that. Neither of us knew what was going on with each other. I guess it took us getting angry to make us be honest. I wouldn't have ever told you all that stuff if you hadn't set me off."

"Well I'm glad you did tell me," he said. He was lost in the stars. I reached over and hugged him, and within seconds I was fighting him off from tickling me.

Eventually we were all too tired from laughing to do anything but go to bed. We lay down on the floor by the woodstove and retreated back into our own thoughts. I hoped everything would work out for them soon, but I knew I had to go home.

"Good night guys," I said.

"'Night Scout."

**A/N: Let me know what you think!**


	25. The Letter

It took forever, it seemed, for Pony and Johnny to both be asleep. I took painstaking efforts to not awaken them as I searched for paper to write a note. Pony must have hidden the notebook somewhere. Probably keeping a journal, or something… that was just Pony. At least I knew where the pen was – we had been using it to keep track of our poker winnings.

I ripped the last page out of Gone with the Wind. What was it doing in there, anyway? It was blank. I took the pen off the crate we were using as a table and started to write.

_Dear Pony,_

_I have to go home. I know Darry and Soda must be sick with worry and while Dally might have told them that he knows where you and Johnny are, nobody back home really knows where I am, or that I'm with you, even. I think things between you and me are good now, but without meaning to I probably made things with Darry and Soda (and Ben) worse. I never even said goodbye to them. I have to go back, even though I know that you and Johnny aren't ready yet. I swear, Pony, I won't tell anybody where you are, you know I won't. I'll just tell Darry and Soda that I know you are safe, and that they don't have to worry because you and Johnny are just fine. Please don't be mad, or worried about me. I am so glad that I got to be with you for the past few days and I love you so much Pony, I hope you know that now. Keep Johnny safe too._

_Love,_

_ Scout_

I left my letter inside the book where I had last left off reading, knowing that one of them would probably pick up the book in the panic of me being gone and thumb through it, finding my letter. I looked around to see what else I should bring. I grabbed some baloney and bread from our supplies, stuffed them inside some brown paper wrapping, and shoved them into my pocket. I didn't figure I would be walking for very long. There was a road that led right up to the church. The people who used to use the road to get to the church must have come from somewhere! I figured that if I just followed the road eventually I would come upon a more well traveled road, from which I could hitch a ride into Tulsa and home. This was why I felt I had to do something I hated doing… I reached into sleeping Johnny's jacket pocket and took his blade. He didn't even shift in his sleep. I was scared about hitchhiking… a twelve year-old girl; alone… having some sort of weapon seemed reasonable.

"Sorry, Johnny," I whispered. I was convincing myself that it would never come to hitchhiking anyway – some nice old elderly couple would be out for a country drive and pull over and offer to drive me home. I would hop in and they would tell me stories about their children and grandchildren while we drove to Tulsa and they would call me 'honey' the whole time. Idon't know what I was thinking; I was probably delirious.

I stood up and looked down at both Pony and Johnny. Absentmindedly I rubbed my calf scratch. It was burning. I remembered that I had meant to wash it out at the well. Stupid, I thought, it's just a scratch. I took a good long look at the two of them. They both looked peaceful, caught up in dreams that appeared to have nothing to do with their current reality.

"Good night, boys," I whispered. "Be safe." I remembered my mom's other parting words, and just for good measure added them on. "Use your manners." I smiled to myself as I imagined the two of them playing cutthroat poker for cigarettes, all the while saying "please" and "thank you."

I wanted to stay and stare at them all night but I knew I should get going. I imagined it might be a few miles back to civilization and I wanted to be back to a bigger road by morning. I had no idea what time it was, but I figured I had a few hours left in the dark and wanted to be far enough away before Pony and Johnny woke up that they wouldn't be able to find me.


	26. The Wilderness

I climbed out the window and walked out to the road, still marveling at the abundance of stars visible outside of the city. The moon was full and far higher in the sky than it had been the first night when I had seen it. I was thinking about how in school we had learned how sailors used the stars to navigate. I never could quite understand that, because at home, the stars always seemed pretty hazy and indistinct. Now I could see how each one was clear, unmistakable from the next, even in the moonlight. I loved being outside at night. I tried to remember the pattern of the stars directly in front of me as I followed the road, using it as a map, but looking up while walking was tricky and was making me dizzy.

I actually felt kind of dizzy anyway; I had had a little bit of a headache all day but ignored it, figuring I was just stressed about my plan to leave. There was nothing I could have done about it anyway, it's not like we had any aspirin.

I followed the road as best I could. At times it was difficult to figure which way I should go, because the area seemed to be crisscrossed with lots of secondary roads. I figured people must come out here to hunt, and tried to always choose the more well-used looking road but those choices often made me feel as though I was just walking back in the direction from which I had come. I looked back up at the stars a few times and tried to remember what they had looked like in front of me when I had first left the church but by that point they all looked the same.

I felt like I had been walking for hours and was finding nothing, when suddenly I saw what looked to be a light off through the woods to my right. I stared at it, but in the dark it was difficult to judge distance. I thought it looked pretty close. By this point, my head was hurting and my legs did not want to move anymore, particularly the one with the cut. I looked toward the light and decided to take the shortest path possible to reach it. I stepped off the road and into the woods.

It was tougher than I had expected to cut through the woods, especially without real shoes. At times the ground would drop off suddenly and, in the dark, I could not judge the depth and ended up falling. I scratched my hands again and again on unseen bushes and bramble. No matter how much I walked, that light just never seemed to get any closer, and morning just never seemed to come.

Finally my legs could take me no farther, and I sat down to rest against a tree. It had to get light soon, I thought, and then I would be able to see where the light had been coming from. I decided to rest for a while and was sure that when the sun came up I would awaken and be able to get home. I fell asleep leaning against the tree.

**A/N: Fanfiction stats says that more people than the 6 or so who review are reading this. What do you think? Please review! And props to my super-reviewers! I promise to let you know what happens next soon!**


	27. The Confusion

I must have fallen over during the night, because when I woke up I was on my side with my legs bent under me and my right calf screaming with pain. My head was throbbing and I was sweating through my clothes. I looked around, expecting to see Pony and Johnny on the dirt around me but was met instead by a thick canvas of bushes and shrubs. I remembered that I had left the church behind in the night and started for home.

I struggled to sit up. What the hell was wrong with me? I was athletic; certainly walking a few miles should not have worn me out like this. I saw that my hands were covered with scratches and remembered the bushwhacking I had done the previous night. It was then that I remembered the light I had been following. I looked frantically around. How had I possibly seen a light? It seemed in the daylight that the brush was far too thick to have let any kind of light shine through. What was worse, I had no idea which direction I had been walking. After sleeping, everything was all turned around.

I wished I had thought of bringing a Pepsi with me, I was so thirsty. I wondered what Pony and Johnny did when they woke up and found me gone. Had they found my letter? I wondered if Pony was angry at me for leaving. It seemed to me that both Darry and Soda were angry with me but I couldn't fathom why. My head was spinning and I struggled to focus.

"OK," I said out loud, and startled myself.

I knew I needed to get moving, to find a road. I had no idea what time it was but the sun seemed high in the sky and I guessed it might be late morning, at least. The air was chilly, however, which puzzled me since I was sweating. In fact, my clothes were soaked with sweat, which only made the cool air that much more difficult to handle.

Just then I heard a train whistle in the distance. My ears perked up at the sound and I recalled how just hours ago I had figured that the next time I heard a train whistle it would be from my bed at home. I dragged myself up off the ground and for some reason I thought it made the most sense to walk toward the train tracks. I followed the sound as it slowly faded. I stumbled along, seemingly scraping against every element of thorned plant life along the way. I cursed like I had never cursed before, in ways that would have made Dallas Winston proud, and my parents roll over in their graves. At one point I caught my ankle on a stealthy root and twisted it hard as I came down full force onto my wrists. My head caught the corner of a rock embedded in the dirt as I fell, and I had the breath entirely knocked out of me.

"SHIT!" I yelled, as I reached up to feel blood coming from the cut on my head. I realized that now, along with the burning in my calf from the cut, my throbbing head, and inexplicable sweating, I had twisted my ankle, maybe even broken it, it hurt that much.

I just lay where I had landed and cried. I thought: I was supposed to be home by now. And then: I should have just stayed with Pony and Johnny.

Yet here I was, lying on the ground, aching, scratched, bleeding, lost, and starving.

It was then I remembered the baloney and bread. I reached down into my pocket and fished it out. It was smooshed, warm, disgusting, but I gagged it down. The baloney was salty and only made me realize how thirsty I really was. My tongue felt like sandpaper in my mouth. I swallowed my last bite and sat there, surrounded by this new mess that I had created.

I was lost. I had never had that feeling before, of truly having absolutely NO idea where I was. I had never even asked what town the church was in. I had figured that we weren't that far from Tulsa, but maybe I had actually really fallen asleep on the train. Maybe we had been traveling for hours and now I was lost in the woods of Arkansas, or Texas. For the first time I felt fear.

On top of everything else, I was realizing that something was really wrong with me. I had had aches and pains before, and headaches, but this was different. My head was throbbing so much it hurt to think. My legs were telling my brain that they could not manage another step. And although it was cool – cold, even, I couldn't stop sweating. And shivering. The shivering was new. I lay down and pulled myself into fetal position, hoping that I would wake up to find Pony and Johnny on the floor beside me, or Darry cooking breakfast in the kitchen and Soda torturing me to get up.

What I did wake up to was a rain, and a cold one at that. The drops came down like bullets, each one delivering it's own personal message of insult and agony. I felt unable to even move, but I managed to drag myself under a bush and cover myself as best I could from the rain. Though, really, there was no escaping it. I felt drips falling onto me from the leaves of the bush and turned towards them, mouth open, coaxing them to quench my thirst.

The next time I awoke, Darry and I were lying in his bed, just like after Mom and Dad died. I was telling him how cold it was and he just kept telling me, "You're not cold, Scout. You're sweating. You're not cold." But I was. I was freezing. I reached out to Darry and held him close, laying my head on his chest. "I love you, Darry, but I'm telling you, I am freezing." I told him.

The next time I awoke, Darry was gone. Pony was next to me, on the ground, holding my hand and looking at the stars. "So many…" he said.

"It's so cold, Pony!" I said.

Pony turned to me. "You're crazy," he laughed, and disappeared.

The next time, Mom and Dad were there. Mom was cleaning my leg where it was burning and talking to me in a soothing voice. "You're OK, Samantha. Just a little cut, that's all. You'll be fine." Dad didn't say anything, he just looked at me and smiled and pushed my hair out of my face.

The next time, I didn't wake up so much as get awakened. Somebody was calling my name.

"Scout Curtis!" I heard, from far away. I didn't recognize the voice. Suddenly I was in school and Mr. Gerard, my math teacher was yelling at me for not paying attention. "SCOUT CURTIS!!" I hate math.

I sat up straight in my seat and tried to answer but my mouth wouldn't move. The voice came closer and closer and in the background I heard something frantically panting, coming through the woods towards me, branches cracking underfoot, and barking, barking? What were dogs doing in my math class? Dogs were panting over me, suddenly, and barking, and louder footsteps approached. I felt a hand on my shoulder, pulling me, turning me over. I fell onto my back, staring up at a strange but not unfriendly face.

"Samantha Scout Curtis?" he asked, matter-of-factly.

I used every ounce of energy in my body to offer a weak nod.

"I'm Luke." I couldn't really focus on his face but I could see that he had green eyes, like Pony. "There's some people gonna be mighty glad to see you. I'm glad we found you."

You and me both, I thought, though my mouth could manage nothing.

"It's her!" he yelled, and I heard an echo of "Got her!" head out through the woods. I closed my eyes as the stranger put his arms under my burning legs and sat me up. "You ready to go home?" he asked. I melted against him.


	28. The Reconciliation

There was a whole team of kind strangers who helped me out of the woods. Right away Luke covered me in a blanket and talked to me until the others came up to where we were. Then someone who acted like a doctor came and checked all over me and asked a million questions about what hurt. I think I answered "yes" to every place he touched.

More people came and they strapped me onto a litter. People talked to me the whole time. I tried to answer back, though I have no idea what I said. They asked me what day it was, what my name was, where I was, who was the President of the United States… and other stuff, like how old I was, did I have a boyfriend, what was my favorite food… I wanted to sleep but they just wouldn't let me. They just talked and talked.

I cried and screamed with pain when they moved me from the litter onto the stretcher. Everything hurt, and I felt like I could no longer even move on my own.

After what seemed like forever we came out of the woods and suddenly all of my brothers were there, really there. Darry was pushing back my hair and looking like he was gonna cry, and Soda was kissing me on the cheek. Pony was crying and squeezing my hand. They were all talking at me at once and I could understand none of what they were saying but I was so glad to hear their voices. I wanted to touch them and hug them but I couldn't raise my arms.

I was out of it, but had something I felt I needed to say.

"I'm sorry," I said, or I hoped I said. It was so hard to tell what was real. "I'm really sorry."

I heard the paramedics. "All right, only one of you in the ambulance. Who's coming?"

"Darry." I said, and decided for them. That I know I said out loud, from the others' reaction.

"We'll meet you there," Soda said, running off, and within seconds I heard Soda start the engine, slam it into gear, and peel away in Darry's truck. Even that was a welcome sound, I had missed everything so much.

I lay in the ambulance, Darry looking down at me. I wanted to say so much but I was so tired. And warm, finally. It felt so good to be warm. The paramedics worked on me but I felt nothing.

Darry looked down at me. He looked sad and I wasn't sure why. I just looked at him. My mouth wasn't working.

He kissed his fingers and placed them on my lips. I remembered how I had run out without telling him, how I must have scared him. "I didn't mean to, Darry," I think I said, though I seemed to have no voice.

I don't even know if he replied. He put his hand on my cheek and I fell into the best sleep I have ever felt. No dreams, no interruptions. Pure sleep.


	29. The Reunion

When I woke up I was surrounded by white. Walls, sheets, ceiling, smell. I was in the hospital, I knew immediately. I turned my head and was surprised at the first person I saw.

"Ben!" I croaked more than spoke.

He had been completely spacing out. "Scout!" He jumped up.

"Water?" I suggested. I couldn't really talk, my throat was so dry.

He grabbed the pitcher and poured furiously, spilling all over the floor.

I wanted to smile but my lips were so dry they cracked. He held out the glass and I drank ravenously.

"Whoa," he said. "I don't know if you are supposed to drink like that," he said.

"Ben, I'm so thirsty," I said.

He pulled it away. "Just hang on a sec," he said. He pushed the nurse button.

No nurses came, but Soda appeared in the door. He caught sight of me and ran in, skidding on the floor

"You're up!" He said.

"I'm thirsty," I said.

Soda didn't hold back, he climbed over the rails and joined me in bed, throwing his whole body over me. A Soda hug. Some sort of alarm immediately sounded, but he didn't move, and I was glad. I tried to hug him back, confined as I was by tubes and wires.

"I missed you," he whispered in my ear.

Now about five nurses appeared. Had it been anyone but Soda, I'm sure he would have been booted out, but as it were, they just asked him to "scoot over, honey," pulled the wires and tubes out from under him and let him stay. I was so grateful. Everything always seemed better with Soda around. They gave me the OK to drink as much water as I wanted and I drank two more glasses and emptied the pitcher as everyone watched. Ben went into the bathroom to refill it.

"I see you've made some friends," I said, after the nurses checked all the machines to make sure I was still alive and left, warning Soda, "You take it easy on her, OK handsome?"

Soda grinned his biggest grin at me. "What can I say? Nurses like me!"

"How does Sandy feel about that?" I asked.

He didn't answer and there was something awkward in the silence. He changed the subject.

"How do you feel?" He asked. "You were awful sick. Thank God those guys found you, they said you coulda died if you were lost much longer." That was Soda; anything but tactful. There was no sugarcoating the truth with him.

"What? Of what?" I had never heard of anyone dying from being lost in the woods for two days. It's not like there had been a blizzard or something. I had no idea how cold it had been, but I doubted it had been even close to freezing.

"Infection. That cut on your leg. How'd you get that anyway? Pony said he didn't even know about it. It was infected and the infection got into your blood."

"I scraped it jumping out of the train." Huh. Infected. No wonder I had felt like crap.

"And you were dehydrated."

That's what happens when you sweat for two days straight without drinking anything, I figured. I thought it had only been two days, anyway.

"AND you got hypothermia, and a concussion, and a broken wrist and a sprained ankle." Soda seemed proud of himself for remembering all my specific diagnoses.

Again; logical. I remembered hitting my head on the rock, and being freezing. The thought made me shiver. The ankle was a given, though I was glad to hear that it was only a sprain. The wrist was a surprise, but I did remember how hard I had landed on it. Only then did I notice the cast on my left hand. I still pretty much ached everywhere.

Soda had mentioned Pony. "Pony came home? Where are he and Darry?" I asked.

"Pony came home two days ago. That's how we knew to go looking for you. He expected you to already be home. He thought you were with us, and we thought you were with him; we got pretty scared when we realized you were neither. He and Darry went to visit Johnny. He's in here too. And Dallas."

"What? Why?"

Soda looked at Ben, returning the pitcher to the bedside table, and then at me like he wasn't sure he should say.

"The church you were staying in… Dally went out there and took Pony and Johnny out for lunch. While they were away a fire started. There were kids there, some picnic field trip. When they got back to the church they saw the fire and went in to try to save the kids. Dally and Johnny got burned – Dall's OK but Johnny's pretty bad.

"Pony?"

"He's fine. He'll be back any minute."

I was stunned. A picnic at an abandoned church? What kind of field trip is that? And Dally was trying to save kids? He hated little kids, even me when I acted immature. Pony and Johnny I could see, but not Dally. I was silent. Maybe just like I had found out about Tim Shepard, there was more to Dallas than his image as a tough hood. Maybe Dall was out at night rescuing stranded kids and driving them home, too… Somehow I doubted it, though. Dally really did hate kids.

"Soda?"

"Yeah, baby?" It felt so good to feel his arms around me. I hugged him as best I could.

"I didn't run away. I just wanted to come home." I said.

"I know. Pony had your letter in his pocket, so it didn't get burned up. He showed us."

"Oh." Suddenly I remembered Ben was in the room.

"What are you doing here, anyway, Ben?" I realized immediately that had sounded rude, not how I had intended. I had meant: why wasn't he in school? I had no idea what day it was. I was too tired to figure it out.

Soda answered for him. "He's been trying to find you since you disappeared, just like me and Darry. We could tell Dally knew where Pony and Johnny were but we really didn't know where you were. You scared us pretty bad, Scout."

"I'm sorry." I was. So much. "I wasn't running away at first when I left either. It just happened. I just wanted to bring Pony home."

"We know. Pony told us what happened that night, how you followed him. Darry feels real bad about it all."

Soda and I just lay there. Ben stood up. "I'm gonna go get Darry and Pony," he said. "They've been waiting for you to wake up."

I looked at Ben. He truly looked relieved to see me as well. "Thanks, Ben." I said. "I'm sorry about everything. Thanks for being here with me."

"I'm just glad you're OK," he said, and walked toward the door. And, as an afterthought, he added, quietly, "I missed you."

Soda's eyes had closed and his breathing was becoming regular. I laid my head on his shoulder and was starting to drift off myself when I heard footsteps running towards my room. I opened my eyes and Darry and Ponyboy stood breathless at my bedside. "Scout!" Pony practically yelled. Soda's eyes shot open.

"Hey," I said. Darry took my hand and stared down at me.

"Scout, what were you thinking? Why did you leave?" Pony looked despondent and a bit frantic, despite the fact that I lay safe and sound before him.

"I'm sorry, Pony. I shouldn't have. I missed Darry and Soda. I felt bad about disappearing on them. I shouldn't have."

"You coulda died, Scout. You were safe with me! I was taking care of you. I was making sure you were OK. I would have kept you safe. If I hadn't have had to come home because of the fire you would still be out there. God, Scout!"

"I know, Pony. I know." I did feel bad. Now my decision to leave seemed clearly wrong, though at the time it had seemed so right.

"Pony, not now…" Darry didn't want him yelling at me.

"It's OK, Darry," I said, and turned to Pony. "You're right. I shouldn't have left. Maybe I was already sick, I don't know. My judgment was bad. I was trying to stop worrying Darry and Soda but I never meant to worry you. I'm sorry. I thought we were…OK."

Pony backed off a little, and calmed down. "I know... I mean, we are. And I shouldn't be yelling at you. I was just so worried when I got home and you weren't already there. I couldn't imagine what had happened to you. I thought you maybe really were running away, after what you said to me about you feeling useless. You never even told me you were hurt!"

"I didn't think… It wasn't that bad. We didn't have any way to take care of it anyway. I didn't know it was getting infected. It was just a scratch. I'm sorry Pony. I'm sorry to everyone. I just can't seem to make the right choices anymore. I think I'm doing the right things, but everything gets twisted around and I just cause more trouble for everyone."

It was how I truly felt. And talking about it, thinking about it had exhausted me. I suddenly could hardly even keep my eyes open. Soda hugged me tight and I felt Darry's hand on my head.

"We're just glad you're back," Darry said. "We missed you. Both of you."

I wanted to smile but just didn't have the energy. "Pony?"

"What?"

"I'm so tired. Can we just fight about this later?"

Pony's hand was on my cheek. "No," he said. "No more fighting. You sleep, Scout, and I'll be here when you wake up, OK? I promise"

"Me too," Darry and Soda both spoke.

"Hey, Scout?" It was Darry.

"Yeah?"

"Pony told me what you said. He was right; we're keeping you. No matter what. Us Curtises stick together."

Those were the best words I could have imagined to fall asleep to.


	30. The Visitors

The next time I woke up all three brothers were still there. My doctor came in to check on me, and shooed them all out. He was tall and kind-looking and reminded me of somebody, though I'm not sure who. His name was Dr. Bryant. He seemed too young to be a doctor, though he certainly knew what he was talking about. I asked him a million questions about what all the tubes and wires on me were for, and he was patient and answered them all and didn't talk any differently to me than he did to Darry, which I liked. He said he guessed I might have to stay for a few days, until my infection cleared up. I also had a dozen or so different nurses who always seemed to be showing up when Darry and Soda were in the room, but pretty much ignored me when I was alone. They were all at least twenty years older than my brothers, but Soda flirted with them anyway. Darry was cordial but less enthusiastic. After he finished with me I drifted back off to sleep.

I awoke to a face that looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't place it until I looked in his eyes..

His eyes were so green. I remembered thinking that they had looked like Pony's, but actually they were a completely different shade of green.

"Do you remember me?" He asked.

"Yes," I said. I did. "But I forgot your name."

"Luke," he said. Right. Luke.

"You found me," I said.

"Well… the dogs found you. But I was there," he said.

"Thank you," I said.

"I'm glad you're OK," he said. "I didn't know it at the time, but I went to school with your brother Darry."

That wasn't surprising. A whole lot more people knew of Darry than he knew of them.

"Darry's here, somewhere," I said. "Want me to have somebody get him?"

"No, No trouble kid. You need to rest. I just wanted to check in on you, I was here with someone else. Just tell him that Luke Kennedy said hi. I was the senior kicker his freshman year."

I wouldn't remember all that. I tried to remember simply "Luke, kicker."

I had trouble staying awake for more than an hour or so at a time. Every time I awoke there were different people in the room. Sometimes it was one of my brothers, or Ben, or Two-Bit, but I was surprised at one point to wake up and find Steve sitting in the chair by the bed. He saw me wake up and appeared highly annoyed. I obviously must have looked surprised to see him because he said, pointedly,

"Soda had to drive Darry to work. He told me to wait here with you." He made it clear that this was a great inconvenience to him.

"It's fine, Steve. You can go. I'm fine here."

"Soda told me to stay, so I'm stayin'." Just to make it known what a pain I was to him, I'm sure. I couldn't believe Soda would leave him, he seemed to be realizing a bit more that Steve did not particularly care for the company of either myself or Pony, but maybe there was nobody else who could stay with me. Or maybe Soda just figured I wouldn't wake up. I was wishing I hadn't, when he started in on me.

"You know, for a little kid, you sure cause a lot of problems for your brothers."

"You know, Steve, I didn't do this on purpose."

"Yeah, well, it would be nice if you used a little common sense once in a while. Now you're stuck in here and Darry and Soda are stuck spending their hard earned money on your damned hospital bills."

I hadn't thought about that. It must be costing Darry a fortune to have me in the hospital. Leave it to Steve to bring that up.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Steve." I didn't.

"Don't say anything. Just stop being such a stupid kid."

I sat there without answering and a few minutes later Soda came in. Steve and I just talked to Soda like our little exchange had never taken place, but we didn't speak to each other again. I was relieved when he left.

"Soda, you don't have to have somebody watching me every second," I said. "Nothing is gonna happen to me."

"I know," he said. " I just feel bad, you waking up with nobody here."

I wanted to say that I would have preferred nobody to Steve but I didn't. I don't know why Soda likes him, but he does, so I held my tongue, for his benefit.

"So what are we going to do today?" Soda joked, looking down at me completely confined in bed. You just had to smile around him.


	31. The Interrogation

Darry was sitting on the edge of my bed, explaining why now that I was awake there were two cops at the door wanting to talk to me. I knew that they must have already talked to Pony, and I couldn't imagine what more I could possibly add to what he had told them. I hadn't really even been able to see anything. "Didn't Pony already tell them everything?"

"Yes. But they want to talk to you."

Why? Didn't he tell you, I didn't even really know they killed somebody 'til when Pony told me."

"Yeah, Pony told us about what happened, and we believe him. He said you weren't at the park 'til after they already killed the Soc, that you didn't see it, and that you were gone by the time they left."

"That's right, kind of. I was there before the fight but I couldn't see anything. I didn't want Pony to know I followed him yet. I never even saw the kid 'til after Pony yelled at me to leave and I saw the cops pick him up. But I didn't know he was dead. So why do I have to talk to them?"

"We believe you, Scout. Only there is one problem, there's one thing the cops won't let go."

"What's that?"

He hesitated. "They found the murder weapon in your pocket."

I had forgotten about that. Johnny's knife. I had taken it. I guessed I'd better talk.

"Can you stay in here when they come in?" I was remembering Darry with the cops the night our parents died, how I had felt like he wouldn't let them get past him and take me. I wanted him with me.

"I can stay in the room but I'm not supposed to talk to you while they ask you questions."

I thought about it. "OK, if you can stay. But really, Darry. I don't know anything."

"Just tell them the truth, Scout. We know you didn't do anything to that Soc."

The cops came in and they asked me a lot of questions, about that night and the time at the church, and wrote down my answers in a notebook. I tried to remember the details, and I wanted to cry when they asked me about running away from the house and I had to tell about Darry hitting Ponyboy. I looked at him as though I was his executioner and he looked sad too, but also proud that I was telling the truth.

I told them about the Socs coming in the blue car and yelling at Pony. I told them about Pony and Johnny running away (leaving out the part about me going to Buck's for Darry and Dally's benefits.) I told them how I had taken the knife from Johnny in case I needed to protect myself when I was hitchhiking home, and that other than taking it from his pocket and putting it into mine, I had never touched it. They seemed happy with my answers and after an hour or so they left, even telling me to feel better. I was afraid to look at Darry when they were gone.

"You did good, Scout," his voice came from across the room.

I looked around at him. I didn't know what to say. He had told me to tell the truth. "I'm sorry I had to tell," I said.

"That night…" he started. "I don't even know how it happened. I have wanted to take it back since that second. I hate myself for it. I would never, ever hit you. You know that, right?"

I nodded. "It scared me, when it happened. But I wasn't running away from you, Darry. I was running _to_ Pony, to make him come back. I heard you and Soda fighting earlier, when he was late, about him being a bad example for me. I didn't want him getting in trouble because of me."

Darry looked miserable. "I never want to be someone you're scared of, baby. It makes me feel like Dallas or something."

I almost yelled. "No way, Darry. Don't even say that. You're nothing like Dallas to me. And I'm not scared of you." I motioned for him to come over; I was still connected to far too many tubes and wires to go to him.

He came over to the bed and looked down at me. "I guess I just kind of lost it," he said. "I want to do a good job with you and Pony – sometimes the pressure gets to me. I lost it."

"It's OK, Darry. We're all feeling the stress. Pony and I lost it too, at the church. We said terrible things to each other. It's lucky we didn't hit each other too."

"Yeah, he told me about it."

"I guessed that. Thanks for deciding to keep me, by the way."

Darry chuckled and squeezed my hand. "I guess maybe all of us were holding a lot of stuff in. I never knew you were worrying about money so much. I'm sorry nobody told you about that."

"I must be costing you a lot of money, being in here." I remembered my conversation with Steve.

"Scout, it's not your job to worry about that."

"But Steve said…"

"Steve needs to learn to keep his mouth shut," he said. "And anyway, Steve is not in charge of the Curtis family finances, I am. So don't listen to him."

"It's just… I'm a part of the family too. I just wish you guys would not treat me like such a baby. You never even think to include me in decisions, and stuff. I think it's scarier for me to have no idea what is going on. I really thought our only money was from you and Soda working. I didn't know about the money you get from the state. Nobody tells me anything and then I have to sit around and stress out about it."

"I had no idea how much you were thinking about all that. I guess maybe because when I was twelve I _didn't_ think about any of that, because when I was your age I had Mom and Dad around. We've all got to communicate better. Pony told us about you doing too much of the chores too. We talked about it and you're right, none of us can remember vacuuming or really cleaning anything but dishes since they died. It was just getting done and we never thought about the fact that it was you doing it all. We're gonna work on making it more fair. We all have to remember that you're just twelve. We didn't have to deal with any of the responsibilities you do when we were in junior high. We're gonna work on it."

"That sounds good," I said. "Hey, Darry?"

"Yeah?"

"I just remembered something. I forgot to tell the cops something about the knife."

"What?" He looked worried.

"I did touch it one other time. I cut my hair off with it."

Darry laughed. "I don't think that's against any laws."


	32. The Girltalk

The next day I had an abundance of company.

Anna and Alison came in first thing in the morning. I was glad to hear Ali say that she had been talking to Darry the whole time we were missing… it was good to know that she stuck with him through it all. The last thing I wanted was to mess up Darry's chance at a good relationship because Pony and I were causing too much trouble.

Anna and I told Alison and Darry to get lost so we could talk about them, although of course we just wanted them to have some time together alone. Neither one protested, and Anna and I raised our eyebrows at each other as Darry took her hand on the way out the door. I don't know why they felt they needed the excuse of the two of us to be together.

"So, tell me everything!" Anna said. "What the hell happened? Did you run away? Did you see them kill that kid? You were lost in the woods? God, Scout! Meanwhile I'm sitting in school wondering what happened to you!"

There was really no way to tell her the story except from the beginning. Darry and Ali tried to come back in the middle and we sent them away again so I could tell the story without feeling like Darry was listening in. I told her most of what happened, leaving out the part about Darry hitting Pony and saving the part about Pony and I looking at the stars for myself. I just wanted to keep that private, it had meant that much to me. I didn't have a whole lot of special memories of just me with Pony. Finally I was done, and exhausted, just as Darry and Alison came back again.

"Are we allowed in yet?" Darry asked. I don't know where they had gone but when they came back Ali's cheeks were flushed and Darry looked happier than usual. Anna and I shot each other a glance.

Alison must have sensed what I needed and she offered to brush my hair for me, since, with my arm in a cast, I couldn't. Of course none of the boys offered to help me with it. Alison brushed it out and put it in two pigtails, since now it was too short to braid and it was driving me crazy being in my face.

"Thanks Ali," I said. "It's nice to have a few other females around here."

"I agree," Darry said, and smiled at her.

Not long after, they left, saying that they had to get back to the restaurant.

"Scout, you're allowed to eat whatever you want in here, right?" Anna asked.

I looked at Darry. He nodded. "I guess so," I said. I hadn't had anything but hospital food, so far.

"Maybe Darry could come get a pizza for you sometime and bring it in. You know, Angelo's is a lot better than hospital food!" It was so obvious how we kept trying to get Darry and Alison together but they played along.

"That's a great idea," Ali said. "Come by anytime."

"That does sound pretty good," I said, eyeing Darry.

"We'll see," he said. "Bye ladies," he said as Anna and Alison left.

I just stared at him after they left.

"What?" He asked.

"Why don't you just really ask her out, Darry?" I said. "It's so obvious you like each other. And she's great."

"It's more complicated than that, Scout. I have a lot of other things to think about."

"Well, if you're talking about me, that's just a bad excuse. I know I've been a lot of trouble lately, but there is no reason you can't take time to be with a girl, Darry. Especially a really super-great girl like Alison."

"Scout, when you and Pony were gone, Soda and I spent every second of the day trying to find you. We didn't care about anything else. There was no time for anything else."

"She said you talked to her every night."

"On the phone, yes," he said. "When it was too dark or late to look for you."

"Well, now I'm back, and I'm OK. And Pony's OK. So I want you to promise me, when I get out of here, you'll take Alison out. Not with me and Anna, and NOT at Angelo's."

"Since when do you call the shots?" he asked, slightly amused.

"Since I'm the one stuck in this bed, and if you agree it will only motivate me to get out of here sooner."

Darry just shook his head at me. He must have been able to tell that I was falling asleep because he never answered and I drifted off before I got a chance to get on his case again.

**A/N: I know it's a little annoying to be posting shorter chapters at a time, but I hope I post often enough to make up for it! Thanks again to and Itaque81 for reading and reviewing like champs! Also whatcoloristhesky for her help on Epiphany Revisited (I am not sure if she is reading this one or not!) Keep reading and reviewing, please!**


	33. The Rumble

**A/N: I know I've been posting short chapters for a while, so here is a longer one. As always, please review!**

I awoke again to voices, and was completely surprised to find my basketball coach sitting in a chair next to Darry, talking Tulsa sports. I was awake for a good five minutes, just lying there listening to them, before Coach Karis glanced over and noticed I was awake. It had been interesting to hear Darry talking to another adult. I realized I didn't hear it very often.

"Scout!," He jumped up. "Hi! How are you feeling?"

I just adored him; not only was he a great coach, he was such a kind person as well, as evidenced by the fact that he was here visiting me in the hospital, months past actual basketball season. I was glad to see him talking with Darry; somehow I knew they would get along but I never figured they would have real occasion to meet.

"I'm OK," I said. "You didn't have to come."

"Well, I have to keep tabs on my team!" he said, smiling. "Plus, I didn't know I'd get to meet a Tulsa football legend, to boot," he said. Darry made a face but I knew he loved having someone around with whom he could discuss sports. He definitely missed Dad in that realm.

"I'm gonna go get a coffee," Darry said, suddenly standing up. "Can I get you two anything?" He obviously wanted to give us a few minutes to talk.

"I'm all set," Coach said.

"Can you get me out of here?" I asked, just being a pain.

"Sorry, baby… Not today," he said.

"Then, no, thanks," I said.

After he was gone Coach Karis leaned over the bed and took my hand. "So, Scout, I'm not just here because I'm your coach. I was worried when I heard you were here. I know your family has been through some rough stuff. How are you doing, really?" he asked.

I was grateful for his concern, but at the time it seemed like things might have actually been more OK than they had been in quite a while.

"I'm OK, Coach," I said. "Really. Things are real good with me and my brothers right now."

"That's great, Scout. I'm really glad to hear it."

"Yeah," I said. "Sometimes it almost feels like our family is back to normal. Except that we still miss our parents so much."

"Well," he said, "That's certainly to be expected. It looks like your brother's doing a real good job though."

"He is," I said. "He really is." I hoped that Darry knew that none of this was his fault. His only mistake had been hitting Pony – and he certainly felt badly enough about that; everything that happened after that had been nothing but circumstance. Bad timing, bad judgement, and just plain bad luck.

Darry came back in right then and I wondered if he had heard what I said about him. I sort of hoped so.

"Well, Scout, I'm looking forward to seeing you back in the gym later this spring," he said. "We have open practices, you know, starting in May."

"She'll be there," Darry said. Since he had seen me play he was my biggest fan, suddenly.

"I'll count on that," my coach said, standing up. "It was real nice to meet you, Darrel," he said.

"You too," Darry said. I was strangely glad they had met… Two really good men in my life. I imagined that if Darry wasn't stuck with us, he would be turning into the man my Coach was.

"Bye, Coach," I said, as he left.

"See you at the gym," he said.

After he left I turned to Darry. "You know now you're stuck picking me up after practice this spring, too," I said.

"So, you can practice with Anna," he said. I smiled. Now he was plotting to get time with Alison too.

"Oh, I see," I said, raising my eyebrows at him.

Just then Ben, Kevin, and his Mrs. Cummings came in. She was still in her hospital scrubs.

"How come you're not my nurse?" I asked.

"Be glad, honey," she said. "You aren't sick enough."

Actually, I found out later, at first I had been _too_ sick. I had skipped the Emergency Room and gone straight to the Intensive Care Unit.

Kevin and Darry fell immediately into some sort of coded conversation that I couldn't understand, something about the Shepard gang, and as soon as they saw me looking at them and listening they moved the conversation into the hall.

Ben hovered around me and I got the impression that he really wanted to talk to me about something, but his Mom was hovering even more than he was and he couldn't manage to get a second alone with me. I felt bad but I was exhausted from all the visitors I had already and I was nodding off on them.

"Bye Scout," I heard Ben say. "Call me if you wake up later, OK?"

I thought that was odd, having just seen him, but I was too tired to question it.

When I woke up for lunch Two-Bit was there with Ponyboy. Apparently he was having some kind of brake problem with his car and he had me in hysterics describing how he had almost gotten himself killed.

"So no more lessons for a while, OK Scooter? Brakes are fairly necessary, especially when you're just learning."

"You're teaching her to drive, Two-Bit?" Pony was trying to sound shocked but actually sounded more jealous. "You do know she's only twelve, right?"

"I know," he said.

"Don't tell Darry," both Two-Bit and I said in unison. Pony just looked at us like we were both nuts, which, in this case, we very may well have been.

As Pony and Two-Bit were leaving I remembered Ben had asked me to call him, but I was too tired. I just turned over and slept again.

____________________

Around 3 everyone disappeared for a while and I dozed off. I woke up later to someone calling my name. It was nearly dark outside. I looked over and squinted in the dark to find Dallas sitting in the chair next to my bed.

"Hey, Kid," he said.

"Dallas?" I was surprised to see him. "I thought you were in the hospital too, I mean as a patient."

"I was. Now I'm leavin'." He was acting strange, agitated.

"Why, Dall?"

"Got me a rumble to go to. Just came in to check up on you, make sure you were really here. You were under the radar, kid. Your brothers knew I knew something about Pony, but you were just plain missing. Nice little disappearing act you pulled there."

I ignored the part about a disappearing act.

"What? Who's having a rumble, Dallas?" Suddenly it seemed very suspicious that everyone had left me. I had not been alone in the room for more than an hour or so since I had been there.

"Everyone. Greasers versus Socials. We're gonna fuckin' show them who's boss for that shit they pulled with Pony and Johnny in the park."

"Are you kidding me?" I couldn't believe it, with me and Johnny already in the hospital, the rest of the gang was gonna go out and get themselves killed now, too?

"I don't kid, Curtis. We'll let you know how it goes. I'm gonna go take care of some business I have with those asshole Socs. Johnny deserves some revenge for what happened to him. You take care, kid." He patted me on the head as he left.

"Dally, wait," I called, but he was already gone.

I sat up and grabbed for the phone between the beds, nearly knocking myself to the floor. I noticed there was no longer anyone in the other bed. I wasn't surprised, as the man who had been there earlier was none too amused with some of my visitors, particularly Two-Bit. He can be kinda loud.

I dialed my house. Steve picked up.

"Curtis House!"

"Steve, put Darry on."

"Who's this?" He knew it was me. Jerk. Another reason I can't stand him.

"Now, Steve. Put him on."

He sounded pretty annoyed that it was me, like answering my call had been particularly tedious for him. I heard him call Darry over a large amount of background noise. "Darry, it's the kid." I didn't mind anyone calling me kid but Steve Randle.

Darry picked up, sounding anxious. "Scout, you OK?"

"You're fighting in a rumble?!" I was livid. "What, the rest of you want to end up in the hospital too? And you weren't even gonna _tell_ me about it? After you just told me we should communicate better? God, Darry! Are you kidding me?"

"Calm down. We didn't want to worry you, Scout." Even he sounded unconvinced that this was an acceptable defense.

"So, all of you are fighting in this thing? Everyone?"

"We'll be fine. Don't worry about us." It obviously wasn't Darry that I was worried about; he could take care of himself. It was everyone else.

"Right, Darry, like Pony's in any shape for this! I'll finally get out of here and I'll have nobody to come home to, you'll all be dead! Are you crazy? Have you guys all lost your goddamn minds?" I don't think I had ever yelled at Darry like this before.

"Look, Scout, It'll be fine." Even he sounded fairly unconvinced. "I gotta go. I'll come see you later, OK?"

"Darry! Think about it! Please. Don't do it! I mean it! Darry!" The background noise was deafening.

"Bye, Scout." He hung up.

I was so mad! How could he have not told me! None of them had told me! Treating me like a damned kid again! I was furious! I had to find out from _Dallas_, of all people? I tried to call home again and nobody answered. I slammed the phone down. I realized this must have been what Darry and Kevin had been talking about and what Ben had been trying to tell me. I gave him credit for trying, at least. I grabbed the phone again and dialed Ben's house. No answer. Great, he was out getting himself killed too? Great.

I lay there for hours, alternating between extreme anger and worry. I could feel my body getting more and more tense, and the nurses came in quite a few times and frowned at the machines monitoring me. There was no way I was going to sleep until I saw all three brothers and knew they were all right.

After what seemed like hours, I heard yelling in the hallway and recognized it as Dallas. He was yelling, and I could tell something was very wrong. I thought I heard Ponyboy's voice, as well. He didn't sound right either. I couldn't stand it. I slid myself off the bed and ran for the door, breaking free of my tubes and wires and setting off a chorus of alarms. I realized immediately that my ankle and feet were not quite ready to bear my full weight and I went down hard, halfway in and halfway out of the door.

I looked down the hall and saw Dally yelling and hitting the wall. Ponyboy stood dazedly behind him. He was bleeding from his mouth and looked sick.

"Ponyboy!" I screamed and he turned and started to come toward me. Dallas took off around the corner, still ranting.

Pony stood in the hallway, swooning. "Johnny died," he said, looking through me. He looked like he was about to fall over, but he grabbed the hall railing and turned, starting to follow Dallas.

Nurses had come running when my alarms went off and now they were covering me, trying to get me up and put me back in the bed. All I wanted, however, was to get to Pony. I lashed out at the nurses and screamed. "Let me go! It's my brother! Let me go! He's sick!" My view of Pony was completely blocked by the nurses leaning over me. I could hear the doctors yelling at each other in their unintelligible doctor language. Dr. Bryant wasn't there, and I wished to God he had been. He would have let me go to Pony.

"Get a sedative ready, she's gonna hurt herself!" one of them yelled. I struggled against them, kicking and punching, yelling for Ponyboy and struggling to free myself with all I had until I felt a sharp pinch in my arm and everything quickly faded to black.


	34. The Aftermath

I woke up feeling sore all over again. Hazy memories of what had happened slowly worked their way into my mind. I woke up to see Darry sitting in the chair on the other side of the room.

"Darry?" I said. He jumped up.

I noticed he had a big bruise on his cheek. The rumble, I remembered.

"What does the other guy look like?" I asked.

Darry looked like he wanted to smile but something was off. He looked both sad and exhausted.

"Why are you way over there?" I asked.

He studied me, evaluating my ability to deal with his answer. "Your brother's in this bed," he motioned. I looked over and saw a motionless form on the other bed. I sat up.

"Which brother?" I asked.

"Pony."

"Is he OK? What happened to him?" I remembered now, seeing him the night before. "He said Johnny died?"

Darry came over to my bed and sat down. "He did, Scout. He died." I looked up at him, tears forming. He took my hand.

"I'm sorry Scout. He was just too hurt. He couldn't fight it. He died last night."

I couldn't believe it. Johnny, who just a few days ago had lay in the field with me and Pony and looked up at the stars. Gone. And just yesterday I had told my coach things were starting to feel normal again. Nothing was normal now.

"What's wrong with Pony? I just saw him last night, when he told me about Johnny. He looked sick."

"He was sick. According to Two-Bit, he was already sick before last night. Then he got himself kicked in the head pretty good at the rumble. Mostly he's exhausted. He hasn't slept since he got back and you were missing. The doctors say he just needs rest."

I remembered about how angry I had been.

"Why didn't anybody tell me, Darry? About the rumble? Somebody should have told me! I thought you said you were going to stop treating me like a little kid!"

"I told you, we didn't want to worry you. You were already in the hospital, we didn't want to make you worse. How'd you find out, anyway?"

"Dally was here. He told me." Darry's face drained and he looked sick.

"What, Dar?"

He looked at me, weighing my ability to handle another hard truth. "Scout, Dallas…"

"What? Is he in jail again?" I remembered the scene he had been making in the hall.

"No, Scout… he died too. He got shot." I guess after I had been just lecturing him about being truthful with me he figured he'd better just say it.

I was shocked. I felt like Darry had just slapped me. Johnny I could understand having died. Johnny was vulnerable, inherently susceptible to harm. But Dallas? I had always seen Dallas as invincible, almost super-hero-like. I had trouble imagining a bullet powerful enough to penetrate his steel exterior. Now I let the tears fall.

"What??? How? By who? He was here, with Pony, last night!"

"I know. He lost it, Scout, after Johnny… He knocked off a store and the cops chased him into the park. He pulled a gun on them, and they took him down. He wanted them to, baby. Losing Johnny was just too much for him to take. He wanted them to shoot him."

I could believe that. For some reason, Dally had loved Johnny like a brother. If he could have died to save Johnny, he would have. But he couldn't, so he got himself killed. In the end, Dallas Winston always got what he wanted.

"We tried to stop it. We did. But we didn't get there in time. That's when Pony collapsed."

I couldn't speak. I couldn't think of what to say. I could not imagine that so soon after losing my parents I would be feeling the loss of another two people I considered family. And poor Ponyboy, he had to see them both die, from how it sounded. I felt the hot tears streaming down my face, and could really do nothing to stop them.

Darry leaned in to hug me. "I know, baby. It's not fair."

"It isn't." I felt so robbed. Why did people I loved keep getting taken away from me? "When is this bad stuff going to stop, Darry? I just want everything to be OK. And every time I think it will be, something else bad happens. I can't take it any more."

"I know. It's hard on all of us. We just have to keep on going. It's all we can do, really."

I just sat there with my head on Darry's chest and him rubbing my back for a long time. In a way it felt like he needed to be holding on to me as much as I needed him.

Pony started mumbling something in the next bed and Darry and I both turned. He called Darry's name and Darry got up and went over to his bed.

"I'm right here, Pone."

"Darry? Mom? Where is everybody? Daddy?"

I looked at Darry, puzzled.

"He's been hallucinating," Darry said. "Sometimes he thinks Mom and Dad are here, or that he's still at the church with you and Johnny."

"Oh." That didn't sound good. Please, I begged, let Pony be OK.

A nurse appeared at the door, presumably coming to see what Pony's yelling was all about. She noticed me awake.

"I see our little escapee is awake… How're you feelin' Miss Scout?"

I felt a little sheepish, remembering how I had ripped out all my tubes and fought off the nurses. I vaguely remembered even trying to bite one.

"Yeah… sorry about that," I said. "I guess I was pretty worried about my brother,"

"And with good reason, it turns out," she said, motioning to the other bed. She went over to check on his IV, while he mumbled something about Algebra class and cole slaw.

Suddenly I realized there was a brother missing and I turned to Darry. "Where's Soda?" I asked. "Is he OK?"

"I sent him home with Steve. He's a mess. He needs sleep, and he wasn't getting any here. I don't think he's slept more than an hour a night since you and Pony went missing, then Sandy, and now Johnny and Dallas…"

"What happened to Sandy?" I asked.

"Nobody told you? She left, while you and Pony were gone. Went to live in Florida with her grandmother. One night they were out on a date, and everything was fine, and the next day she was gone. She just left Soda a letter. He was crushed."

"That's what I have been trying to tell you, nobody tells me anything!" I thought about how I had mentioned her name and he had ignored it. "I am always the last to know!"

"Another thing we can work on," Darry said.

I turned to the nurse, who had finished with Pony.

"I feel pretty good now. How much longer do I have to stay in here?"

"Well, we were hoping to have you walking on that leg tomorrow but since you took that into your own hands last night, we're going to have somebody come in this afternoon and see how you do with walking. You do OK and you might be out of here by tomorrow. Your infection's all cleared up."

I was so glad to hear that. It felt like a million years since I had been home.


	35. The Doctor

I did pretty well with the walking once they had taped up my ankle, and depending on how my bloodwork went, they said I could probably go home the next morning. Pony's prognosis was a little less certain. He was still hallucinating and to be honest, he was scaring me a little. He was talking as though Mom and Dad (and Johnny and Dallas) were still alive and I was hoping that he wasn't going to have to go through losing them all over again when he woke up.

Even though Pony had a different doctor, as soon as his doctor was gone, I asked to see Dr. Bryant and asked him lots of questions about Pony. From what he told me, it was really hard to know what he would be like when he woke up because part of what was happening was physical and part was emotional. I was surprised how blunt I was when I asked him whether he thought Pony really believed that our parents were still alive. I never before trusted a doctor so much as when he looked me straight in the eyes and said, simply:

"I hope not, Scout."

"Me too," I told him. "Do you think he can hear me?"

"Well, most medical studies on that say that yeah, he probably can."

"So… Dr. Bryant?"

"What could it be now, Miss Scout?" For some reason everyone in the hospital called me that.

"Any chance you would be willing to move this monster bed over there so I can talk to my brother?"

He was agreeable. "I don't think that conflicts with my medical judgment in any way," he said and smiled. Best doctor ever, I decided. He loosened up all my tethers and rolled my bed and monitors over so I could not only talk to him but hold his hand as well. I reached out and took it and was surprised when he responded.

"Scout?" he asked.

"It's me, Pony," I said. "I'm right here with you."

"You let me get the wood, OK? It's my job."

Dr. Bryant looked at me, puzzled.

"I can't explain it," I said, "you had to be there… but he's not crazy. He's talking about something that really happened."

Dr. Bryant just shook his head at me and turned to leave. "See you in the morning, Miss Scout," he said. "It's a good thing I have a little sister, or I might think _you_ were crazy." That explained a lot. He really could understand the relationship between my brothers and me.

Darry and Soda came back and smiled when they saw my bed pushed over to Pony's. Soda took the opportunity to hop right in, taking care this time to avoid compressing any tubes or wires and setting off any alarms.

"C'mon Darry. Hop in!" Soda loved to tease him.

"I'll pass," he said, though he sort of looked like he wanted to.

Pony started mumbling on about something none of us could understand. The orderly came in with our dinners and I ate while they tried to feed Pony. It was grilled cheese and tomato soup, and wasn't that bad as far as hospital food goes, but Pony refused adamantly.

"NO BALONEY." He said.

"What is with him?" Soda asked. "Why is everything baloney to him? And he always ate it before, anyway."

I pretty much lost my appetite as soon as he mentioned baloney.

"Ugh." I cringed.

"What?" Darry asked, turning to my bed.

"Baloney. That's pretty much all we ate at the church. That's why he hates it now. I had to eat gross smooshed baloney out of my pocket when I was lost in the woods too. I don't even want to hear the word."

"Well, that explains that," Darry said. " What else happened at that church? Anything we should know about?"

"Uh… poker, trying to catch rabbits, fighting, reading Gone With the Wind, looking at stars, cutting hair, smoking… well, not me smoking, and too much baloney."

"That's it?"

I thought about it. "Pretty much," I said. "You guys didn't miss much."

"We missed the two of you," Soda said, tugging on my ponytail. "And that was enough."

**A/N: Sorry about the short chapter. I'm trying to figure out if I should end "Reality," and start a new fic (a continuation, don't worry… the story continues…), because this many chapters is a little outrageous! Perhaps a few more chapters here then I'll start over with a new one.**


	36. The Homecoming

True to his word, Dr. Bryant greeted me the next morning with the good news that I was going home. I was torn; more than anything I wanted to be back home, sleeping in my own bed, listening to the familiar noise of too many boys in too small a space, but Pony was staying in the hospital and I felt bad leaving him there alone, especially as confused as he was. He still was talking as though all the people we had lost were still with us. He had been crying a little, too, the previous night, and I was glad that I had been close enough to hold his hand and whisper to him.

Darry and Soda had stopped spending entire days in the hospital- between that and all the work they had missed while Pony and I were gone, they couldn't afford to be taking any more time off. They didn't want to leave us, I could tell, but the doctors told them there was no reason for them to have to be there, and that all they were doing was keeping me up when I should be sleeping anyway. They would check in at the hospital with the doctors in the morning, head off to work and check back in again around dinnertime.

This morning, since I was going home, we had the added company of Two-Bit, who had volunteered to skip school so he could babysit me. He was extraordinarily pleased to have a good reason, which was funny because I never thought he cared about having a reason at all.

Before I left, I leaned over Pony's bed and whispered in his ear. "Bye, Pony. Come home soon, OK?" He didn't answer; he just shifted in his sleep. I hoped he wouldn't cry again, there would be nobody there for him now.

"Let's go, Scooter." Two-Bit couldn't wait to get out of there. He tolerated the hospital, when necessary, but everything about the place- the seriousness, the quiet, the sadness - was contrary to his nature. He wheeled me down the corridor in that wheelchair so fast that I had to close my eyes and hold on for dear life. Several people cautioned him to slow down, and he clipped at least two supply carts along the way.

"Two-Bit, you're not helping my chances of actually getting out of here if you involve me in a wheelchair crash," I said.

"Don't worry kid," he said. "You know I'm a great driver."

Two-Bit picked me up off the chair and plopped me into the front seat. "Are the brakes fixed?" I figured I shouldn't just assume.

"Of course. I'm gonna drive, okay? You've got a bad ankle."

I played along. "Okay, but just because of the ankle."

When we got to the house I hobbled up the walkway and felt a feeling of relief flood over me as I walked into the living room. It felt like I had been gone for a year, rather than just over a week. I realized how much I had missed home, and for the first time since my parents were gone, it truly _felt_ like home in the way that it always had before they died.

"Home sweet home," Two-Bit said, and I remembered Pony's words when we had stood before the abandoned church. I thought of Johnny and was surprised that I didn't cry at the thought. I wanted to ask Two-Bit about Johnny and Dally, when they would be buried, but I looked at him, already settled in front of the TV with a beer, and decided to save those questions for Darry rather than upsetting Two-Bit. If I was going to be spending the day with him, I didn't want to ruin his mood. I'm sure he was thinking about Dallas and Johnny too, but at least he was managing to put those thoughts to the back of his mind.

"C'mon, Scooter, come sit." He patted the couch cushion next to him. I thought about it.

"Actually, I'm just going to lie down for a while," I said. I just wanted to be alone. I hadn't been alone, really alone, since I was lost in the woods. I had a lot to think about.

"You've been layin' down for a week! Ain't you sick of it yet?"

"I guess not," I said. I went into my room and sat on the bed. Nothing had changed in there, yet it felt to me like everything had changed. Johnny and Dallas were gone, Pony and I were getting along better, Darry was talking to me like I wasn't a little kid anymore… I lay back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I had forgotten how comfortable my bed was. I heard a train whistle and wondered if that train would pass the area where the church had been… where I had last seen Johnny. I was thinking about that when I must have dozed off.

"Scooter, you okay? You're supposed to be all done with bein' sick." Two-Bit was leaning over my bed, his hand on my forehead.

"I'm not sick, Two-Bit," I said. "I just really missed my bed." I sat up and slid to the floor, wincing slightly as my ankle hit the ground.

"So, what's for lunch?" I asked. Two-Bit just laughed.

"Whatever you make," he said. "No room service at this place. You've been spoiled bein' in that hospital."

"Two-Bit, seriously? Spoiled? Did you see the food in that place?" I punched him good-naturedly in the stomach as I headed into the kitchen. It was pretty pathetic, since I am a lefty and that hand was in the cast, so I had to use my right.

I heated up some soup and made us sandwiches with some turkey I found in the refrigerator. There wasn't much else in there, and I realized that Soda and Darry had been with me at the hospital for just about every meal. I was a little concerned about the money situation, even though Darry had told me not to worry about it.

We sat around the living room for the rest of the afternoon, Two-Bit going on and on about things that had happened while I was gone, being careful to avoid any talk of Dally or Johnny. I was relieved to see Ben appear at the door after school; Two-Bit was overcompensating for my lack of anything to say by talking my ear off.

"Benjamin!" Two-Bit greeted him. "Come in, join us," he said. Ben came in, hesitantly.

"Don't worry, Ben," I said. "He's just bored out of his mind."

"Can you come out?" Ben asked.

"I don't see why not," I said, looking at Two-Bit, who had lost interest in Ben and was now fascinated by something on TV. I have never met anyone with a shorter attention span. Even Soda can focus on something longer than Two-Bit.

"I'll be in the yard," I said as I followed Ben out.

"No monkey business, Benjamin," Two-Bit called after us.

We sat down in the back yard in silence for a few minutes. I felt like so much had changed since the last time I sat there with him. I almost felt like a different person. When I looked up at him he looked different too. Older.

"I missed you," he said, finally. "I was really worried when you just disappeared like that."

"I'm sorry. I never meant to scare anyone," I said. "I never planned on going anywhere. I just went after Ponyboy."

"I know," he said. "I'm glad you're okay. You shoulda seen Darry that night. He thought you were at my house."

"He did?" Nobody had really told me how or when Darry had discovered I was gone.

"Yeah, he came bursting into my bedroom at three in the morning."

"What? What, he thought I was in your bed?" I started laughing.

"I guess all Two-Bit's nonsense started getting to him," Ben said, giggling. He and I lay on each other's beds all the time, but it was a little funny that Darry thought I was over there in the middle of the night.

I looked over at him and was surprised to find myself thinking of the last time we had lay next to each other. I felt something I hadn't felt toward him before. I liked Ben – I loved him, we had been friends since before I could remember, but whatever had changed in me while I had been gone had changed how I felt about him, too. I was shocked to think that I was, for the first time, seeing him as a member of the opposite sex.

He caught me staring at him, and I looked away, though I saw something like surprise in his eyes before our gazes shifted.

"Wanna play catch?" he asked, breaking the spell.

I just held up my cast.

"Oh yeah," he said. "Does it still hurt?"

"No," I said. "But the bone's not healed yet. Two more weeks."

"Oh. That's not too bad. When Kevin broke his ankle he had to have a cast for six weeks." Again I was thankful that my ankle injury had just been a sprain. I was already wondering how the wrist would impact my shooting in basketball. If I couldn't shoot, I would be useless to the team. I was too short to be much of a threat in any other way.

As we sat there I heard Darry's truck pull in and figured I'd better go see what the plan was, whether we were going to eat dinner at home and then go visit Ponyboy, or go see him first.

"I have to go check in with Darry and Soda," I said. "We have to go visit Pony."

"OK," Ben said. I got up and turned to leave.

"Hey Scout," he called as I was about to turn the corner.

"What?" I turned to see him staring after me, sitting where I had left him. Something tugged at my heart.

"It's nice to have you home."

**A/N: I think I am going to take Reality to 40 chapters, then start the next one, Complexity. I think I see a logical breaking point coming up. As always, thanks for reviewing! I try to reply to everyone who does, but when you don't log in it doesn't let me reply. Just so you don't think I'm ignoring you!**


	37. The Release

I went through the front door into the living room to find Two-Bit making up stories about what we had done all day.

"… yeah, so then I took her for a short ride in the country, we got some ice cream, then after that we took turns reading to each other from the New Yorker…"

"Shut up, Two-Bit," I said, throwing the couch pillow at him and turning to face Darry.

"He sat on his butt all day and watched TV while I took a nap. Then I made him lunch and listened to him talk my ear off until Ben came over and rescued me."

Two-Bit pouted and attempted to look hurt. "You just don't appreciate my stories," he said.

"Nice, Two-Bit, you couldn't even make lunch for her?" Soda tried to sound serious. "Some babysitter you are. You're fired."

"You ain't payin' me, so you can't fire me," he pointed out. Just then the phone rang. Darry went into the kitchen to get it, smacking Two-Bit on the head on the way by.

Soda came over and messed with my hair. Now that it was short it was always falling out of the elastics I used to tie it out of my face. "How're you feelin'?" he asked.

"I'm OK. Think you can convince Darry to let me go back to school tomorrow?" I asked, out of Darry's earshot.

"I don't know…" Soda looked skeptical. "Are you sure you're ready for that?" Dr. Bryant had recommended a few days off after I got home.

"If you make me stay home again, I want a new babysitter," I said. Two-Bit immediately grabbed me and flung me down on the couch, pinning me. I didn't even try to free myself, what with my wrist in a cast, and all.

"Let her go, Two-Bit," Darry said, coming back into the room. "That was the hospital." Two-Bit immediately released his hold on me. I wish I could get people to follow my orders like they do Darry's.

"Is Pony okay?" I asked, standing up, swatting away at Two-Bit behind my back.

"He's fine. They want to release him. They said there's nothing medically wrong with him anymore."

"Is he still hallucinating?" Soda asked.

"I don't know, but I guess we're gonna find out," Darry said. "Two-Bit, can you drive me? I don't want to hafta make him squeeze in the truck."

"Sure, Dar," he said.

"Soda, you stay here with Scout," Darry ordered. "There's no need for all of us to go. Start something for supper and if I'm not back yet, just go ahead and eat without me."

"OK," Soda agreed, though something in his tone was off.

"Scout, you go easy on that foot, hear me?"

"I will. Just go get Pony." I just wanted everybody home again. I didn't even realize how much I wanted it until I had said it. I ached for my family to be whole again, almost as much as when I lost my parents.

Two-Bit and Darry left, and, not long after, Soda surprised me by going out onto the porch and lighting up a cigarette. I was puzzled for a minute: Pony coming home was certainly good news, and I was home now… I guessed it must have been losing Dally and Johnny that was upsetting him, which was more than understandable. I went out on the porch after him. He was leaning against the railing, looking up at the sky. This was the Tulsa night sky that I remembered: hazy and indistinct, not anything like the sky I had seen at the church. Thinking of that only made me want Pony back home even more.

"Are you okay, Soda?" I asked quietly, not sure he wanted me out there with him.

"I don't know," he said, exhaling a cloud of smoke. "Come here." He gestured to me to stand next to him, and when I came over he gathered me in a sideways hug.

"I miss them too, Soda," I offered. "All of them." The fresh pain of losing Dallas and Johnny had only reopened the wound of losing our parents, for me, anyway.

"It sure does suck," he said, squeezing me tighter. We stood there like that for a moment, when suddenly I felt his body shaking and I was surprised to hear him crying. I pulled him over to the couch and sat him down so I could sit with him. He tossed his cigarette over the railing and when he sat down, I was stunned to find him burying his face in my neck and sobbing.

"Oh, Soda…" I said, rubbing his back. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't even pretend that I could make everything better. But it turned out I didn't really get it anyway, at all.

"I loved her," he whispered between tears. "I _loved_ her, Scout. Why did she leave me?" Sandy. I had forgotten all about her, and the fact that Soda was dealing with that on top of everything else.

"I don't know, Soda." This was awkward; I was practically rocking him in my arms, and he was way too big for me to be doing a very good job at it. "I don't know. It wasn't your fault, I'm sure." I wasn't, of course; I had no idea what had happened, but I had no idea what to say. To be honest, I hadn't known how much he cared about her. The boys had each other to talk to about girls; they never told me much of anything. All I know was that, besides losing our parents, I had never seen Soda so upset about anything. I definitely didn't feel very well-equipped to help him with the situation, either – what did I know about love? _That_ kind of love, anyway…

He pulled back and looked at me.

"I wanted to marry her, Scout. I told her that. After you and Pony got out of school, I wanted us to get married. I thought she wanted us to too. How could she just _leave_?"

I had no idea what to say, except that any girl who would run off on Soda must be out of her mind. I could only hope to find a guy as good as him, someday. I knew there were people out there who, because he was a dropout, just wrote him off as no good- but anyone who actually knew him would never think that. I didn't know Sandy all that well, but I started to wonder if I had misjudged her, by thinking she was real nice. I couldn't help but feel angry toward anyone who would hurt Soda like that.

"I don't know… Soda, I wish I knew." I just rubbed his back. He was starting to recover, he had stopped crying and I think he was feeling a little embarrassed. I don't imagine he had planned to open up to me about any of this.

"I'm sorry, Scout… I mean… this has nothing to do with you. You shouldn't have to put up with me like this."

"Actually, it does have to do with me, because you're my brother. You have to deal with me crying all the time." That wasn't true, I didn't really cry all that often, but it was certainly more than he did.

"I am really sorry, Soda. I don't know why anyone would hurt you." I didn't. "I know you were real good to her. You don't deserve to get treated like that."

"Look, don't tell Darry about this, okay? He has enough to deal with right now."

"I won't."

"Thanks. I really missed you Scout. You and Pony both."

"I missed you too." I hugged him again.

"Let's go make some dinner, before Darry gets back and starts barking at us." He pulled me up off the couch.

We had just finished with the American chop suey when we heard Two-Bit's car pull in. Soda and I ran out the front door in time to see Darry lifting Pony out of the backseat. He carried him through the door and into Pony's bedroom. I followed him in and saw Pony's eyes open as he lay on the bed.

"Hey Pony," I said. "Welcome home."

He looked at me but didn't answer. I looked questioningly at Darry.

"Sedatives," he said. "They want him to sleep through the night."

"But he's okay?" I asked, worried. I didn't like the blank look in his eyes.

"He's still confused, but he's okay," Darry said. "He just needs sleep. Soda, can you get him into bed?" Soda started pulling off his hospital gown and I went back in the living room. Darry followed me in.

"I'm gonna take off work to stay with him tomorrow," he said, resignedly.

"You don't have to Darry. I can stay with him." I wanted to, actually.

"You can't keep missing school, Scout."

"I don't get paid to go to school, Darry. I can make up the schoolwork. You're gonna make me do it, anyway. Ben already brought most of it home for me. I can work on it while I'm home with Pony."

"I really shouldn't take any more time off."

"You don't have to. I'll do it. Let me do something to help out, Darry. I want to."

He didn't argue with me, but he didn't agree either.

"I'll stay with them again, Darry," Two-Bit was more than happy to volunteer again, of course. I immediately threw another pillow at him, but he ducked and it hit the wall behind him.

"Well, let's see how he is in the morning. You guys make dinner?"

"Yeah," Soda said, coming back into the room. "Chop suey. You stayin, Two-Bit?"

"You ever know me to pass up a free meal?"

"Two-Bit," Darry said, "Someday you are gonna realize there's no such thing as a free meal."

____________________________

The next morning Pony was groggy but lucid enough that Darry agreed to let me stay alone with him. He was still talking some nonsense, but, for the most part, he just slept.

"Scout, you call Soda at the DX if Pony seems like he's getting worse. And I expect you to have most of that math done when I get home."

"I know, Darry. We're not treating me like a five year old anymore, remember?"

"Right," he actually almost cracked a grin as he headed out.

"Bye Scout. Call if you need me," Soda called back.

"I won't," I answered.

I wandered into Pony's room and sat at his desk while he slept. I worked on some of my math, but it seemed endless, and after a couple of hours I needed a break. Finding nothing better to do, I went into the kitchen and started to clean up. It was obvious that nobody had paid much attention to the housework while Pony and I had been gone. I gathered a week's worth of paperwork from the counter and picked it up to take over to the desk where Darry kept the bills until he sat down to pay them. Then I grabbed a bunch of beer and Pepsi bottles and carried them over to the trash. That was when I noticed the stack of newspapers that had been shoved into a bag between the trash and the wall. It was fairly obvious that Darry had not wanted them lying around for me to find. I pulled them out and sat at the table with them. There it was, laid out before me: the newspaper version of the entire week that Pony and I had been gone.

First I read the articles about the night in the park. Nobody had ever actually told me the whole story of what had happened that night; that Pony and Johnny had seen those guys earlier in the night at the movies. I didn't know there were other people who were going to be testifying, either. It made me angry how the newspaper made out the victim- Robert, it turned out, had been his name- to be a fine, upstanding young man, while Pony and Johnny were characterized as lowlife hoods out looking for trouble. I had been there- I knew the truth. Pony and Johnny were just minding their own business- it had been the Socs looking for a fight. They had been the staggering drunks.

The more I read, the angrier I got. The next day's paper talked about how now _I_ was missing too, and Social Services would be reviewing our case to determine whether custody had been mistakenly granted to an unfit guardian. I kept reading and was fuming by the time Two-Bit walked in the door at eleven-thirty. Apparently he had decided to sleep in. He froze in the doorway when he saw me at the table.

"What the hell are you doing, Scooter? You're supposed to be doing homework."

"Have you read this bull, Two-Bit?" What the hell is wrong with these newspaper people? They think Darry's not good enough for us?" He realized immediately that he had come upon me in a dangerous mood.

"Darry doesn't want you reading that, Scout." He stepped toward me.

"Why? What's really going on here, Two-Bit? Are they gonna take me away from Darry? And Pony too? Both of us?"

Two-Bit was a deer in the headlights.

"Answer me, Two-Bit! What is going on with this?"

"I don't really know. Darry doesn't tell me that much."

"Well whatever you DO know, you're gonna tell _me_, right now. This is _about_ me, Two-Bit! I deserve to know!"

"They came to the hospital."

"Social services?"

"Yeah. To talk to Darry. While you and Pony were both there."

"What did they want?"

"I really don't know. I swear. He wasn't happy about it though."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"I'm telling you now."

"Cut it out, Two-Bit, I'm serious! They might split us up and nobody was going to mention it? When were you all going to tell me, when the police car pulled up to take me away?" I was starting to really yell now.

Two-Bit came over to the table and folded up the papers, taking them away from me. "Look, I don't know the whole story. Only Darry does. But I do know that what they write in the newspaper isn't always the truth. And you're plenty smart enough to know that, too. It ain't worth getting all worked up about."

I did know that. I was more upset about Darry not being straight with me than what I had read in the paper, actually. I guess I should have figured that Social Services would get involved, eventually; I just figured I'd be part of it when it happened. Just after our parents died, we had met with the agency, both separately and together, and they had agreed to Darry's guardianship without too much debate. Since then they had come around the house a few times to check up on us, but things had been going pretty smoothly, so they hadn't had much to complain about.

Now, however, things were clearly different. Pony and I had been missing for a week, we were witnesses to a murder, and two of our best friends were dead. I was the first to admit, things didn't look good.

"This is bullshit, Two-Bit!" I couldn't seem to calm down. "Darry's just as good of a guardian as our parents were! None of what happened with me and Pony was his fault!"

"I know," he said. He put his hand on my shoulder in a failed attempt to calm me down.

"So what happens now? When are they coming back?"

"There's a court hearing…"

"_When_, Two-Bit?"

He hesitated. "Friday."

"In _three days_? Why didn't anybody tell me about this? God, what do I have to do to get somebody to talk to me around here?" I could feel my control slipping away.

Darry was lucky to be at work where I couldn't reach him by phone because if I could have, I would have laid into him right then and there, even harder than when I heard about the rumble. Lucky for him, Two-Bit was around to take one for the team. I'm not sure Two-Bit had ever seen me as angry and upset as I was right then. It was as though somebody had pressed a button to release the pressure on an air tank: everything that I had been holding in came out in a jumbled rush of emotion- exploding, unfortunately, onto Two-Bit. I started yelling, kicking, even grabbing things and throwing them. He tried to restrain me the best he could, though he took more than a few good hits for his trouble.

"It's not fair. It's not fucking fair, Two-Bit. Why does all this have to keep happening to us?" I was lashing out with everything I had at him, just because I needed a target for my anger. I was half-crying, half-screaming and I remembered Pony, at the church, after Johnny cut his hair. I was acting in the same irrational manner and, while I realized how pointless it was, I didn't care. I just didn't care. I yelled and cried until finally, much to his relief, I'm sure, I just had nothing left. I sat on the couch and pulled myself into a ball and cried, quietly. He sat beside me but didn't attempt to comfort me. He just gave me my space.

"I'm sorry, Two-Bit," I said, eventually. "You know it's not you I'm mad at."

"I know," he said, apprehensively, not sure if I was going to go off on him again. "And you're damned right, kid. It _isn't_ fair."

"They can't split us up. They can't. It's the worst thing they could do."

"I know."

I finally looked up to see him looking at me. He was bleeding from a cut on his chin. I reached up to wipe the blood away.

"Your cast," he said, motioning to my hand. I could see blood on my cast where I must have hit him. I couldn't have felt worse.

"Sorry," I said again.

"That's OK. I'm glad I was here for that instead of Darry. You falling apart like that isn't gonna help anything. He's trying the best he can."

I thought about what he said and knew he was right.

"You know, he's not trying to keep stuff from you because he thinks you're a kid. It's just how he is. He feels like he has to be the one to take everyone's troubles and fix them. He just doesn't want anyone else to have to worry. It's how your folks were, too."

I didn't answer, though I knew he was right. I was exhausted, and suddenly it occurred to me that even through the commotion of my tantrum, Pony hadn't woken up.

"I'm gonna go check on Pony," I said. Two-Bit just nodded.

_____________

Pony lay still on his bed, breathing lightly and evenly in that way that indicates the deepest kind of sleep. I sat down on the bed and looked at him. We were different people to each other now than we had been just a few weeks ago. Finally I pulled back the covers and slid into the bed next to him.

He stirred. "Soda?"

"No, Pony. It's me."

"Scout…" He didn't sound disappointed. He threw his arm over me and settled back into sleep.

They can't spilt us up, I prayed. They can't.

**A/N: Longest one in a while… Wouldn't you rather everyone fall apart **_**before **_**the court hearing than during it, though? Thanks for reviewing, as usual!**


	38. The Injustice

I woke up to the sound of the door slamming. I realized it was raining out and I heard four thumps as Darry and Soda both took off their shoes inside the front door, and then a louder one as Darry dropped his tool belt. Their voices wafted in from the living room and I could tell by his tone of his voice that Two-Bit was telling Darry about my breakdown. I glanced at Pony, who was sleeping as soundly as ever, and tried to hear the conversation.

"…I didn't tell her, Darry. She found the newspapers. She was reading them when I came in."

"Shit. I thought I took those out to the trash. What did she say she was upset about?" It didn't sound like Darry was mad at Two-Bit, at least.

"You know, you saw what they wrote- that shit about social services and all…you not being a good guardian..."

"Did you tell her about the hearing?" Darry sounded a little worried. I wondered if he was worried about me knowing or about me finding out about it from someone else.

"I had to, Darry. She wanted to know. She asked." Two-Bit knew he could have lied about telling me, and I would have covered for him, but, for the most part, we all just have too much respect for Darry to lie to him.

"So'd she do that to your face?" Now he sounded slightly amused.

"Yeah, I tell ya, you put a cast on that kid and she's a weapon. I took it like a man, though. I ain't such an old greaser that I can't handle a twelve year old."

"Yeah, well, 's long as you didn't hit back."

"Jesus Darry, I ain't gonna hit a fuckin' kid, or a girl, neither. She wasn't really hittin' me anyway, in her eyes. Just hittin'. She's mad. And I don't blame her, all the shit you all keep havin' to go through."

"Yeah, I know." Darry got quiet and I had to strain to hear him.

"You all set here now?" I didn't blame Two-Bit for wanting to get the hell out of there. This place was just a ticking timebomb of emotion, lately.

"Yeah, thanks for staying with them. You're not gonna stay for dinner?"

"Nah, not if there's gonna be drama. I had enough for today. See you tomorrow, though?"

"Right. I'll see you there."

I heard the door slam as Two-Bit left and then Darry and Soda's voices as they talked in the kitchen. I figured there was really no point in putting off facing Darry, so I slid out from under Pony's arm and walked out toward the kitchen. I had come out with no shoes on, so they didn't hear me coming. I was standing in the doorway for a full minute or so before they noticed me. They were talking about the hearing.

"It's not like you weren't gonna have to tell her, Dar. I mean, Christ, it's not like you could keep it from her, she has to _be_ there. Hey, and at least this way she beat up Two-Bit instead of you. She probably saved some for us though." Soda seemed pretty amused with the thought of me hitting Two-Bit.

"I'm done. I'm not going to hit anybody." Both of them turned around, surprised to hear me. Darry came over to me.

"So I hear you took it upon yourself to clean Two-Bit's clock this afternoon."

"I guess so. I didn't mean it. I was pretty upset."

"I know. He knows, too. He's not mad at you about it."

"That's good," I did feel kinda bad.

"I'm sorry about the newspapers. I meant to get rid of them. There's no point in you reading that crap. What they decide to write is usually a pretty far cry from the truth."

"Then why'd _you_ read it?" I asked.

"In case there was anything that could help us find you. All we wanted was to find you two. We knew Dallas had something to do with Pony and Johnny being gone, but we really had no idea where you were. We were grasping at straws to figure out where you were."

"So, now that I'm found, is it true? What the paper said? Are they going to take us away from you?"

"I don't know," Darry said. "Not if I can do anything to stop it."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Darry. That's what makes me so mad. You take good care of us. Those people, they don't even know us. How can they think they know what's best for us?"

"There's no making sense of it, baby," Soda said from in front of the far counter, where he was mixing the ingredients for a meatloaf. "It doesn't _make_ any sense. Even for smart kids, like you." Pony and I both hated it when Soda called himself dumb. He was as smart as any of us, just in different ways. Smarter than us in some, as well.

"So how was Pony today?" Darry asked, peeking around the corner to check on him.

"He slept all day. But he knew who I was when I went in there…," I said, "you know… after I beat up Two-Bit." I giggled a little. I was starting to see a little humor in it; I must have looked ridiculous. Poor Two-Bit, stuck trying to hold me back from breaking something. If it wasn't for the cast, I'm sure I wouldn't have hurt him. Like I've said before, Two-Bit is far stronger than he looks. He probably wasn't even holding me back as strongly as he could have, because that might have hurt me even more. I knew from seeing him wrestle with the boys that he had a grip like a bear trap. He could leave bruises when things got real rough between them. He hadn't been holding me that tight, really. Just enough so I wouldn't do any real damage.

Darry laughed. "Yeah, well, he needs someone to put him in his place from time to time, anyway," he joked. "Soda, you all set with that?" he asked, pointing his chin at the meatloaf.

"Well, a few more secret ingredients and…" he started.

"Stick to the recipe, 'kay buddy?" Darry said. "Scout, come in here." He called me into the living room, and sat me down next to him on the couch.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the hearing sooner," he said. "I was going to tell you and Pony both, as soon as things calmed down."

"I just hate finding out about this stuff from other people, Darry. Just tell me stuff when you know, OK? I know you don't want me to worry, but you have to give me some credit."

"I know Scout. I'm trying. I am."

"I know," I admitted. Two-Bit had been right – it was really hard for Darry to let anyone else shoulder a burden that he could take on himself. I guess he just always held out hope that he would be able to work things out without having to get us involved. Unfortunately, when that didn't work out, things tended to get sprung on us at the last minute.

"They won't make Pony go if he's… like this, will they?"

"No. But you'll still have to go."

"Are you gonna come?"

"What? God, of course! I'm not sending you off to court by yourself! Soda will be there too. We all have to talk."

"OK… but...so, is this about us? I mean, our family? Or is it about that kid in the park?"

"A little bit of both," Darry said. "You're not in any trouble for the stuff in the park, but they are trying to make it look like because of that, you and Pony shouldn't be able to stay with me."

"None of it was your fault Darry. You weren't even there."

"I hit Pony, Scout. That's what started everything." There was a tangible sadness in his voice.

"That's not fair, Darry. Why can't they see that? It's like everybody else in the world is allowed to make mistakes, except for us. It's like punishing us because of what happened to Mom and Dad. Are they gonna take away that dead kid's brothers and sisters from their parents because he was out drunk looking for a fight? I bet not! But we get punished because we don't have Mom and Dad, we have you, and the stress of having to take care of us got to you, just one time. We're not even bad kids, me and Pony! What about all the good stuff you do for us?"

"I guess they just don't see it that way, baby. But you getting mad and hitting people isn't going to help things go our way. And no, you're not bad kids. At all."

"I know, Darry. But it's not right."

"Well, I agree. But, unfortunately, we don't decide.

"Well that's stupid."

He looked at me, smiled, and asked: "So, do you want to beat me up now?"

"No," I laughed.

"I mean it, Scout. Open season on Darrel Curtis, right now. Opposing football teams live for this." He spread out his arms, leaving his torso wide open. Even if I did punch him he probably hardly would have felt it. He was solid as a rock.

"No, Darry," I said, shoving my open hand against his chest playfully. "I didn't want to hit Two-Bit either. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"I'll hit you," Soda offered from the doorway, and we both laughed.

"Forget it," Darry said. "You missed your chance." I saw an opening and dug into his sides to tickle him. Soda followed my lead and the two of us had him on the ground in a second. We were no match for him, though, and within a minute or so he had us both pinned helplessly on our backs.

"Go check on dinner," he said, poking us both in the nose, "I'm gonna go see about Pony."

Soda pulled me up and we scampered into the kitchen. The meatloaf was almost done so I set the table. Darry came in and joined us.

"That kid is OUT," he said. "I'm gonna try to wake him up after dinner. He has to eat something soon or he's gonna end up back in the hospital."

We ate surrounded by what almost felt like normal conversation, except that Pony wasn't there. Soda talked about the girls that came for gas at work, and Darry complained about his lazy coworkers. Anybody who couldn't accomplish twice as much work as the average man in a day was, in Darry's opinion, lazy. After dinner, Darry went and sat in Pony's room and checked over the math I had done that morning. I could get really careless, just because I thought it was so boring. Finally Pony woke up and Darry came into the kitchen to get him some soup. He handed me my math paper to fix the stupid mistakes he had caught.

"He's gonna eat?" I asked.

"He says he'll try," Darry said.

I poked my head in his door. Soda was lying next to Ponyboy on the bed. I could see in Soda's eyes how much he had missed him.

"Hey Pone," I said.

"Hey," he looked up at me.

"Home sweet home," I said, winking at him. He smiled, and I knew he remembered. I went back into the kitchen and, soon after, Darry returned with most of the soup.

He looked up at me. "They fell asleep."

"Soda really missed him," I said.

"I know. He cried every night you guys were gone." I didn't tell Darry about Soda crying the night before. He had Pony back now, so maybe he wouldn't feel so lonely anymore.

We sat at the table for a minute without saying anything. Then, finally, I decided to ask.

"Darry, what happened to Dally and Johnny? Are they getting buried?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow. Just a burial, though, no funeral. Their families wouldn't pay for it. We couldn't do it for them, either, baby. We just don't have the money."

"I know. They wouldn't have wanted us to anyway." I knew both Dally and Johnny would have wanted us to save the money to keep our family together. We were the only real family they ever had. There was no sense in us falling apart because of them.

"Do you wanna come?" he asked, hesitantly. "I can't let Pony. He's not ready for it… I'm not sure he could handle it. But if you want to come, you can. I'll get someone else to stay with Pony."

I was torn. I felt like I should go. Johnny and Dallas had been practically brothers to me. But Pony really _was_ my brother, and I didn't want to leave him. I couldn't think of who Darry would even get to stay with him. Everyone else would want to be there, at the burial. I'm sure that's what Two-Bit had meant when he said he would see him tomorrow.

"I'll stay with Pony. But maybe you could take me – to where they are… later?" I just wanted to say goodbye. My last moments with both Johnny and Dallas were etched in my mind, but they weren't closure. Dally… his eyes wide with anticipation of the rumble, and Johnny… sleeping peacefully in the church… That wasn't goodbye. I had to squeeze my eyes shut tight to keep the tears from coming.

"I can do that. You tired, baby?" Darry asked.

"I guess," I said. "But…can I just watch TV with you for a while?"

He agreed and I leaned over on the couch. He watched the news while I just lay against his leg. I knew I would fall asleep but I didn't care. I still was just so grateful to be home.

Finally he shut off the TV and it awakened me.

"Scout…" he said. "Can you get up?"

I sat up, half asleep, and he half-walked, half-pushed me into my bedroom. He pulled down the sheets and I slid in.

"Night, baby," he said.

"Dar?" I said.

"Yeah, babe?"

"I'm really glad we're all back home," I said.

"Me too," he said, with a tinge of sadness. I know we were both just hoping it would last.


	39. The Eve

I stayed home with Pony again the next day. He was awake and mostly with it, though I was careful not to talk about Johnny or Dallas at all. He just thought that Darry and Soda were at work, so I didn't have to mention anything about the burial. It was a grey day; not so much rainy as just plain gloomy, the kind of day that seemed entirely fitting for burying two lost souls like Dallas and Johnny. I imagined the gang at the cemetery, watching their caskets get lowered just as we had with my parents. Part of me wished that I was there as well, but I was glad, too, to be home with Ponyboy. Even as out of it as he had been, we were getting along better than ever, and we took turns doing each other's homework. This we had done even when we weren't getting along that well, and we had each other's handwriting down pat. He did my Math and History and I did his Biology and French. We each did our own English. By the time Darry and Soda got home we had nearly the whole week's worth done, and Darry was really impressed with us.

"Maybe we should just do all our schoolwork at home, and not bother with school at all any more," Pony suggested. That sounded fine to me.

"Nice try," Darry said. "You're both going back next week." I don't think Pony or I were too thrilled with the idea. It felt to me like I hadn't been to school in months. I was definitely not looking forward to going back, after having been in the papers and all.

"Yeah? We still get tomorrow off, though, huh?" Pony was trying to be funny, but both Darry and I froze and looked at each other. We realized our mistake and tried to play it off, but, even after his recent lack of clarity, Pony was on to us in a second.

"What?" he asked. "What's up with tomorrow?"

I moved over from the desk where I had been sitting and sat down on the bed. Soda must have heard the change in the tone of the conversation, as he suddenly appeared in the doorway, too.

I had assumed Pony was still not coming with us.

"Pony…" Darry started, "We have to go to court tomorrow."

"He has to go, too?" I asked.

"Now that he's awake and alert, yeah, he does," Darry told us.

"Why? For what?" Pony looked terrified.

"About us," Darry said. He hesitated and I knew he was deciding whether or not to tell Pony the truth. "They're thinking about splitting us up. Because of everything that's happened." Soda came over and sat with me and Pony on his bed.

"That's not fair, Darry," Pony said. "It's not right. None of what happened had anything to do with you, or us being a family."

Soda put his hand on Pony's shoulder and rubbed. "Don't worry Pony. We'll just make them see. We're all gonna go together."

"I don't like it," Pony said. "We shouldn't have to prove anything to anybody. We're doing good. Soda likes his job, and Scout and I are doing a good job with school… You saw what we did today. We did a week's worth of schoolwork in a day, Darry."

"Yeah, I know. And I know you shared it, too, as usual." Pony and I glanced at each other but didn't say anything.

"Look," he continued. "I wish we didn't have to go tomorrow but that's how it goes. I don't get to decide what the court makes us do. All we can do is tell them the truth and hope they see that we should stay together."

"We gotta stick together," Soda said. "No matter what."

We all sat there in silence for a minute or so until I had an inspiration.

"Hey, Darry, it's Thursday. Can we get pizza?" We hadn't been for our usual Thursday at Angelo's since before Pony and I were gone. I was dying to talk to Anna and I knew that Darry wouldn't pass up a chance to see Alison, either. I shot Soda a sideways glance to get his support.

"That sounds good. I'll stay here with Pony and you and Scout can go get it." Soda obviously got the message.

"That OK with you, Pony?" Darry asked. I would have killed him if he said no.

"That sounds real good, actually," he said.

Darry stood up. "OK, Scout. Wanna go?" I jumped up. I was going to challenge him to a race to the car but I forgot about my ankle. I pulled up short and Darry glared down at me.

"Baby, you wanna keep playing basketball, you gotta go easy on that."

"Right," I said. I hobbled out the door after him, and he helped me into the truck.

The ride there was quiet, at first.

"Are they gonna make Pony talk about what happened?" I asked. I was worried he wouldn't be able to handle it.

" I hope not. I get to talk to the judge first, let him know about what's going on with him," Darry said. "And everyone."

"So… what are you going to tell him about me?" I asked, looking at him.

He pulled up to a red light and looked back at me as he downshifted.

"Only good things," he said. "That you do well in school, that you're good at basketball, and that you pitch in around the house… and that Pony and Soda need you and me as much as we need them." I couldn't help but smile up at him. He got it.

"Do I get to talk to him about you?" I asked.

"I don't know," he admitted. "Why, what would you say?"

"That you're a big handsome football star and we have to drive all the girls away with a stick!" I joked.

"Then no, you don't get to talk," Darry laughed.

We pulled up and parked almost directly in front of the pizzeria. I peeked in the window and saw Anna and Alison talking with another waitress behind the counter. I was relieved to see that they weren't that busy; maybe Ali and Darry could get some time alone. Usually the day waitress was gone by then.

I walked in first and Alison saw me and waved, but as she saw Darry come in behind me her face lit up. She called through the kitchen window and as Darry and I walked up to the counter Mr. Harvey came out from the back.

He grabbed me up in a hug. "Scout! I am so glad to see you back! And you look great!"

"Thanks, Mr. Harvey." He turned immediately to Darry.

"Alison has told me about all you've been going through. I'm so glad to see you back."

"Well, Pony and Soda are stuck at home, but we all wanted our Thursday night pizza. So they sent Scout and me out for it."

"Well, we can take care of that," Mr. Harvey said. "That'll be the usual?"

"Yeah," Darry smiled. "And throw in an extra order of French fries? We're trying to get Pony to eat."

"No problem," he smiled. "Alison, as long as Susan is still here, why don't you take Darry and Scout upstairs to wait? I have a feeling he's had enough of waiting rooms lately."

"Susan's the day girl," Ali said. "Her Dad's car broke down, so she's stuck here 'til seven when her brother can get her," she explained.

Anna and I looked at each other like we couldn't believe our luck.

"Come on!" Anna yelled, and led me to the stairs to the upstairs apartment. I had never been in her apartment before. Darry and Ali followed us up.

"So… welcome to our house," Alison said when we all got upstairs. It was actually very similar to our house, the way it was set up, but just on the second floor. Anna pulled me into her room while Darry and Alison sat on the couch in the living room.

"So… how is it being home?" Anna asked, after she had shut her door.

"Different," I said. "Everything feels different."

"Different, how?" She asked.

"Well, It's hard to say. Pony and I get along so much better. Soda, I think… trusts me more (I didn't tell her about his crying to me), Darry and I get each other better… even Ben seems different."

"Ooooh, Ben?" She had always been obsessed with my relationship with Ben. She had no close boy friends.

"Shut up, Anna," I said. " I don't think it's like that."

"You don't _think_…" she said.

"I don't know," I said. "It just seemed different with him, after I got back. Like, I never saw him as a boy before. But suddenly… I don't even know."

"He's so cute, Scout!" she gushed.

"Is he?" I really didn't know. I knew him forever; I couldn't judge him objectively.

"He's _really_ cute," Anna said. "You don't think so?"

"I can't tell," I said. "He's just Ben to me. I can't even see what he looks like."

"He looks good," Anna said. "You should kiss him."

"_What?_" I hadn't been thinking that. But I did consider it, once she said it. For a first kiss, Ben would be safe. He probably wouldn't reject me, at least.

"Whatever, Anna," I dismissed it, to her face, though I entertained the thought, privately. It sounded a little interesting, actually.

"You think they're kissing?" Anna asked, motioning to the living room.

"I hope so," I said, meaning it. Lord knew, Darry needed some distraction.

"So what are you gonna wear to court tomorrow?"

I hadn't given it a second's thought. "I have no idea," I admitted.

"Want to borrow something?" Anna was way more into clothes than I was. I had to laugh, though, since she was, easily, three sizes bigger than I was.

"I would never fit in your clothes," I said.

"I have stuff that's too small for me." She thought for a minute. "I know exactly the thing," she said, running to the closet. She dug through the back of her closet and dug out a skirt and sweater set that did look like it might fit me, and, I had to admit, was probably exactly what Social Services would want me to be wearing. It was conservative, almost Soc-looking. "This is perfect," she said.

"You don't mind?" I asked.

"Are you kidding? That'll never fit me again! I'll go through my closet later and you can have all the stuff that doesn't fit me anymore."

"That's really nice, Anna, but you don't have to."

"I want to, Scout. Otherwise I'd just be throwing it away."

I didn't know what to say. I wasn't sure if Darry would mind me taking it, if he would consider it charity and be mad… but I did want to look my best in court. Every little bit helped, I guessed.

"Well, OK Anna, but only because it's too small for you anyway."

Just then we heard Alison and Darry burst out in laughter from the living room. We were about to open the door to spy on them when Mr. Harvey called up to all of us:

"Curtis Family order up!"

"Okay, Dad. We'll be right down," Alison answered. Anna and I came out to find Ali and Darry standing up from the couch, holding hands. Darry looked more relaxed than he had when we came over. I remembered that he had promised me he'd take her out on a real date when I was in the hospital.

After we were in the truck, the pizzas hot against my lap, the bag containing Anna's outfit at my feet, I reminded him of that promise.

"Darry, you told me in the hospital that you'd take Ali out on a real date."

"Oh, you were conscious for that?" he joked.

"Come on, Darry. You deserve some fun," I said. "So does she. Take her out. Please?"

"You know what, Scout? Let's see how court goes tomorrow. Then we'll talk about it." I could tell he was really nervous about the hearing.

"OK," I agreed. I was trying to ignore how nervous I was, too.

______________

Soda and Pony were both outside smoking on the porch when we got back. Darry looked surprised but didn't say anything. I wondered if Soda had told Pony about Sandy. I hoped so. And I hoped Pony was more comfort than I had been, though I don't think he knew too much about love either. He never seemed interested in girls.

"What took you two? We're starving," Pony called out to us.

"Well, that's good to hear, coming from you," Darry said.

"Darry needed some time with his honey," I said. He smacked me playfully on the head. He started to chase me but remembered I couldn't run, so he called Soda over to get the pizza and piggybacked me into the house.

We all sat together around the kitchen and ate pizza and picked on each other. It felt so close to how we had related to each other before any of the hard things had happened to us – Mom and Dad dying, Pony and me being gone- that I couldn't believe it could all get messed up again, just because somebody who didn't even know us thought Darry wasn't doing a good job.

More than most kids my age, I knew how much things could change in just one night. So, as I lay in bed, having said goodnight to my brothers, I hoped more than anything that the next night it would still be the four of us sitting down to dinner together.

It had to be.

**A/N: Sorry, kinda boring... just taking care of some details here. Next chapter will wrap up "Reality." Please review!**


	40. The End

I was the first one awake the next morning, though I am not sure it is really fair to say that, since I never actually fell asleep. I just wanted the day to be over with, so I started it as soon as possible. Of course, I wanted the court to decide in our favor, but what was most difficult of all was the not knowing part. I got out of bed, showered, got dressed, and was in the kitchen starting breakfast before Darry even emerged from his bedroom. He clearly had not expected it to be me in the kitchen – he probably figured it would be Soda.

"This is rare," he said, looking things over.

"I just woke up early." I really had no good explanation.

"You look nice," he said, coming over to the stove and stealing a piece of bacon. "Where'd you get those clothes?"

"Anna gave them to me… They're too small for her," I tried to gauge his reaction but got nothing. "Is that okay?"

"It's fine," he said. "The judge will love it."

"Well, that's the idea," I said.

"It'll be okay, Scout," he said, pulling me against him.

"You don't know that," I said, feeling tears coming but fighting them back.

"You're right," he said, "I don't. But I'm gonna think it until someone tells me otherwise."

I guessed that was probably as good a coping mechanism as any. It was certainly better than mine, which was, at the time, sheer panic and despair.

"Want me to get the boys up and send them in to help?" he asked.

"No, just let them sleep." I wished I were still sleeping. I wished all of us could still be sleeping, peacefully, under the same roof, forever. I was terrified that the next night I would be in a strange bed somewhere, separated from all the people I loved more than anything.

"Alright then, I'm gonna get a shower, then I'll help you out."

"Don't worry about it, Darry, I got it." I didn't usually make breakfast, because I'm not usually awake, so I guess he was worried I would mess it up.

I was surprised to hear the front door open and someone come in as I was cooking. I figured it was Two-Bit or Steve so I didn't even look up. Therefore, I was surprised to hear Ben's voice in the kitchen doorway.

"Scout?" I turned around to see him dressed for school leaning against the kitchen wall.

"Hey…" I was so surprised to see him. I didn't know if he thought I was going back to school or what.

"Soda told me yesterday that you guys have court today?" he sounded sad.

"Yeah."

"You look real nice," he gestured to my clothes.

"Thanks." I could feel the tears starting to rise again and I turned away. I heard him come up behind me, and felt his hand on my shoulder.

"It'll be okay, Scout," he said, trying to turn me around.

"Everybody keeps telling me that," I said, "but nobody knows for real." I finally turned around to face him and didn't care that I was crying.

"Believe me, I want you guys to stay together as much as you do," Ben said. I knew he meant it, too.

"I know," I admitted, "but I'm scared. Somebody who doesn't even know us gets to decide what happens."

"It's not fair," he agreed. "I wish I could do something."

"I know you do," I said, putting my hand on _his_ shoulder. "Thanks for coming over. You better go, though, you're gonna be late." Just as I said it, I heard Kevin honk the horn.

"Just… Good Luck." Ben reached out to hug me and I was shocked as he kissed me on the cheek, then was gone out the door before I could react.

I stood frozen for a second before turning back to the stove to deal with my bacon, which was now starting to burn. I grabbed it with my fingers and tossed it on to a plate as Darry came back in from the shower.

"Don't worry, baby, we all like it crispy anyway."

I couldn't figure out how he could be so happy, knowing that within a few hours everything in our family could change, yet again. He went into his bedroom and shut the door. I heard either Pony or Soda start the shower, and I took the first pan of eggs out and started on the second. I swear, our grocery bill would be halved if I had older sisters, instead of three boys.

Darry came out of his room looking more well-dressed than I had seen him since the first time we went to Angelo's. I think he had even ironed again. He grabbed a plate and helped himself to half of the eggs I had cooked. I didn't care; I knew I wouldn't be able to eat anyway.

"You look handsome," I said.

"Thanks," he said, chuckling.

"I think it's stupid that we have to dress up all fake for them," I said.

Darry looked up from his eggs. "I agree. But it's just how it is."

Moments later Soda and Pony came in, both of them as well-dressed as Darry. Soda whistled at me and squeezed my shoulder.

"You look cute," he said.

"Will me looking cute convince them to let me stay with you?" I asked.

"I hope so," Soda said, hugging me from behind.

"This is ridiculous," Pony said, grabbing a plate and slamming it down on the table.

Darry looked up at him. "Look, Pony, you having a bad attitude about it is only going to hurt our chances of staying together. So if you want to be a pain in the ass around here, fine, but you better flip the switch on that once we get to court. You and Scout staying with us could depend on it."

"I know," he mumbled as he pushed his eggs around on his plate. "I just hate this. All of it." I hoped he would be able to get it together.

It was Soda's week for the dishes but we just left them in the sink, for later. We got ready to leave and I found myself hesitating at the front door. I didn't want to leave. I was so afraid that in just a few hours somebody would be telling me to pack my bags, and the only home I had ever known would no longer be mine. Darry must have sensed what I was feeling, because he came over and sat on the arm of Dad's chair and called me over.

"Scout, you know that no matter what happens, no matter what they decide, You are always gonna be a part of the family. Nobody can change that."

"I want to stay with you."

"I want you to. But if that doesn't happen, I'll still be your brother. That's permanent."

I had no more words for what was happening. I just hugged him.

"Let's go," I decided, and finally I broke away from his grip. He stood up.

"Come on, Pony," he called. Soda was already outside.

_______________________

Pony and I climbed up into the cab and Soda sat in the bed for the ride to the courthouse. Nobody said a word on the ride over. I sat between Darry and Pony and tried to absorb the feel of having my brothers surrounding me. I even felt like, through the metal of the cab, I could feel Soda leaning up against me. I glanced over my shoulder at him, in the back, and suddenly wished I hadn't, because I saw tears streaming down his face. I turned around quickly and stared straight ahead for the rest of the ride.

By the time we arrived at the courthouse, there was no trace of worry on Soda's face. I know he had never wanted any of us to see him crying. He hopped out of the back and pulled first Pony, then me down from the cab. Darry walked around and we all met in front of the truck. I saw Darry glance at his watch.

Scout, Pony, you two gonna be okay?" I'm not sure what his plan would have been if we had said no, but we both nodded. I don't know about Pony, but I was flat-out lying.

"Just answer their questions the best you can, okay?" he continued. "That's all they expect. You make Mom and Dad proud, okay?"

Why on Earth he had to say that, I don't know, but I had to bite my lip in order to not cry. Darry saw it and took my hand as we walked inside.

____________________

Court was really different than what I had imagined it would be. There was no jury, I didn't have to take any oaths or anything; it was just the judge and two people from the Social Services agency. First they took Darry into a room and talked to him alone. Next they had all four of us sit down at a table and asked us questions one at a time in front of each other. I felt like they were looking at the faces of whoever _wasn't_ talking at the time to try and decide if the person who _was _talking was lying or not. I hope they didn't read us wrong, because none of us lied about anything. I guess they were trying to intimidate us right away though, and start with the weakest link, because, to all of our surprise, they started with me.

"Samantha?" The judge was a woman. I wasn't sure if that was to my advantage or not. I guessed that depended on whether or not she had brothers.

"Yes, ma'am," I answered. I tried not to sound terrified.

"I understand you like to be called by your middle name, Scout?"

"That's right." I struggled to speak loudly enough to be heard.

"Tell me about how it is for you, living with your brothers," she said. I was a little taken aback. I had expected yes and no types of questions. I wasn't prepared for this.

"Well… Darry takes real good care of me. He always makes sure I do all my homework, and he checks it and makes me fix my mistakes. He always makes sure he knows where I am and he makes sure I'm safe and that I have everything I need. He does a real good job. He takes care of me the same as my Mom and Dad did. He takes good care of all of us."

"I see here that you left home, and that you and your brother Ponyboy were missing for a week. Can you tell me how that happened?"

I glanced at Darry before I answered and felt sad at his bleak expression. He nodded at me and I knew he expected me to tell the truth.

"I know it looks like I ran away, and Pony too, but we didn't," I started. "Darry and Pony had an argument and Pony got mad. He ran out. So I went after Ponyboy and everything that happened after that wasn't our fault. I never meant to leave, except to bring Pony back home, because the only reason Darry was mad at Pony is because he thought he was setting a bad example for me. I would never run away from home on purpose. I'm really happy at home. I don't want to leave. I didn't mean to leave."

The judge asked each of my brothers questions that seemed to just make Darry look bad and make all of us look like all we did was make bad choices. They asked Soda about quitting school, Darry about leaving college, Pony about how he got along with Darry. I just wanted to cry. I figured they were probably already assigning me to a foster home.

I saw the judge look past me to the doorway and I turned around to see Alison and Mr. Harvey coming in. They sat in the seats a few rows behind us. I looked again at Darry and this time he just looked puzzled.

The judge looked up at them and asked:

"Are you here regarding the Curtis family hearing?"

Mr. Harvey stood up. "Yes, ma'am, I am."

"Please state your name and your interest in this case."

"My name is Joseph Harvey, and I am here as a character witness for Darrel Curtis."

"Were you summoned here by the court?"

"No ma'am, I was not, but I would appreciate the opportunity to speak on his behalf."

She spoke privately with the Social Services workers and then looked up at him.

"All right, Mr. Harvey, you may address the panel. Please state your relationship to the petitioner."

Mr. Harvey came forward and spoke to the judge and the two workers.

"I met Darrel Curtis last fall, because his sister Scout and my daughter Anna played together on the varsity basketball team. Since then I have spent quite a bit of time with him and his brothers and sister, and have been tremendously impressed with the maturity he displays for someone of his age."

He took a breath and continued.

"He carpools the girls to basketball and comes into my restaurant frequently with his family. Scout and her brothers have always come across as happy, polite, well-adjusted kids, and I can tell you without hesitation that they are extremely well cared for by their brother Darrel. I was moved to come here on his behalf, because I truly feel that the courts would be doing this family a huge injustice to separate them. Darrel is doing a better job with these children than many actual parents do with theirs."

I looked over at Darry and he looked like he might explode with pride.

"Is that all, Mr. Harvey?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"I assume that you personally have no vested interest in the outcome of this case?"

"Aside from caring about the well-being of the family, no, ma'am, I don't."

"Then the court thanks you for your input. You may remain in the chamber so long as you refrain from further comment."

"Thank you." He sat down.

Next the two Social Service workers took each of us separately into a room and asked us questions alone. This time I went last. Soda first, then Pony. Finally Pony came out and signaled to me that it was my turn. I couldn't look at my brothers as I walked by. I was too afraid I would cry.

It turned out it didn't matter, because as soon as I sat down in the chair in the room, I started crying anyway.

"Are you all right, Scout?" One of the women asked.

"No," I said. "I'm supposed to tell you the truth in here, right?"

"That's right."

"Can I just tell you it, then?"

"Go ahead, dear," she said. The "dear" was unexpected.

I decided to just lay it all out there.

"I'm scared. I'm scared to death that you are going to take me away from my brothers and you don't even know us. You don't even know how much Darry takes care of us and looks out for us and how much we care about each other. It's not fair that everybody else gets to make mistakes with their kids except Darry, he just makes one and we all have to come to court. It's not fair. It's not fair that our Mom and Dad died and that Darry had to take care of us. But what is the most unfair is that he does a really good job and nobody gives him any credit."

I took a breath. The women stared at me. Clearly it had just been the typical question-and-answer format with my brothers.

"Is that all?" They seemed to not really know what to make of me.

"I guess so. I'm just saying… I'm just asking you, please, don't separate us. We need each other. We already lost our parents. We're all we have left." I was crying now.

They just looked at me. I was a mess.

"Do you want to ask me any questions?" I asked through my tears.

They glanced at each other. "No, honey, you can go."

"Thank you," I said, trying to stop crying. I walked out the door sobbing past all three brothers, who I know wanted to comfort me but didn't know how that would come across in this setting. I sat in my seat and tried as hard as I could to stop. Finally Darry couldn't stand it anymore, I guess, and he pushed back his chair and came over to me. He leaned down to me and hugged me, whispering in my ear. "It's okay, Scout. I know you did your best. It's okay, baby." I just attached myself to him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Alison looking like she was about to cry too, and Mr. Harvey putting his arm around her.

Finally the judge and the two panel members came back out and looked at us. Darry peeled me off him and went back to his own seat.

"After much consideration, and a good deal of debate, the court recommends that custody of minors Ponyboy Michael Curtis and Samantha Scout Curtis be retained by their brother Darrel Curtis, dependent upon continued satisfactory findings by the Department of Social Services on a monthly basis."

I thought I knew what had just been said but I wasn't sure. There was a moment of absolute silence before Darry ran over to me and picked me up.

"So…I get to stay with you?" I asked.

"We all get to stay!"

I think I cried even harder then , out of relief, than I had earlier, out of fear. Soda and Pony came over and surrounded us with a hug and, out of the corner of my eye, I think I even saw the judge smile.

Darry was still holding on to me when Mr. Harvey and Alison came over.

Darry slid me down to the ground and extended his hand to Mr. Harvey.

"It was more than generous of you to come down here for us," Darry said.

"It was my pleasure," Mr. Harvey responded. "Alison told me this was going on today and she asked me to come down to see if I could help. Truly, it would break my heart to see your family split up." He put a hand on Darry's shoulder and gathered him in a half-hug, then turned to me and I nearly knocked him over with my embrace.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I said. I leaned in to whisper in his ear, "Now Darry has to take Ali out on a date! He promised!"

"That's good thinking Scout," he whispered back.

He let me go and I looked up to see Alison and Darry hugging, he was whispering something in her ear as well. Soda caught my eye and cracked a grin at me. I knew I had been afraid of what might happen at the hearing, but I had no idea how much it had been weighing heavily upon all of us until the weight was lifted. We all, for the moment, allowed ourselves to breathe again.

Darry said goodbye to Ali and Mr. Harvey, who had to get back to the restaurant for the lunch crowd, and we all found ourselves back out in front of the courthouse by the truck. It seemed like a different world than it had been when I had stood in front of the truck with my brothers that morning. The colors around me seemed brighter, and everything just seemed more in focus.

"I'll ride in the back," I said.

"You don't have to, Scout," Soda said. "I don't mind."

"You always have to," I said. "Just let me, this time, OK?" He had no reason to argue; it wasn't cold, it wasn't raining. There was no shame in the three of them letting a girl sit in the back.

"OK," Soda agreed, hesitantly hoisting me into the back of the truck. Pony climbed into the middle of the cab and Darry and Soda climbed in either side, slamming the doors simultaneously. I knew that Soda would turn around to check on me so I already had my tongue stuck out at him in preparation when he did it. He laughed at me the second he turned around.

I couldn't stop smiling on the ride home. Knowing nobody could hear me anyway, I even laughed out loud, listening to my laughter disappear off into the wind. When we pulled into the driveway, Two-Bit's car was there and he and Steve were sitting on the porch. I found it hard to believe that Steve would be upset if Pony and I were sent away, but, I guess, for Soda's sake, he put on a good game face.

They stood up when we pulled in and I nearly killed myself leaping out of the truck and running up to Two-Bit.

"We get to stay together!" I yelled.

Two-Bit grabbed me and sat me on the porch railing. "No shit? Really?"

"No shit." I said.

"_Two-Bit_," Darry warned, not liking the language too much.

"Aw, c'mon, Darry, this is a celebration!" he said. "Y'all get to keep feeding me dinner for all eternity now!"

"Well, they're still gonna be checking on us every month, Two-Bit. We can't exactly be taking in bums like you permanently."

"Coming from you, I'll take 'bum' as a compliment," he said, then got up to slap Darry on the back. "Congratulations," he said. "Y'all deserve to be together."

"Thanks, Two-Bit," Darry said.

Soda, Steve and Two-Bit immediately fell into their usual pattern of loud, chaotic activity. First it was football outside, then it was poker inside, involving both Darry and Pony as well. I slipped out the back door, with Darry's permission, to go see Ben.

I knocked on the door and it was Ben who answered. He looked at me expectantly.

I nodded and smiled, and he whipped open the door and grabbed me. "You get to stay? Really?"

"We all get to stay together," I said. "Unless we screw things up again."

He took a deep breath. "I was scared, that they were gonna take you away," he said.

"_You_ were scared?" I laughed. "I was petrified!"

"I'm so glad," he said. "Seriously. I don't know what I'd do without you around."

"I know," I said. I needed Ben almost as much as my brothers. "I have to get back, though, Darry and I are going shopping for a celebration dinner," I said.

"Well, you deserve it," Ben said, "Congratulations, Scout."

I pulled him towards me and, just as he had that morning, I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek, lingering, perhaps, a second longer than necessary.

"Thanks, Ben," I said, and I was gone.

_____________________

I had asked Darry if we could go shopping for a special dinner, considering the news, but really, I had an ulterior motive. He was the first one out of the poker hand as I came back into the house and I sat on the arm of the couch next to him.

"So, can we go?" I asked.

"Now?" he asked. "I've never seen you so eager for grocery shopping," he said.

I just looked at him. I hoped he would read my mind. He didn't, but he agreed, standing up and making his way out from behind the table. "We're going to get dinner. You guys keep the house standing 'til we get back, OK?"

"Yeah, yeah, nag, nag, nag," Soda joked. Darry gave him a friendly smack on the head as he grabbed the keys and we headed out.

As soon as I was beside him in the car, he looked over at me.

"Okay, Scout, what gives?"

"I want you to take me to the cemetery," I said. "To Dally and Johnny." I had been thinking about it all day, since our case was resolved. This was the one last thing that needed resolution, for me.

"Are you sure, baby? This should be a happy day."

"I'm sure," I said, looking right back at him, no trace of tears in my eyes. "I need you to bring me. You promised if I stayed with Pony during the burial that you would."

Darry looked at me, shook his head, sighed and started the truck. We didn't talk on the way there.

They were buried in the far back of the cemetery, where the graves weren't marked by stones, just by wooden crosses or just plain rocks lying on a plot. The cemetery for the poor, I knew, though it probably actually had a more formal name. As we pulled up to where there were two freshly dug graves, I saw a familiar car, and, as we got closer, I saw that it was Tim Shepard, pulled up in front of Dally and Johnny's graves, leaning against his car and smoking. Darry pulled up behind him and we got out. He didn't move, didn't even look at us.

"I can't believe the fucking bastard is dead," he said. Obviously he was referring to Dallas; anybody would be pretty hard pressed to refer to Johnny as a fucking bastard. I happened to know that Tim and Dally had been friends. Good friends.

"I know," Darry said, and went over to talk to him. I just walked over to the graves and knelt down by them. They were labeled by funeral home markers, so I knew which one was which, and I spoke to each in turn. First I knelt and whispered to Dallas.

"Hey, Dall. I'm really sorry about what happened to you. I owe you a lot of thanks for taking care of Pony when he got into some trouble. I miss you and I hope wherever you are, that you and Johnny get to be together." I pressed my hand against the ground. "G'bye, Dallas."

I stood up and moved over to Johnny's grave. I could see Darry watching me, still talking to Tim. I had never thought before that Tim and Darry might have anything in common, but I knew Tim looked out for his siblings too. Everyone feared him, but for some reason, Tim didn't scare me. I turned back and knelt at Johnny's grave.

"Hey, Johnny." It was harder not to cry this time. "Thanks for being such a great friend to Ponyboy. He's really missing you something awful. I miss you too. I hope wherever you are that you get to be with Dallas." Something occurred to me. "If you see our folks, tell them we're doing okay. You take care, Johnnycake." I pressed my hand against the dirt above him also. "Bye, Johnny."

I stood up, shocked with myself to not be crying. I walked back over to Darry and Tim.

"Hey kid, you doin' okay?" Tim asked.

"Yeah," I looked up at him, "I guess I am." Darry put his arm around my shoulder.

"Nice to see you, Tim," he said.

"You all take care," Tim said, blowing smoke our way as we climbed back into the truck.

On the way out of the cemetery, I could tell Darry wanted to ask me something. I was pretty sure I knew what.

"Yeah," I answered his thoughts, "Let's stop." He pulled up in front of the area that housed our parents' grave.

"You sure?" he asked. I hadn't been back since.

I nodded, my eyes surprisingly still dry. "Can I go alone?" I asked.

"If you want to," he said.

I slid out of the truck and walked up to the grave, circling around it to the front. I had never actually seen the grave; at the funeral it hadn't been ready. I traced their names with my finger, then knelt in front of it.

"Hi Mommy, Daddy," I started. "I really miss you. We all do. I know I haven't visited here, but now I just wanted to come to tell you that we're all doing okay, and Darry, he's doing a really good job."

I thought for a second.

"I don't know how this works, but if you happen to be in the same place as Dally and Johnny, I hope you'll take care of them, like you did us."

I drew in a deep breath, still surprised that I wasn't crying, and stood up.

"I'll never stop missing you, but I just hope you know, we're all okay. I love you both. I miss you lots. Thanks for looking out for us." I took another moment to rub my hand over the gravestone and I turned and walked back to the truck. Darry studied my face as I jumped back in, expecting me to be crying, no doubt. Even I was shocked that I wasn't. But somehow things seemed less hopeless than they had in a long time.

"You okay?" he asked, looking across and down at me.

"Yeah, " I said, "I am. I think I really am."

**A/N: Holy Cow, 40 chapters. Anyone who has read this throught to the end, please review! Even if you hated it! I'll be honored just if you stuck with it! If you did like it, don't worry, Scout's story goes on, it only gets more complicated, in "Complexity."**

**Thank you for reading! Happy Holidays!**


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